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Mr T jokes are pretty good too

The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity.
 
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he says "5 seconds 'till". . .
And then he gives you a roundhouse.
 
I really like the Jack Bauer jokes more.


Although not a joke, (allegedly it's true) it is a funny story:


Kiefer Sutherland was delighted to receive his own Jack Bauer doll, sent to him by the '24' merchandisers, to see if he approved of the design. He certainly did approve and reported back straight away that he was particularly impressed with the realistic facial carving on the wooden prototype, before taking his balsa doppelganger on a riotous night out with his mates.

Kiefer's friends were also impressed and used the doll in a series of pub party games, acting out scenes from the hit series with aplomb and staggering faithfulness to the scripts. Sad to say, the doll Bauer proved less durable that the fleshy version, with the result that it failed to survive such stunts as running whilst alight and doused in vodka.

A bleary Kiefer stumbled into the office the next morning only to be told that the pile of ashes in his local bar was in fact the ONLY prototype of the doll, and was the result of a master Japanese wood carver's year full of sleepless nights and constant reworking. And yes, it was the only copy and designed to be used as a mould for the final plastic version.

With remarkable calm, he insisted the doll was safe and had certainly not been stolen, and whenever asked in future about the fate of the doll would only reply, "It has NOT been stolen," without further information.

A year later, another prototype appeared, at which point Kiefer revealed the fate of the original Bauer and agreed to approve the second prototype by sight alone.


:D
 
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