ex boyfriends

TSE

macrumors 68030
Original poster
Jun 25, 2007
2,987
574
St. Paul, Minnesota
Why does it seem like one minute a girl can be so into you then the next minute she has some weird obsession with her ex?

Whats the cause? Me for doing something wrong or not being good enough or her for just not being over her ex?

We have been hitting it off for about a month now and I asked her on a date last week for a comedy show Thursday. I bought her and I tickets.

Last night she threw a party at her place and everything was going good... until her ex showed up. They both disappeared and I wasn't going to ******** around so I just left.
 

maflynn

Moderator
Staff member
May 3, 2009
63,851
30,366
Boston
I don't blame you for leaving, but I'd recommend a calm discussion with her as to occurred and how it looked to you
 

ucfgrad93

macrumors P6
Aug 17, 2007
17,535
8,157
Colorado
I don't blame you for leaving, but I'd recommend a calm discussion with her as to occurred and how it looked to you
Agreed. I think you made the right decision by leaving. You need to have a conversation with her about what happened. Ask her what happened, and listen calmly to what she says.
 

LostSoul80

macrumors 68020
Jan 25, 2009
2,133
6
Last night she threw a party at her place and everything was going good... until her ex showed up. They both disappeared and I wasn't going to ******** around so I just left.
Your girl friend appears to be still very attached to another person with whom she shared a part of her life, presumably.
Are you sure you want to get into a relationship with this basis?
Are you sure she wants to become your girlfriend, and is not flirting with you (read: using you) to see her "ex" boyfriend's reaction?

I would avoid the situation.
*Run!*
 

sdilley14

macrumors 65816
Feb 8, 2007
1,232
190
Mesa, AZ
Your girl friend appears to be still very attached to another person with whom she shared a part of her life, presumably.
Are you sure you want to get into a relationship with this basis?
Are you sure she wants to become your girlfriend, and is not flirting with you (read: using you) to see her "ex" boyfriend's reaction?

I would avoid the situation.
*Run!*
All of this. Without knowing more about the situation, it's hard to make a judgment. How long was she with her ex? How and why did they break up? How long have they been broken up?

You've only been "hanging out" with her for about a month, and she is floating off with her ex bf. This is the time in a relationship where you're supposed to be practically inseperable.

It sounds to me like she isn't over her ex. I would strongly consider moving on. Who knows how long she'll stay hung up on her ex. You don't want to be sitting there being all paranoid and wondering if she's into you, wondering if she's still into her ex, etc.
 

sviato

macrumors 68020
Oct 27, 2010
2,274
44
HR 9038 A
In these situations, I've seen that people can be afraid to move on because, even though their previous relationship wasn't that great (such that it ended), they're afraid that the next one may not be as good as the previous one, which wasn't actually that good. Moving forward may seem like a risk sometimes and people start comparing the new person to the previous person.

I would've left too, but you should ask her about the ex if you want to know what's up. Just don't try too hard to rational it, rarely works when emotions are involved.
 

TSE

macrumors 68030
Original poster
Jun 25, 2007
2,987
574
St. Paul, Minnesota
I talked to her today. She said she started puking.

Just doesn't seem right to me. Her ex-boyfriend shows up. She goes with him to another place in the house, neither are heard from for the 10-15 minutes I am chilling talking to other people before I leave.

I'm done with her. Finding hopefully someone else to go with me Thursday.

Tell me if I'm being stupid. Thanks for the help/suggestions guys.
 

sdilley14

macrumors 65816
Feb 8, 2007
1,232
190
Mesa, AZ
I talked to her today. She said she started puking.

Just doesn't seem right to me. Her ex-boyfriend shows up. She goes with him to another place in the house, neither are heard from for the 10-15 minutes I am chilling talking to other people before I leave.

I'm done with her. Finding hopefully someone else to go with me Thursday.

Tell me if I'm being stupid. Thanks for the help/suggestions guys.
Well, if she was drunk to the point of throwing up, and she just floated away with him for 10-15 minutes...she probably didn't really know what was going on, and it might not have meant anything. Totally cutting ties over this might be a slight overreaction, but if your instincts are telling you its fishy and you should move on, listen to your instincts.
 

citizenzen

macrumors 65816
Mar 22, 2010
1,433
11,628
I'm not trying to minimize your hurt, or your situation, but I am curious ... how old are you?

That kind of situation seems very "high school". While the same thing could happen at any age, it seems that people learn a little discretion as they get older.

