I bet they were a bunch of airheads.
And when they talked they blew a lot of hot air.
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Coach, 40, marries 16-year-old student
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I bet they were a bunch of airheads.
And when they talked they blew a lot of hot air.
The only person who should have a right to sue when this mess settles out is the 16 year-old girl. The school district was negligent, I won't debate that, but I don't think the parents have a right to sue after signing the permission slip for her to marry. However if/when the girl gets divorced/separated I think she should be allowed to sue her parents and the district for their inability to protect her from the stupidity of her youth.
I see it as, your teenager wants to have a beer. If you, as a parent, give him the beer then you are not doing your job and possibly causing harm to your child. As I've said before, it's not your job to be your kid's friend.
won't and shouldn't stand. they went ahead and signed the papers in any event, thus giving their consent. and NOW they sue? wrong time, too late, the ship has sailed.
perhaps they should've done something too.
that's my thinking. i believe they were the negligent party...they gave consent, after all.
it's just so frustrating to me to see yet another frivolous lawsuit...aren't there enough of these floating around?
This is kind of a tough one. When I was 16, I thought I knew everything. If I wanted to marry some 40 year old and my parents wouldn't sign, I'd have probably run away with him.
On the one hand, I hope things work for them.
On the other hand, I really have doubts about the possibility of any real longevity in the marriage.
But what the hell do I know?
On the one hand, I hope things work for them.
On the other hand, I really have doubts about the possibility of any real longevity in the marriage.
But what the hell do I know?
Love is love. Age matters not (once you're past the age of reason). Plus, for most of human history, 12 and 13 were typical ages for people to get married. And it wasn't unusual for older people to get "married" to younger people. We may be past the actual physical need for such young marriages but the love is there. We may not always approve of situations like this but it's both legal and "real." We can't deny that...nor should we interfere or judge.
But this leads me to wonder...how is this different than any of the other student/teacher relationships? Like Mary Kay and the boy she had kids with and that other nice blonde/student relationship? Did the coach have physical contact with the student prior to their marriage? That would be illeagal, wouldn't it? This is what confuses me.
But this leads me to wonder...how is this different than any of the other student/teacher relationships? Like Mary Kay and the boy she had kids with and that other nice blonde/student relationship? Did the coach have physical contact with the student prior to their marriage? That would be illeagal, wouldn't it? This is what confuses me.
I agree that we should not judge love, but for those 12-13 year olds who were married in the past they also had jobs and were supporting themselves and a family. Today most people typically put off marriage until their 20s with 18 being the age most universally accepted as adulthood. If this couple's love was so strong, why could they not have waited the 2 years for the girl to turn 18 and leave the parental consent out of the picture?
As I see it the parents failed in their job of protecting their child until adulthood by signing the consent form. If she lived in a state where no consent form was needed at 16 then we'd all be hoping for the best but probably still being realistic and seeing that the marriage is most likely a folly of youth. Or talking about how the man abused his position of authority, or took advantage of it in a way that does not look wholesome.
I really do hope things work out for them but realistically I don't see this being a long lived/healthy relationship.
They might. I don't know them - they're both adults, I assume competent. Why should we concern ourselves with the affairs of others? I have plenty of my own concerns to worry about.
Forum anonymity is no excuse for rudeness, even to those who do not participate here.
I'm sure they both shared a love of money, the man for his own money, and his bride for his money.
Well, most likely the only person here with any experience in this matter, I would say that it really depends on the individuals involved.
I was 16 when I met my track coach in high school (she was 25 at the time). I had transferred from another school my sophomore year and was already some what prominent in the San Diego area for the high hurdles. When I met my new coach (who's only experience was in distance running and was a girl), I was frankly quite despondent. I was sure that my parents had killed my track career just as it was beginning.
Still, there wasn't anything I could do about it so I decided to try and make the best of the situation. I had already been training year round for a few years and was pleasantly surprised when I found out that my new coach held summer workouts.
Being very eager, I showed up for our first workout early. We were all to meet at the beach and when I got there, my coach was already there too... sun bathing... in a bikini. She was incredibly sexy.
