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GayWay - the gay and lesbian discussion (aka. Any Gays here?)

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A gay friend of mine is from Ghana, and he hasn't come out to his parents. He is waiting for college to end, because he think they may take away his funding.

I'm so grateful to have open minded, cool parents. Nothing but hugs and smiles when I came out of the closet. :)

Congrats to Lee for the 2000th post!! :D This thread is starting to feel like a MR home to me :).

_Emerson
 
Ugg said:
For those of you who might be interested, check out http://www.cirp.org/pages/restore.html
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I've heard of this restoration, and it seems very feasible. You said you did it and it worked for you?

While I'd love to be "whole" down there, the only real inconvenience is that I can't wear boxers or anything that allows it to swing in the wind under clothing.
 
I was raised in a Catholic home in a small town, but, when I came out to my parents, they were pretty cool after the initial shock. From the very beginning, they were totally accepting and love my partner just like one of the family. My partner's family is the same, so, we live a totally "normal" life with our families. We both feel very lucky to have intelligent families.
 
MontyZ said:
I was raised in a Catholic home in a small town, but, when I came out to my parents, they were pretty cool after the initial shock. From the very beginning, they were totally accepting and love my partner just like one of the family. My partner's family is the same, so, we live a totally "normal" life with our families. We both feel very lucky to have intelligent families.
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Yep. Same for me. Except the being cool about my coming out part. They freaked out and didn't look me in the eye for months. First thing my mom asked me was if I ad AIDS. I've only talked about it with them once since I told them, and I was told to never tell them about my relationships, never bring anyone home, because as far as they were concered I just haven't found the right girl yet. They have no intrest in meeting any of my gay friends, or any partners I may have. I'm not allowed to talk about anything homosexual related. My stepfather still believes that "AIDS cures fags" and voted for a ban on gay marriage. It makes me sad. Still. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that they have a gay son.

And they wonder why I'm not home much.
 
Guitarius said:
Yep. Same for me. Except the being cool about my coming out part. They freaked out and didn't look me in the eye for months. First thing my mom asked me was if I ad AIDS. I've only talked about it with them once since I told them, and I was told to never tell them about my relationships, never bring anyone home, because as far as they were concered I just haven't found the right girl yet. They have no intrest in meeting any of my gay friends, or any partners I may have. I'm not allowed to talk about anything homosexual related. My stepfather still believes that "AIDS cures fags" and voted for a ban on gay marriage. It makes me sad. Still. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that they have a gay son.
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Wow, that sucks. I know it must be hard to be essentially "rejected" by your parents because you don't fit their pre-conceived mold. And it would be harder in a small town where you don't even have the support of a "gay family." Maybe you need to force them to confront it and don't let them get away with pretending you're not gay. You know ... rebel. That's what I would have done if my parents weren't as great as they are.
 
MontyZ said:
Wow, that sucks. I know it must be hard to be essentially "rejected" by your parents because you don't fit their pre-conceived mold. And it would be harder in a small town where you don't even have the support of a "gay family." Maybe you need to force them to confront it and don't let them get away with pretending you're not gay. You know ... rebel. That's what I would have done if my parents weren't as great as they are.
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That sounds great in theory, and everything, but as most things are, easier said than done. I've made an attempt a couple of times. But what can you do? I'm at the end of my rope, you know?

And as far as the gay family goes, I've got a huge one. Just because it's small doesn't mean there's no fags around. I think have the male population is gay in this town. I say it's small, but it's not that small.
 
I agree - force them to confront it.

Go to them, sit them both down in the same room, and say "Mom... Dad... you shouldn't stay in denial about my sexuality. It isn't fair to anyone. I care about you, and I want us to have a relationship built on honesty." and go from there.

It's unfair to everyone for them to treat you like that.

_Emerson
 
Guitarius said:
That sounds great in theory, and everything, but as most things are, easier said than done. I've made an attempt a couple of times. But what can you do? I'm at the end of my rope, you know?

