Corny Jokes and One Liners

[millertime021]

Women's rights.

http://myinstants.com/instant/rimshot/

 

[ShamrockSolace]

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off

What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

 

[woolyback]

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

 

[spillproof]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Is that really any of your business?

 

[Ivybiznatch]

That's even worse than mine.

I remember reading this one in a science book.

Two men walk into a bar. (This one may take quite a while to get, and it'd be better if it was said verbally.)

One says, "I'll have some H2O, please."

The other says "I'll have some H2O too, please." And he died.

That's a riot!!!! LMAO

 

[Firestar]

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

 

[snberk103]

So, the Three Wise Men have arrived in Bethlehem, and have found the stable with Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. As the enter the stable, the 1st Wise Man ducks through the low door, turns his head and calls over his should "Heads up, low beam". The 2nd Wise Man ducks as well, but doesn't warn the Wise Man following, who walks straight into the knotty pine beam. "Jesus Chr*st!!" he exclaims, slapping a hand to his bruised forehead.

"You know, I like that better than Irving!" Mary says to Joseph....

 

[Comeagain?]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting on a grill?

Frank

Whats his sisters name?

Patty

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Typswif2fingers]

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear pilot-safety helmets?

Why do they alcohol swipe the arm of a person on death row, before they inject lethal injection?

 

[kolax]

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no lege and no penis?

Still no f.... idea.

 

[Gregg2]

So, the Three Wise Men have arrived in Bethlehem, and have found the stable with Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. ... "Jesus Chr*st!!" he exclaims, slapping a hand to his bruised forehead.

Nah. Not funny, and it doesn't make sense.


State trooper in Minnesota stops a car with Alabama plates.
Trooper: "Got any ID?"
Driver: "'Bout what?"

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Nah. Not funny, and it doesn't make sense.

Funny is in the eye of the beholder but it does make sense.

 

[iJohnHenry]

Funny is in the eye of the beholder, but it does make sense.

It's a "chicken or egg" kind of thing.

 

[Internal Fury]

if I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

 

[0098386]

Do you know any jokes about salt?
Na.

 

[Firestar]

Do you know any jokes about salt?
Na.

I think you meant sodium.

 

[robbieduncan]

I think you meant sodium.

It's OK, quizzi got it right much, much earlier in the thread:

• Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

It's a "chicken or egg" kind of thing.

Eggactly.

 

[Firestar]

It's OK, quizzi got it right much, much earlier in the thread:

I thought I saw it earlier.

 

[Melrose]

"Support bacteria. It's the only culture some people have."

 

[snberk103]

Eggactly.

Personally, it cracks me up....

 

[Firestar]

"Support bacteria. It's the only culture some people have."

That was pretty good.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 

[Gregg2]

Funny is in the eye of the beholder but it does make sense.

Chronologically, no, it doesn't.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christ

The word Christ (or similar spellings) appears in English and most European languages, owing to the Greek usage of Christós (transcribed in Latin as Christus) in the New Testament as a description for Jesus. Christ has now become a name, one part of the name "Jesus Christ", but originally it was a title (the Messiah) and not a name.

 

[MasterHowl]

The best joke I can think of is Microsoft only joking... *cough cough*

 

[snberk103]

Funny is in the eye of the beholder but it does make sense.

Chronologically, no, it doesn't.

And "No soap, radio" does? Which, imo, is also a funny joke...