As the rest of the team showed up, she changed into her workout stuff and we did a distance run (which I hated, and pretty much ended me going to any further workouts). After our run my coach and I were standing around talking when she invited me over to her place for lunch. Being painfully shy around girls (specially sexy ones), I declined and rushed straight home.
I continued my workouts on my own until the next track season. I would check in with my coach, but pretty much disregarded anything she had to say as far as my workouts were concerned. We tended to argue quite a bit, but in the end I usually got my way.
After my first race that following track season I was tied for second in the county in the high hurdles, and my coach realized that I really did know what I was doing when it came to sprints and hurdles. In time she let me start coaching the other sprinters/hurdlers on the team. This meant that we ended up spending a lot of time together.
I can recall the first time she called me at home. It was for an upcoming invitational and she needed marks for the other athletes on the team and knew that I would know just about everyone's marks (even for the field events). It was rather cool actively helping with the team.
As it turned out, one of the hurdlers on the team was rather cute... though I never asked her out or anything, I paid quite a bit of attention to her. And I guess my coach noticed, though at the time I hadn't noticed her treating me any differently than before.
At the end of track season she shocked me by saying that she really didn't want to spend time together anymore. I was hurt, but I was more confused... why should I care if someone who doesn't even know my event discusses it with me.
Shortly after that that a sprint/hurdle coach at SDSU spotted me and offer to coach me. This was great as he had just coached his sister to an American record in the 400 meter hurdles. All of a sudden I was getting world class coaching and working out with world class athletes... plus his sister was really cute!
At the beginning of school my senior year I went to my coach to, well, gloat about my summer and my new coach. I was expecting one of our fights, but strangely she just listened to me talk about my summer. Then she took me completely by surprise by asking me to teach her how to hurdle.
We spent every day together after that. At first just working out, but then we started going out to lunch or having dinner, or I would go with her to her college and workout on their track while she was in class.
One day in December while she was driving me home she asked if I knew why she had stopped talking to me the previous year. I told her I didn't and that I had been quite hurt by it. She told me that she had gotten jealous of me spending so much time with one of the athletes. By the time I got home I had told her I loved her. And a week later she told me she loved me too.
Oddly, my parents were very supportive of us, including double dating with us from time to time.
Towards the end of the season while she and I were working out at SDSU to get ready for CIF championships, she was sitting on a steeple chase barrier talking with another coach who was there with his star athlete. I saw them talking as I past them on one of my runs, but when I reached the finish and turned around, my coach was on the ground. She had fallen back and her knee hit her nose when she landed. Her nose was broken, but there wasn't much I could do... I didn't know how to drive. So she drove us to the hospital.
There wasn't anything they could do at the time, so we went home and waited for my parents. My mother found a doctor for her (she needed rhinoplasty), and we set her up in our guestroom for the next few weeks.
During the championships she had to sit with my parents in the spectator's bleachers, and we would have athletes run up to see her for last minute advice before their events.
After track season my coach moved in with her father who was dying of cancer. I tried to see her as much as possible, but her schedule was rather full... though not so full that she didn't take time to teach me how to drive!
One night I wasn't able to get a hold of her and started getting quite worried. I was still learning how to drive, but I backed my mother's car out onto the street and started it up and set out to find her. I had been to her father's a couple times... with her driving and in the day light, but after a couple hours of searching I found the place.
Everything was okay and she was sleeping in one of my shirts (it was really cute!). Thankfully she gave me directions back home.
After her father died she moved back in with us for about a month while we hunted for an apartment. We moved in together, lived together for about a year and a half and then were married for 9 years.
So, do I regret any of that... no, not really. Other than the last year or so that we were together, those were the happiest years of my life.
Still, as I approached her age (between 25 and 30) I started to realize just how young someone in their teens really is. While it wasn't that big a deal for me back then, it must have been for her... and even though I wasn't an average teenager (and didn't have much in common with other teenagers), I was still a teenager none the less.
Oh well, make of it what you will. But for me, it is hard to judge others in a similar circumstance without knowing that everyone is different.
WARNING: LONG STORY
I was 16 when I met my track coach in high school (she was 25 at the time). I had transferred from another school my sophomore year and was already some what prominent in the San Diego area for the high hurdles. When I met my new coach (who's only experience was in distance running and was a girl), I was frankly quite despondent. I was sure that my parents had killed my track career just as it was beginning.