If you are young, just walk away ... and keep walking. The "right" woman would never do that to you.

IMHO
 

sdilley14

macrumors 65816
Feb 8, 2007
1,232
190
Mesa, AZ
I'm not trying to minimize your hurt, or your situation, but I am curious ... how old are you?

That kind of situation seems very "high school". While the same thing could happen at any age, it seems that people learn a little discretion as they get older.

If you are young, just walk away ... and keep walking. The "right" woman would never do that to you.

IMHO
Agreed. Definitely feels HS/college'ish to me. In which case, it's probably not worth your time and the headache it's inevitably going to create.
 

LIVEFRMNYC

macrumors 604
Oct 27, 2009
7,433
8,605
Good decision. Best to let her go. You were just one of her options(as they like to call it). After that lame excuse of puking, she is obviously not serious about you.
 

Macky-Mac

macrumors 68030
May 18, 2004
2,589
1,142
well now that you're her EX........she'll probably be paying much more attention to you than whoever is her new current :p
 

IGregory

macrumors 6502a
Aug 5, 2012
669
5
Why does it seem like one minute a girl can be so into you then the next minute she has some weird obsession with her ex?

Whats the cause? Me for doing something wrong or not being good enough or her for just not being over her ex?

We have been hitting it off for about a month now and I asked her on a date last week for a comedy show Thursday. I bought her and I tickets.

Last night she threw a party at her place and everything was going good... until her ex showed up. They both disappeared and I wasn't going to ******** around so I just left.
How old are you [don't you know anything about women]?
 

citizenzen

macrumors 65816
Mar 22, 2010
1,433
11,628
... 20... haha. I guess I don't. Live and learn? What am I missing that I haven't already figured out?
What to learn? Just walk away.

You'll meet so many women in your life that there's absolutely no reason to get stuck on somebody at such a young age.
 

OzExige

macrumors 6502
Mar 9, 2008
438
1
Omnipresence
I talked to her today. She said she started puking.

Just doesn't seem right to me. Her ex-boyfriend shows up. She goes with him to another place in the house, neither are heard from for the 10-15 minutes I am chilling talking to other people before I leave.

I'm done with her. Finding hopefully someone else to go with me Thursday.

Tell me if I'm being stupid. Thanks for the help/suggestions guys.

I was hesitating in offering 'my' opinion, however, I see you've taken the Bull by the Horns and told her [to use an Aussie vernacular] to Piss-Off!

All you have to do now is make her wish she hadn't made the mistake of going back to her ex.

pftt women
 

Scepticalscribe

macrumors Sandy Bridge
Jul 29, 2008
45,459
30,712
The Far Horizon
Another of these 'relationship' threads where the mere fact of the thread occurring here, (rather than talking to the lady in question, or your friends in 'real life') speaks volumes. Seriously, is talking to a group of anonymous individuals who cannot possibly be aware of the full story an ideal way of addressing this issue?

The OP's youth is evident from his tone, (she was 'so into me' - as a matter of idle enquiry - were you equally 'into her'?) but equally startling are some of the responses.

While it is entirely possible that the young lady in question has indeed to get over her ex, (and that can take years, not mere minutes) I find the brisk dismissal of her explanation slightly troubling. Is having taken too much alcohol the only reason for directing a parabola of puke towards a lavatory?

For what it is worth, in an earlier life, I have thrown up from stress, when I worked in a job I found fascinating but which came with the most toxic work environment I have ever experienced. Sunday nights were invariably rather unpleasant, as were Monday mornings.

However, sometimes, reading these 'relationship' threads, I feel as old as Methuselah. However, it is entirely possible that your knowledge of women, and how women think, is........not terribly extensive.
 

OzExige

macrumors 6502
Mar 9, 2008
438
1
Omnipresence
Another of these 'relationship' threads where the mere fact of the thread occurring here, (rather than talking to the lady in question, or your friends in 'real life') speaks volumes. Seriously, is talking to a group of anonymous individuals who cannot possibly be aware of the full story an ideal way of addressing this issue?

The OP's youth is evident from his tone, (she was 'so into me' - as a matter of idle enquiry - were you equally 'into her'?) but equally startling are some of the responses.

While it is entirely possible that the young lady in question has indeed to get over her ex, (and that can take years, not mere minutes) I find the brisk dismissal of her explanation slightly troubling. Is having taken too much alcohol the only reason for directing a parabola of puke towards a lavatory?