And as far as the gay family goes, I've got a huge one. Just because it's small doesn't mean there's no fags around. I think have the male population is gay in this town. I say it's small, but it's not that small.
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Oh yes, I realize it's a lot easier said than done. I've watched gay friends go through horrific times after coming out to their parents, especially if they are religious. How parents can totally disown their own child is beyond me, but, I've seen it happen too many times.

At least you have the support of an external "gay family." Where I came from, I think there were 3 gay people ... that I knew of, and they were very closeted and paranoid. That's why I had to leave as soon as I could.
 
Guitarius said:
That sounds great in theory, and everything, but as most things are, easier said than done. I've made an attempt a couple of times. But what can you do? I'm at the end of my rope, you know?

And as far as the gay family goes, I've got a huge one. Just because it's small doesn't mean there's no fags around. I think have the male population is gay in this town. I say it's small, but it's not that small.
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I went through a similar situation. All you can do is keep on being exactly who you are. They will have do deal with it at some point, but right now they're probably still in shock. Hang in there, man. They'll come around. It may take several years, but hold on to the hope they'll come out of it. However, it may be best for you to have limited contact with them for a while so they can sort things out. It's best for you to be around positive people for the time being as well. Just give them time.
 
scem0 said:
A gay friend of mine is from Ghana, and he hasn't come out to his parents. He is waiting for college to end, because he think they may take away his funding.

I'm so grateful to have open minded, cool parents. Nothing but hugs and smiles when I came out of the closet. :)

Congrats to Lee for the 2000th post!! :D This thread is starting to feel like a MR home to me :).

_Emerson
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Thanks sweetie! I didn't even notice. Do I get a cookie now? :)
 
I think what gets me the most is why they feel it's so bad? Is it the sexual aspect or the romantic aspect? I could almost understand about the sex, but not really. As far as the romance goes. My relationships have been so boring, we might as well have been married.

I just don't get why they think it's so wrong. You would think they would be happy. No chance of me getting a girl pregnant. Well...maybe...but I'd have to be really drunk. :D I dress better now that I'm out, and I talk more eloquently, because I'm not paranoid and afraid of being outed. Can you believe that I used to purposely screw up my grammar and walk around slouched? It's pathetic I tell you. I still can't spell for **** though.

Well, until I can find my own place (again) I'm still at home. All good houses and apartments are gone because of people from New Orleans, the ones left are either in the ghetto or way out of my price range.

And Emerson, sweetie, you can't just sit my parents down and tell them anything. If they don't want to hear it, they'll leave. Especially my step dad. He's one of those guys that lives by "To be the man, you gotta beat the man" and challenges my brother and I to a fight on almost a daily basis. Most of it is in jest, but I know deep down, somewhere, he'd love to "put us in our place". I was terrified of him until I was 16 years old, and twice his size. My mother is the queen of self-dillusion. She gets it from her mother.

I feel the best thing right now is to just let them have whatever time they need. When my wedding rolls around, and they still won't talk about it, then we may have a problem. But until, I'm just giving them the same space they're giving me.
 
leekohler said:
Thanks sweetie! I didn't even notice. Do I get a cookie now? :)
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You get whatever the hell you want, babe. :)

Guitarius said:
I think what gets me the most is why they feel it's so bad? Is it the sexual aspect or the romantic aspect? I could almost understand about the sex, but not really. As far as the romance goes. My relationships have been so boring, we might as well have been married.

I just don't get why they think it's so wrong.
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I'd ask them these questions. There just isn't any logic that can connect homosexuality to immorality. People who can't back up their opinions with logic should have their opinions corrected, especially when it causes you stress.

