ex boyfriends

[lurepe]

I doubt his friends know the "full story".

And there is the problem of them not being disinterested parties as we are, not having the same amount of different experience as the members of the forum do, and not having the experience in years that we have.

I have no problem with seeking relationship advice in a forum. In the end it's just information for one to add to their own intuition and judgement. I can't see anything wrong with that.

I agree with citizenzen, we are all members of the macrumors community, and most of us are interested in contributing to this community. I am twice as old as the original poster, and may have useful advice for him.

I don't see a reason to "criticize" the original poster for being young either.

 

[NewbieCanada]

That's interesting. I don't know what age it would be we stop referring to females as "girls". It has a lot to do with your age relative to the female. I would never call someone in their 50s a "girl" seeing as I'm in my 20s, but if I were 50 and the female were 50, "girl" would still be acceptable.

And let's not forget the very popular show from the 80s - the Golden Girls. These were women in their 50s and 60s. It wasn't just the title - the characters often referred to each other as girls.

What I personally can't abide is women referring to their friends as their girlfriends. No. Your girlfriend is someone you're dating.

 

[Thepoobear]

Woman was acting like a girl...

 

[PsstGreek]

Not to hijack this thread but it sort of plays into my situation. Maybe someone can enlighten me on this one.

How can a girl say that they love you and you just don't know how much, that you're the one for them and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and then one day suddenly shut that side of her mind off?

 

[Thepoobear]

Not to hijack this thread but it sort of plays into my situation. Maybe someone can enlighten me on this one.

How can a girl say that they love you and you just don't know how much, that you're the one for them and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and then one day suddenly shut that side of her mind off?

Haha, welcome to females.

Men are rational thinkers for the most part.
Women are abstract and wishy washy.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Haha, welcome to females.

Men are rational thinkers for the most part.
Women are abstract and wishy washy.

Wow. Speechless, I am. And I have learned something new today, uttered by the fount of wisdom himself. What an example of devastating, and penetrating and illuminating insight. What an analysis. How instructive.

Permit me a question. Your expertise derives from what source exactly (logic, books, the internet, or the lived example of personal experience which, by definition, leads to entirely rational and thinking responses?)

Actually, reading this and similar treads, when writing about women, I am constantly struck by that how extraordinary male combination of utter certainty, complete cluelessness merge so seamlessly, all described in a tone of blithe condescension.


----------

Not to hijack this thread but it sort of plays into my situation. Maybe someone can enlighten me on this one.

How can a girl say that they love you and you just don't know how much, that you're the one for them and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and then one day suddenly shut that side of her mind off?

Maybe she no longer thinks that 'you are the one' for her. This might be one explanation for her action.

 

[phrehdd]

The two parts missing -

Your trust in her
and
her consideration/sensitivity to your feelings.

Obviously those items are missing and best to just keep walking.

 

[Huntn]

Actually I think a forum thread like this can be a good source of different perspectives functioning as a sounding board of sorts. I always recommend discussion between the parties involved. Disappearing with an "ex" at a party tends to be suspicious...

 

[Thepoobear]

Wow. Speechless, I am. And I have learned something new today, uttered by the fount of wisdom himself. What an example of devastating, and penetrating and illuminating insight. What an analysis. How instructive.

Permit me a question. Your expertise derives from what source exactly (logic, books, the internet, or the lived example of personal experience which, by definition, leads to entirely rational and thinking responses?)

Actually, reading this and similar treads, when writing about women, I am constantly struck by that how extraordinary male combination of utter certainty, complete cluelessness merge so seamlessly, all described in a tone of blithe condescension.


----------



Maybe she no longer thinks that 'you are the one' for her. This might be one explanation for her action.

Typical.

 

[Consultant]

I talked to her today. She said she started puking.

Just doesn't seem right to me. Her ex-boyfriend shows up. She goes with him to another place in the house, neither are heard from for the 10-15 minutes I am chilling talking to other people before I leave.

I'm done with her. Finding hopefully someone else to go with me Thursday.

Tell me if I'm being stupid. Thanks for the help/suggestions guys.