Still, there wasn't anything I could do about it so I decided to try and make the best of the situation. I had already been training year round for a few years and was pleasantly surprised when I found out that my new coach held summer workouts.
Being very eager, I showed up for our first workout early. We were all to meet at the beach and when I got there, my coach was already there too... sun bathing... in a bikini. She was incredibly sexy.
As the rest of the team showed up, she changed into her workout stuff and we did a distance run (which I hated, and pretty much ended me going to any further workouts). After our run my coach and I were standing around talking when she invited me over to her place for lunch. Being painfully shy around girls (specially sexy ones), I declined and rushed straight home.
I continued my workouts on my own until the next track season. I would check in with my coach, but pretty much disregarded anything she had to say as far as my workouts were concerned. We tended to argue quite a bit, but in the end I usually got my way.
After my first race that following track season I was tied for second in the county in the high hurdles, and my coach realized that I really did know what I was doing when it came to sprints and hurdles. In time she let me start coaching the other sprinters/hurdlers on the team. This meant that we ended up spending a lot of time together.
I can recall the first time she called me at home. It was for an upcoming invitational and she needed marks for the other athletes on the team and knew that I would know just about everyone's marks (even for the field events). It was rather cool actively helping with the team.
As it turned out, one of the hurdlers on the team was rather cute... though I never asked her out or anything, I paid quite a bit of attention to her. And I guess my coach noticed, though at the time I hadn't noticed her treating me any differently than before.
At the end of track season she shocked me by saying that she really didn't want to spend time together anymore. I was hurt, but I was more confused... why should I care if someone who doesn't even know my event discusses it with me.
Shortly after that that a sprint/hurdle coach at SDSU spotted me and offer to coach me. This was great as he had just coached his sister to an American record in the 400 meter hurdles. All of a sudden I was getting world class coaching and working out with world class athletes... plus his sister was really cute!
At the beginning of school my senior year I went to my coach to, well, gloat about my summer and my new coach. I was expecting one of our fights, but strangely she just listened to me talk about my summer. Then she took me completely by surprise by asking me to teach her how to hurdle.
We spent every day together after that. At first just working out, but then we started going out to lunch or having dinner, or I would go with her to her college and workout on their track while she was in class.
One day in December while she was driving me home she asked if I knew why she had stopped talking to me the previous year. I told her I didn't and that I had been quite hurt by it. She told me that she had gotten jealous of me spending so much time with one of the athletes. By the time I got home I had told her I loved her. And a week later she told me she loved me too.
Oddly, my parents were very supportive of us, including double dating with us from time to time.
Towards the end of the season while she and I were working out at SDSU to get ready for CIF championships, she was sitting on a steeple chase barrier talking with another coach who was there with his star athlete. I saw them talking as I past them on one of my runs, but when I reached the finish and turned around, my coach was on the ground. She had fallen back and her knee hit her nose when she landed. Her nose was broken, but there wasn't much I could do... I didn't know how to drive.
So she drove us to the hospital.There wasn't anything they could do at the time, so we went home and waited for my parents. My mother found a doctor for her (she needed rhinoplasty), and we set her up in our guestroom for the next few weeks.
During the championships she had to sit with my parents in the spectator's bleachers, and we would have athletes run up to see her for last minute advice before their events.
After track season my coach moved in with her father who was dying of cancer. I tried to see her as much as possible, but her schedule was rather full... though not so full that she didn't take time to teach me how to drive!
One night I wasn't able to get a hold of her and started getting quite worried. I was still learning how to drive, but I backed my mother's car out onto the street and started it up and set out to find her. I had been to her father's a couple times... with her driving and in the day light, but after a couple hours of searching I found the place.
Everything was okay and she was sleeping in one of my shirts (it was really cute!). Thankfully she gave me directions back home.
After her father died she moved back in with us for about a month while we hunted for an apartment. We moved in together, lived together for about a year and a half and then were married for 9 years.
So, do I regret any of that... no, not really. Other than the last year or so that we were together, those were the happiest years of my life.
