Toggle sidebar Toggle sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

Corny Jokes and One Liners

Ivan P said:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
Click to expand...

Along similar lines-

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?
A Do-you-think-he-saurus!


What do you call a one eyed dinosaur's dog?
Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex!
 
hazza.jockel said:
Whats the hardest thing about cooking vegetables?

Getting the wheel chair in the oven.
Click to expand...

oooohhhh 😱 You're going to heck for that one!

======

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but the bulb really has to want to change....



How many Jewish grandsons does it take to change a lightbulb?

None - - Oy, don't get up. You don't need to put yourself out. Don't worry about me. I like sitting here in the dark.... it saves on the hydro bill. It's not like they grow electricity on trees, you know..... Did you get enough to eat? You look thin...
 
Last edited:
A guy goes to a 5 dollar lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day he goes back to complain and the woman says 'hey, it was only 5 dollars. What did you expect - Lobster?'

-Michael Scott
 
Why is is that when men talk dirty to women it is considered sexual harassment but when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $4.99/minute?
 
What does a baby sound like when you put it into a microwave?

I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.
 
Last edited:
^^^That's one of the most twisted and horrifying things I've heard in a while.
But Absolutely hilarious!!! 😀
 
I wanted to change my name to "None of the above" and then run for office. But the judge didn't think it would be as funny as I did.
 
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Null. They can't change anything.


*brace for impact*
 
How many Microsoft support engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Their light bulbs are working just fine so yours must be OK too.
 
And Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar..

The bartender says : Is this some kind of joke?

Trololol

I also love:

"They all laughed at me when I said I was going to become a comedian!, well their not laughing now!"

Edit: Didnt know if I should put this one in lol if there are any women about I am going to get run down.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

Check out Stewart Francis hes an amazing one liner comedian everything he comes out with is fantastic for example :

"I quit my job at the helium gas factory... I refuse to be spoken to in that tone" haha
 
Last edited:
Kilamite said:
Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse's funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon.
Click to expand...

Love this!!!!!!

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks.... "Why the long face??"

"You are playing stupid huh, because you are winning right now!"

I once had a goldfish that would hump the carpet but only for about 30 seconds..
 
My girlfriend told me that I sometimes treat her like a child. I didn't know how to react...



...so I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.!
 
Bravo for the last 8 pages. Some are very funny.

To backtrack several pages, here is another no arms/no legs joke.

What do you call two guys without arms or legs hanging on a wall?

Curt and Rod.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back