Unfortunately, I bet they were doing drugs. Maybe something else.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Woman was acting like a girl...

Clearly the measured tones of an expert. However, please enlighten me, as I am a little unclear as the precise nature of the definitions you are seeking to employ, here.

Is this statement intended to be read as fact, or, as a statement, an opinion, or an obscure attempt at wit?

Typical.

The sort of articulate, informed, insightful response that adds immeasurably to the world's treasure trove of knowledge on how and why women behave, clearly penned by an expert.

 

[PsstGreek]

Maybe she no longer thinks that 'you are the one' for her. This might be one explanation for her action.

I don't know. Guessing I'll never understand the situation fully.

We're both going to college. I graduate at the end of the summer term and her at the end of the fall term. It's been three weeks since she broke up with me (can't tell if it's just a break, it ended weird). Lately it felt like she was being distant from me. One night while in bed I asked her if she was still happy with me and that's when it went downhill from there.

She basically said she wanted to focus on her priorities and no longer saw me as apart of her life. What changed, I don't know. Everything seem to be perfect and in line before then.

 

[Thepoobear]

Clearly the measured tones of an expert. However, please enlighten me, as I am a little unclear as the precise nature of the definitions you are seeking to employ, here.

Is this statement intended to be read as fact, or, as a statement, an opinion, or an obscure attempt at wit?





The sort of articulate, informed, insightful response that adds immeasurably to the world's treasure trove of knowledge on how and why women behave, clearly penned by an expert.

What's with all the verbose writing? Us men have a hard time figuring it all out...Just further pushes my point...women are complicated.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Not to hijack this thread but it sort of plays into my situation. Maybe someone can enlighten me on this one.

How can a girl say that they love you and you just don't know how much, that you're the one for them and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and then one day suddenly shut that side of her mind off?

I don't know. Guessing I'll never understand the situation fully.

We're both going to college. I graduate at the end of the summer term and her at the end of the fall term. It's been three weeks since she broke up with me (can't tell if it's just a break, it ended weird). Lately it felt like she was being distant from me. One night while in bed I asked her if she was still happy with me and that's when it went downhill from there.

She basically said she wanted to focus on her priorities and no longer saw me as apart of her life. What changed, I don't know. Everything seem to be perfect and in line before then.

Actually, from your own posts it seems clear that her decision was signalled a bit in advance of when it was actually announced. In other words, from what I can see, her mind had indeed come to a conclusion some time before she communicated it to you.

For what it is worth, women rarely come to these decisions suddenly; the occasion when it is announced my be sudden, and indeed, unexpected, (sometimes to both partners) but the actual decision process will usually have been preceded by quite a bit of thought, sometimes, a surprising bit of thought.

 

[PsstGreek]

Actually, from your own posts it seems clear that her decision was signalled a bit in advance of when it was actually announced. In other words, from what I can see, her mind had indeed come to a conclusion some time before she communicated it to you.

For what it is worth, women rarely come to these decisions suddenly; the occasion when it is announced my be sudden, and indeed, unexpected, (sometimes to both partners) but the actual decision process will usually have been preceded by quite a bit of thought, sometimes, a surprising bit of thought.

We basically lived together. But the last time I was at her house we hung out for most of the day and went out to dinner. I tried not to bring up anything about what happened but my brain was full of thoughts. Before I left her house, I asked if what we're going through is just a break or an actual we're through and she couldn't answer the question. She didn't know.

Now I am trying to focus on myself. Continuing with school and making sure I pass my classes and trying to find a better job than the one I have now (restaurants really suck to work at). But for some reason I am still holding on to the fact the we can back together and work everything out. Letting go as been a thought but really what I want most is an answer to that question.

 

[Huntn]

For what it is worth, women rarely come to these decisions suddenly; the occasion when it is announced my be sudden, and indeed, unexpected, (sometimes to both partners) but the actual decision process will usually have been preceded by quite a bit of thought, sometimes, a surprising bit of thought.

I think both genders function in this manner, while you can find both genders that act impulsively.

 

[jdechko]

What changed, I don't know. Everything seem to be perfect and in line before then.