Still, as I approached her age (between 25 and 30) I started to realize just how young someone in their teens really is. While it wasn't that big a deal for me back then, it must have been for her... and even though I wasn't an average teenager (and didn't have much in common with other teenagers), I was still a teenager none the less.
Oh well, make of it what you will. But for me, it is hard to judge others in a similar circumstance without knowing that everyone is different.
I'm impressed that a relationship with someone so young and with someone considerably older could even last that long. And 8+ years of happiness isn't so bad. I can't even get past a few months, lately!
It's a good question. Yes, it would be statutory rape if they had sexual contact while the girl was under the age of consent.
Old man, young girl
The emotional distance between a 16 year old and 40 year old is way more than a 60 year old and 36 year old. He's in charge. For her he's wiser, will take care of her, makes her feel special. Probably tells her he's never met anyone like her. She's flattered, heck, all those years and he never fell in love with anyone. At sixteen you'll do anything for the man you love. So she looks up to him, and he is probably calling all the shots in the relationship.
But she's going to grow up, and if she goes to college, he's in big trouble. It'll all be over by the time she is 20. Sad for her parents, but they'll be her parents for her whole life. And if he is going to be in a love affair, at least it'll be legal.
But the school should be very uncomfortable about having him as a teacher.
he'll actually be 60 when she is 36.
The problem I see with this is... what does a 40 year old man see in a 16 year old girl? Some older men want a young girl because the relationship makes them feel powerful. Other older men are really immature and feel more comfortable around girls that are immature too. .
The emotional distance between a 16 year old and 40 year old is way more than a 60 year old and 36 year old. He's in charge. For her he's wiser, will take care of her, makes her feel special. Probably tells her he's never met anyone like her. She's flattered, heck, all those years and he never fell in love with anyone. At sixteen you'll do anything for the man you love. So she looks up to him, and he is probably calling all the shots in the relationship.
But she's going to grow up, and if she goes to college, he's in big trouble. It'll all be over by the time she is 20. Sad for her parents, but they'll be her parents for her whole life. And if he is going to be in a love affair, at least it'll be legal.
But the school should be very uncomfortable about having him as a teacher.
Zephyr
As to the marriage, perhaps those who have their knickers in twist would profit by understanding that:
Matches of this kind were common place not so long ago, when our society needed more people. But, in our modern, technical, resource-depleted machine culture, we don't need to increase our population, so newly minted "moral" injunctions, social taboos, etc. are created and are institutionalized by Church and State. These are enforced by Law and, more, by the pressure to conform exerted by various agents like family, friends and the ever-present busy bodies (like those who post their abhorence and indignation on this thread
). They maintain the birth-controlling social structures, such as extended childhood, that aim to prevent such events as a 16 y.o. starting to shoulder adult responsibilities, getting married and having lots and lots of resource hungry children. People taking part in this interplay of physical and social factors are largely unaware of their role and generally take umbrage when it brought to their attention.
12-13 year olds
Also, throughout history marriage was not about love. It was about economics and politics. Marriage decisions were made by parents. In cultures that had a custom of a bride's dowry, men married for monetary reasons. The woman brought a certain amount of money/property with them. In cultures that practice a bride price, parents wed their daughters off to the highest bidder. For royal families and families with power, marriage was a way to form political and financial alliances. The notion of romantic love was a fictional idea and the notion of married people choosing their spouse is really very recent. As for older men marrying young women: one of the chief requirements of a wife is the ability to bear children.
Also, throughout history marriage was not about love. It was about economics and politics. Marriage decisions were made by parents. In cultures that had a custom of a bride's dowry, men married for monetary reasons. The woman brought a certain amount of money/property with them. In cultures that practice a bride price, parents wed their daughters off to the highest bidder. For royal families and families with power, marriage was a way to form political and financial alliances. The notion of romantic love was a fictional idea and the notion of married people choosing their spouse is really very recent. As for older men marrying young women: one of the chief requirements of a wife is the ability to bear children.
If I were the dad I would have beaten the living piss out of the coach. At the highschool I graduated from, there was a case where a female teacher got fired and had her teaching license taken away for sleeping with a male student. This was just this past year.
Sleeping with a kid, and marrying are different.
While there is overlap(duh) the parents signed off on the marrying part.