For what it is worth, in an earlier life, I have thrown up from stress, when I worked in a job I found fascinating but which came with the most toxic work environment I have ever experienced. Sunday nights were invariably rather unpleasant, as were Monday mornings.

However, sometimes, reading these 'relationship' threads, I feel as old as Methuselah. However, it is entirely possible that your knowledge of women, and how women think, is........not terribly extensive.

CAVEAT: All of that posted below is pure BS... No offence meant.




I have to take issue with your 'opinion'

A). Don't assume your qualifications, to wit your Methuselah-like status, makes you anymore informed than we. Nor should you presume your age is that significant.

B). Your own experiences with 'parabolic' puking may well be admissible, however, in this case many of us ['us' referring to we that think we have a handle on ALL women] think the girl is Full of IT! BS that is.

C). Those of us that are not directly involved may well be able to proffer our opine. It is, after all, a simple enough question from the OP.

D). Do you really aspire to the use of such magniloquent language? it seems overly excessive in view of the subject matter.
 

thekev

macrumors 604
Aug 5, 2010
6,668
1,741
Another of these 'relationship' threads where the mere fact of the thread occurring here, (rather than talking to the lady in question, or your friends in 'real life') speaks volumes. Seriously, is talking to a group of anonymous individuals who cannot possibly be aware of the full story an ideal way of addressing this issue?
Quoting in normal font:D

If you think he's young, your advice further down is not very good. You're right about not querying an anonymous forum for personal advice. The uncertainty clearly bothered him. If it causes him that much stress, he would probably be better off passing on this one.
 

Scepticalscribe

macrumors Sandy Bridge
Jul 29, 2008
45,459
30,712
The Far Horizon
I do think he is young, I suspect that he may have little insight into not just the female mind per se, but the mind of the young lady he was dating.

However, above all, I also think that an internet forum is not the best place to go to when seeking relationship advice.

His own friends - rather than anonymous strangers - are a better source of counsel and, indeed, solace, than we are, as we cannot possibly know the full story.

Two further points: Firstly, I offered the possibility of an alternative explanation for behaviour of the current 'ex' of the OP. It may, or may not, be incorrect - we, none of us, can know that for now. Others may differ, and - whatever the number of that Amendment some across the Pond claim to swear by - let us acknowledge one another's right to a differing and dissenting opinion in the name of freedom of speech.

Secondly, am I the only person on the forum who takes issue with the term 'girl' when describing a person with whom one has, or has had, a relationship? An adult female is a woman.
 

Macky-Mac

macrumors 68030
May 18, 2004
2,589
1,142
....
Secondly, am I the only person on the forum who takes issue with the term 'girl' when describing a person with whom one has, or has had, a relationship? An adult female is a woman.
if they were both out of college and getting on with adult life, you'd have a good point.......but he's 20 and she's presumably the same, more or less, and the reality is that many college kids still consider themselves "kids", and indeed many still aren't adults yet.......so "girl" and "boy" for mid-college kids doesn't seem inappropriate
 

AustinIllini

macrumors demi-goddess
Oct 20, 2011
10,819
7,434
Austin, TX
Secondly, am I the only person on the forum who takes issue with the term 'girl' when describing a person with whom one has, or has had, a relationship? An adult female is a woman.
Remember, "girl" means two different things. When you're talking about a young female, "girl" is a formal term, opposite of "boy". Remember, though, when you hit about 15, "girl" is an informal term, opposite of "guy". As long as it's okay to call an adult male a "guy", it should be okay to call an adult female a "girl" (or the antiquated "gal", if you prefer).

----------

if they were both out of college and getting on with adult life, you'd have a good point.......but he's 20 and she's presumably the same, more or less, and the reality is that many college kids still consider themselves "kids", and indeed many still aren't adults yet.......so "girl" and "boy" for mid-college kids doesn't seem inappropriate
Agreed here. As long as females refer to him as a "guy", he should be able to refer to them as "girls".
 

citizenzen

macrumors 65816
Mar 22, 2010
1,433
11,628
His own friends - rather than anonymous strangers - are a better source of counsel and, indeed, solace, than we are, as we cannot possibly know the full story.
I doubt his friends know the "full story".

And there is the problem of them not being disinterested parties as we are, not having the same amount of different experience as the members of the forum do, and not having the experience in years that we have.

I have no problem with seeking relationship advice in a forum. In the end it's just information for one to add to their own intuition and judgement. I can't see anything wrong with that.