Before I left her house, I asked if what we're going through is just a break or an actual we're through and she couldn't answer the question. She didn't know...But for some reason I am still holding on to the fact the we can back together and work everything out. Letting go as been a thought but really what I want most is an answer to that question.

Oh, that. You'll drive yourself insane trying to answer that question. Similar thing happened to me on 3 of the last 4 girls/ women I was dating. The 4th one ended up marrying me over 8 years ago.

As much as I asked, I never got a straight answer, or an answer that I liked. Eventually, I just kinda had to move on.

Actually, from your own posts it seems clear that her decision was signalled a bit in advance of when it was actually announced. In other words, from what I can see, her mind had indeed come to a conclusion some time before she communicated it to you.

For what it is worth, women rarely come to these decisions suddenly; the occasion when it is announced my be sudden, and indeed, unexpected, (sometimes to both partners) but the actual decision process will usually have been preceded by quite a bit of thought, sometimes, a surprising bit of thought.

Further proof that we men can sometimes be ignorant of our surroundings. In hindsight, it's apparent that things go awry in relationships. Sometimes, it's easy to resolve the issues and sometimes it's not.

I think the level of commitment from both individuals also has a lot to do with it. Though the issues may be more challenging, it can be easier to work through some issues having been married for a while than it is to work through others when you've only been dating for a short period. Working through a lack of trust (esp. through infidelity) is difficult regardless (which, thank God, I don't have experience with).

 

[PsstGreek]

Oh, that. You'll drive yourself insane trying to answer that question. Similar thing happened to me on 3 of the last 4 girls/ women I was dating. The 4th one ended up marrying me over 8 years ago.

As much as I asked, I never got a straight answer, or an answer that I liked. Eventually, I just kinda had to move on.

I'll probably have to that then. I do want her back in my life but really that's not up for me to decide. She's told me a few times over text that she may have made the worst decision of her life and wants to clear her head. God only knows what that means.

I have gotten advice from my family, friends and mainly my older brother. Although their advice is good and helpful I still want it to work out. But who knows, right now I'm focusing on bettering myself.

We're planning on having dinner after I get out of work saturday night. Would it be wise to bring up the subject or just leave it alone?

 

[jdechko]

We're planning on having dinner after I get out of work saturday night. Would it be wise to bring up the subject or just leave it alone?

I'd bring it up. Tell her what you're thinking; tell her how you feel; tell her that you understand what's she's saying, and where she's coming from. Tell her that you don't expect an answer immediately (and then don't pressure her until she's ready to talk).

Basically, make your position on the relationship clear and then put the ball in her court.

Give you both some time and space. At the same time, if you guys keep drifting too far apart, know when it's time to move on.

 

[PsstGreek]

I'd bring it up. Tell her what you're thinking; tell her how you feel; tell her that you understand what's she's saying, and where she's coming from. Tell her that you don't expect an answer immediately (and then don't pressure her until she's ready to talk).

Basically, make your position on the relationship clear and then put the ball in her court.

Give you both some time and space. At the same time, if you guys keep drifting too far apart, know when it's time to move on.

Got it and I'll bring it up. If we were meant to be than we were meant to be.

 

[Macky-Mac]

Got it and I'll bring it up. If we were meant to be than we were meant to be.

don't bring it up......if every time you see her you go through the whole "trying to figure it out" routine, you're sure to convince her it's time to move on

 

[Arran]

Continuing with school and making sure I pass my classes and trying to find a better job than the one I have now (restaurants really suck to work at).

Good move.

 

[PsstGreek]

don't bring it up......if every time you see her you go through the whole "trying to figure it out" routine, you're sure to convince her it's time to move on

Another valid point.

 

[Zombie Acorn]

Before the thread was hijacked by a bunch of non related garbage I think someone was asking why a girl would leave you for their ex at a party. The answer is because most girls in college who would get drunk enough to be puking, aren't making rational decisions.

Go find someone else.

 

[AmmarMac]

ex boy friend

I think soon he will not be ex but you might become ex then she might like you properly. I t seems she take more interest in ex so better to be ex