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Corny Jokes and One Liners
- Thread starter renewed
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That's what makes it funny! If it was the other way around, it wouldn't be a joke!
Thrown in a ditch? Phil
Thrown in a Pond? Bob
A woman with no arms and legs leaning against the wall? Aileen
A japanese woman with no arms and legs leaning against the wall? Irene
Oh, they're so tasteless. Tbh I never understood why people thought they were so funny..
EDIT and I just realized I missed a page (someone already posted them)
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If Mrs. Ippi should lend Miss Ouri her new jersey, what would Della wear? Don't know but I'll Ask Her.
Mississippi, Missouri, New Jersey, Delware, Alaska... get it? "lol"
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A man and giraffe walk into a bar. Giraffe lays down on the floor. Bartender says "What's that lyin' there?" Man says "That's not a lion that's a giraffe."
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Two flies are sitting on the toilet seat. One flies away. What happened to the other one?
He got pissed off
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A man with a frog on his head go see the doctor. Doctor says "How on earth did that happen?!" Frog says "I have no idea. He started out as a wart on my ass!"
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Three nuns die and go to heaven. St. Peter stops them at the Pearly Gates and says "To enter heaven you must each answer a bible question!"
St. Peter asks the first nun, "Who built the ark to save humanity from the flood?"
Nun says "Noah!"
Thunder claps, gates open, the nun walks in.
St. Peter asks the second nun, "who slung the stone and killed Goliath?"
Nun says "David!"
Thunder claps, gates open, nun walks in.
St. Peter asks the third nun, "What is the first thing Eve said when God sent her to the Man?"
Nun thinks. Think some more. And more.
Nun finally says, "That's a hard one..."
Aaaaaand thunder claps, gates open, and the nun walks in.
Har har.
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What goes "thumpty-thump-thump, thumpty-thump-thump"?
Frosty the Snowman going through a snowblower...
What do you get when a Disney Princess visits Iowa?
Beauty and the Beef!
Frosty the Snowman going through a snowblower...
What do you get when a Disney Princess visits Iowa?
Beauty and the Beef!
To add to my list of favourite corny one liners...
- Looking for an ark? I Noah guy.
- Never invest in the funeral business. They're a dying industry.
- Drove past a cemetery today. That's the dead center of town.
- I was wondering why the baseball was getting closer, then it hit me.
- It's not that the performer couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
- The two men who drank the battery acid will be charged.
A man walks in to a doctors office. He has mashed potatoes in his left ear, a carrot in his right and green beans shoved up his nose.
He says "Doctor! Doctor! I feel terrible! What's wrong with me?"
The doctor looks at him and says "Well, I'll have to run some tests, but I'd say you just aren't eating right"
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How'd you spot the blind man in the nudist colony?
ehhhh, it's not hard.
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Two strings walk into a bar.
The first one says "Bartender, I'd like a drink"
The second one says "Bartender, I'd like a drink too#!334fF$FV560h3045tgs9704jt$#%^k49g"
First one turns back to the bartender and says "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null terminated"
He says "Doctor! Doctor! I feel terrible! What's wrong with me?"
The doctor looks at him and says "Well, I'll have to run some tests, but I'd say you just aren't eating right"
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How'd you spot the blind man in the nudist colony?
ehhhh, it's not hard.
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Two strings walk into a bar.
The first one says "Bartender, I'd like a drink"
The second one says "Bartender, I'd like a drink too#!334fF$FV560h3045tgs9704jt$#%^k49g"
First one turns back to the bartender and says "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null terminated"
Dammit, I thought I would be the only one stealing recent jokes from celebrity tweets.
A man goes to the doctors and says, "doctor, doctor, I think I'm a moth!"
The doctor says, "well, I don't think it's me you want to see, maybe I can refer you to a psychiatrist".
The man says, "funny you should say that, I actually just on my way there when I noticed your light was on."
The doctor says, "well, I don't think it's me you want to see, maybe I can refer you to a psychiatrist".
The man says, "funny you should say that, I actually just on my way there when I noticed your light was on."
But hey, do you want to also hear joke about Nobelium?
No.
Alright then, do you want to hear a joke about Potassium?
K.
lol...I'm just full of them today.
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I remember my lecture on selenium chemistry (Se), a lot about it bonded to aromatic systems- often shortened to "Ar". The lecturer spent an hour drawing Ar-Se on the board. We all giggled like little girls and he didn't have a clue!
I'm really sad aren't I?
I'm really sad aren't I?
But wait there's more!
Do you want to hear a joke about Yttrium?
Y?
I just can't help myself.
I went up to the counter at the 7-11 with a can of Morton and a Duracell.
+
I was charged with a salt and battery.
I was charged with a salt and battery.
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What do you call a guy with no legs no arms water skiing:
Skip
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter then the other:
Eileen
What do you call a dog with no legs:
Doesn't matter it still isn't going to come!!!
What do you call a guy with no legs no arms on your front porch:
Matt.
I find it odd that renewed hasn't posted once since opening the thread, but;
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.
Why did the seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it would fly over the bay it would be a bagel.
What did the football coach say to the vending machine?
"Give me my quarterback!"
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.
Why did the seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it would fly over the bay it would be a bagel.
What did the football coach say to the vending machine?
"Give me my quarterback!"
We get it, you don't approve of the joke. Please don't steer this innocent thread towards the PRSI.
Your avatar spun me out, I thought it moved, then it looked inanimate... Then it moved again.
Yes, taking the name of the Lord God in vain is definitely a no-no in the religious circles.
If the curse had come first, it wouldn't make it funny. Its funny because why would they use his name as a curse if the name didn't even exist yet. Chicken and egg type joke.
