If you're refering to me, I was speaking about the worst case scenario (i.e my friend of the boarding school)...
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Complicated issue involving my roommate assignment...thoughts?
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If you're refering to me, I was speaking about the worst case scenario (i.e my friend of the boarding school)...
Shame about the roommate form.
Yeah that can definitely lead to some roommate conflict. My roommate last year wasn't an only child, but he did grow up always having his own room and space to himself. Made for a few tense moments as he would sometimes consider the space his own. I liked having friends hanging out in the room at all times...he liked it to be a quiet study space. Meh. We got along fine though.
I'm an only child, but I had four years of dorm rooms and roommates in high school, so I don't really have tips on sharing space...it's just something that comes with time.
Yeah that can definitely lead to some roommate conflict. My roommate last year wasn't an only child, but he did grow up always having his own room and space to himself. Made for a few tense moments as he would sometimes consider the space his own. I liked having friends hanging out in the room at all times...he liked it to be a quiet study space. Meh. We got along fine though.
I'm an only child, but I had four years of dorm rooms and roommates in high school, so I don't really have tips on sharing space...it's just something that comes with time.
What if...situations are just as likely (if not more so) with "straight" roommates. What if...you have a non-out gay roommate that comes out in the middle of the year and looks to you for support because he's not getting any from his parents? What if...your drunken wannabe frat boy roomie decides that your laundry is the perfect puke basket? What if...your drunken roommate decides to try and use your poop chute as a bottle opener when you're sound asleep? What if your roommate decides that while studying the week of finals, leaving the room is unnecessary, even for bathing and relieving themselves? What if...the possibilities are endless.
Technically, any "fear" of gays is a form of homophobia. That said, a little uncomfortableness at this situation, given that he's a freshman and going to a new school and all, is probably normal.
This is true. No one I knew that changed roommates after being assigned a roommate liked their new roommate any better. Some were a the same level of discomfort, for others it got worse. It's odd that they didn't ask the usual things (late/early person, clean/messy, quiet/loud in addition to the smoker question).
Well...this could spell trouble, especially if your new roomie (whether you decide to change or not) is in the same situation. Here's some advice, start leaving your door open all the time from this point forward. Sleep with your door open, shower with the door open (close the door for toilet stuffs). Just get used to being around and seeing people at times that you aren't used to, because that's the biggest adjustment you're going to have to make, no matter who your roomie is. Also, start looking at your stuff, decide what you think is a decent amount to take. Then spend then next couple of days trying to figure out how to live with only half of that stuff. Taking too much stuff is the biggest mistake I've seen people make and it's the easiest way to piss of your roommate.
I still hope you decide to chat/talk to this guy and at least give him a shot. If it is mainly about you feeling uncomfortable in situations where his friends are visiting (I dunno how far the two of your live from the uni you are going to), then talk it out set some mutual ground rules. This is something you should do with any roommate anyway (for example, overnight guests only when the other roomie is visiting their parents, or one night a week prearranged in advance, or hang a sock on the door, etc).
I guess the stereotypical gay guy I was talking about is the kind that really makes it clear that he's gay. Calls straight men "sweetie" out of the blue and makes jokes about this sexuality that can make some people feel uncomfortable. Think Carson off of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.
Not that I have anything against them. It just kind of reminds me of people who push their religion on others, who keep making allusions to the Bible and such. It's sort of the same to me. Sexuality and religion are personal things. Keep it private. If someone else is uncomfortable when you act in a certain way, I would imagine it'd be advisable to stop.
But again, that's just a stereotype.
Look at it this way.
You have a guy who is gay going to college and is probably scared sh*tless what his roommate is going to be like and if he'll make his life a living hell.
Just be a man and about it and treat him with respect and you'll get the same in return.
You have a guy who is gay going to college and is probably scared sh*tless what his roommate is going to be like and if he'll make his life a living hell.
Just be a man and about it and treat him with respect and you'll get the same in return.
Yeah good advice. Thinking back, it was probably my 'open door' policy that riled my roommate the most last year. Generally, if I was in my room I'd have the door open, always. If I wanted a little more privacy I'd close it, but I told most of my friends that they didn't have to knock to come in, and it was expected that I'd lock the door if I wanted to be alone.
I think this clashed with my roomie's ideas of property and personal space...basically there would be people hanging out in and around my room regardless of what I was doing, i.e. two of my friends might come in while I was on my computer, plop down on my bed and just chill out, have a conversation between themselves independent of anyone else in the room. Getting used to that kind of thing is important.
It was hard on my roommate to be having a relatively quiet wednesday night and then suddenly have a room full of random people in varying states of inebriation and having me crank a little music for the occasion...you'll have to get used to having to make your own privacy and peace and quiet, as you'll be entitled to very little.
That's not something to get used to as much as it is rude behavior.
When two or more people's wishes and feelings are to be considered, the polite thing to do is to default to the least intrusive level, not stick it in the guy's face and demand him to adapt.
Now if people want to come over, sure you have every right to have visitors too, but not respecting your roommate's privacy is just rude. It's shared space, but you seem to have interpreted that as space you can do whatever you want with.
Holy crap. So what if he did?
It seems to me that you're then assuming:
Once you say thanks but no thanks, he'll continue hitting on you.
or, now that he's hit on you, you've somehow turned gay.
Or, he's going to rufie and rape you.
Each one more ridiculous than the last.
Listen all you frosh. If you don't like your roommate AFTER you've moved in and given it a chance, move then! It's not hard. There will be plenty of others who want to move as well. My first freshamn roomate was a douchebag. My second one was fantastic. Try and be open minded. It seems to me that you're being closed minded right from the start.
Much as my roommate would often kick people out or just turn the lights out and go to bed randomly. It's a give and take....I mean if I had just accepted the way he wanted it, nobody would have ever come in my room. I exaggerated some bits to make a point that you lose a lot of privacy and personal space. He ignored our privacy-warning-rubber-band-on-doorknob more than once and walked in on me, and would regularly kick my friends out of the room (when we were quietly talking or watching a movie) so he could do homework. It's not like I was just forcing everything on him and not allowing him anything. I put up with plenty in exchange for him (sometimes) allowing other people in the room.
We were quite good friends, and the situation was much more subtle than it might seem...like him getting extremely pissed if I left a can of coke in his fridge and asking what I was doing with his food (nothing), but then going and eating an entire box of cookies he found under my bed. Or like how his smelly shoes almost made me gag and puke on a nightly basis, but it took 2 months for him to go out and buy some spray. In return, 3 of my best friends were allowed to open the door without knocking. They all lived on our floor, and both my roommate and I knew them all very well.
Oh good lord. Give me a break. I'm uncomfortable with you posting, could you stop, please? See how that doesn't work?
Even if this guy was "stereotypical" as you say, I've certainly never seen any of the Queer Eye guys hit on the people they're trying to help out on the show. A guy calls you "sweetie" and it freaks you out? I'd say you've got the problem, not them. I say far nastier things to my straight male co-workers, and we all just laugh about it. Of course I get it right back. And of course, we're all friends and just goofing around. I work with some really cool people. Chill out a little.
To the OP, my bet is that whether or not you get along with this new roommate won't be based on his sexuality.
I didn't feel like reading all three pages so I don't know if someone else said this, but if you're worrying about him acting sexually around you. I've learned from Phys ed that straight guys act more homosexual than homosexual guys and their excuse is their comfortable with their sexuality therefore it is okay to grab other people's... genitals.
I'm glad this was on the last line for me.. because now I have the proof that it's ok!
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give it a try
I say to the OP, give it a try. You'd be surprised how many things that would seem like a bleeding big deal turn out to be nothing once school gets started. Depending on your major, social life, and outside interests, you may see your roommate as little as 1% of your time there.
On the other hand, as many previous to me have stated, college is a great opportunity to broaden your horizons. Think about it: not all of the learning goes on in the classroom.
My undergraduate fraternity was the first Greek group on campus that would accept gay men... starting in 1974 (the first brother who was open about it, at least), and in my pledge class in 2002 we had three gay men. Trust me, it won't be a big deal. Not to say that you are incapable of getting along with anybody, but going into it with the attitude that being gay requires some special capacity for understanding or mutual cohabitation is false. Just play by the rules of common sense and social courtesy and everything will be fine.
Good luck!
I say to the OP, give it a try. You'd be surprised how many things that would seem like a bleeding big deal turn out to be nothing once school gets started. Depending on your major, social life, and outside interests, you may see your roommate as little as 1% of your time there.
On the other hand, as many previous to me have stated, college is a great opportunity to broaden your horizons. Think about it: not all of the learning goes on in the classroom.
My undergraduate fraternity was the first Greek group on campus that would accept gay men... starting in 1974 (the first brother who was open about it, at least), and in my pledge class in 2002 we had three gay men. Trust me, it won't be a big deal. Not to say that you are incapable of getting along with anybody, but going into it with the attitude that being gay requires some special capacity for understanding or mutual cohabitation is false. Just play by the rules of common sense and social courtesy and everything will be fine.
Good luck!
I had a gay housemate for three months over the summer while in college. He was a sublet to one of the other housemates and I had never met him before (though the other housemates had). He was a great housemate. Definitely nothing to be afraid of. I preferred having him in the house over many straight guys that I lived with in past. He was completely respectful of our differences (as was I of his) and never made me feel uncomfortable. We ended up having several really good talks about different perspectives and such and I learned a lot from the experience. We ended up being able to joke about each other and just laugh about our differences.
Of course there are gay jerks just like there are straight jerks, so you never know until you talk to him.
Of course there are gay jerks just like there are straight jerks, so you never know until you talk to him.
Well I took the advice and started talking to him on facebook. After reassuring me that his sexuality would not be an issue I'm finding him to be a very nice guy actually. His sexuality was only discussed for two messages and now we're onto talking about other things involving college. I actually think this is going to work.
I would give it a chance. If it doesn't work out you can change it (hopefully). I know gay people that you would never think are gay, and you might be gay with people and you don't even know it.
That said, if his name is Lenoid the Magnificent, I would be concerned.
That said, if his name is Lenoid the Magnificent, I would be concerned.
I'm glad to hear you're giving him a chance! You may just come out of this with a really good friendship.
I can't wait for the day where sexuality is a non-issue ... if that ever happens.
I can't wait for the day where sexuality is a non-issue ... if that ever happens.
chances of getting hit on by a gay roommate is less likely. however, if you feel uncomfortable, then go for the room change. there is nothing wrong with being creeped out