Guitarius said:
And Emerson, sweetie, you can't just sit my parents down and tell them anything. If they don't want to hear it, they'll leave. Especially my step dad. He's one of those guys that lives by "To be the man, you gotta beat the man" and challenges my brother and I to a fight on almost a daily basis. Most of it is in jest, but I know deep down, somewhere, he'd love to "put us in our place". I was terrified of him until I was 16 years old, and twice his size. My mother is the queen of self-dillusion. She gets it from her mother.
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You know what is best regarding your own parents, but if I were in your shoes, I'd tie down my parents if that's what it took. I'd do it for your parents good, as well as your own good. Children won't do the right thing if it means that they'd have to admit that they were wrong about something. Your parents are acting very childish, and I'd treat them as such. Sit them down and give them a lesson - maturity 101.

Sorry if I'm being rough on your parents. I don't know them, I could be totally wrong. But I care about you and anyone in your situation - it just isn't right.

_Emerson
 
Guitarius said:
I think what gets me the most is why they feel it's so bad? Is it the sexual aspect or the romantic aspect? I could almost understand about the sex, but not really. As far as the romance goes. My relationships have been so boring, we might as well have been married.

I just don't get why they think it's so wrong. You would think they would be happy. No chance of me getting a girl pregnant. Well...maybe...but I'd have to be really drunk. :D I dress better now that I'm out, and I talk more eloquently, because I'm not paranoid and afraid of being outed. Can you believe that I used to purposely screw up my grammar and walk around slouched? It's pathetic I tell you. I still can't spell for **** though.

Well, until I can find my own place (again) I'm still at home. All good houses and apartments are gone because of people from New Orleans, the ones left are either in the ghetto or way out of my price range.

And Emerson, sweetie, you can't just sit my parents down and tell them anything. If they don't want to hear it, they'll leave. Especially my step dad. He's one of those guys that lives by "To be the man, you gotta beat the man" and challenges my brother and I to a fight on almost a daily basis. Most of it is in jest, but I know deep down, somewhere, he'd love to "put us in our place". I was terrified of him until I was 16 years old, and twice his size. My mother is the queen of self-dillusion. She gets it from her mother.

I feel the best thing right now is to just let them have whatever time they need. When my wedding rolls around, and they still won't talk about it, then we may have a problem. But until, I'm just giving them the same space they're giving me.
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It's DEFINITELY the sex that bothers them. They also are feeling a sense of loss- no daughter-in-law, no grandkids (from you, at least). They also probably feel they did something wrong, and worry for your health and safety. These things are not your fault, and don't ever feel guilty about them. The only reason I mention them is to maybe help you see it from their eyes. I know it's of little comfort, but it may help you understand where they're coming from.
 
I find it odd that by the end of the week I only have my rainbow polo shirt from Old Navy left, so anywhere I go on friday night I end up wearing that shirt.
 
As a father, that did it for me. I was crushed. If Danielle couldn't do it for him, he really was gay.
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This cracked me up. I dunno. It was so blunt. It's very good, but I'm not sure if I like it or not. They keep saying about how much society and the church will reject them, and how bad a secret it was and that they had to keep it all costs. Honestly, the only people I feel rejected me were my parents. I dunno, maybe I have to finish it, and they will redeem themselves in the end. But over all, it's interesting.
 
Guitarius said:
This cracked me up. I dunno. It was so blunt. It's very good, but I'm not sure if I like it or not. They keep saying about how much society and the church will reject them, and how bad a secret it was and that they had to keep it all costs. Honestly, the only people I feel rejected me were my parents. I dunno, maybe I have to finish it, and they will redeem themselves in the end. But over all, it's interesting.
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Just keep it in mind. It may be helpful at some point.
 
To tell, or not to tell, that is the question

Guitarius said:
Yep. Same for me. Except the being cool about my coming out part. They freaked out and didn't look me in the eye for months. My stepfather still believes that "AIDS cures fags" and voted for a ban on gay marriage. It makes me sad. Still. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that they have a gay son.

And they wonder why I'm not home much.
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Dave,
That saddens me a lot to hear of your experiences in coming out. Perhaps the don't ask, don't tell would lead to a happier life all 'round. While I'm fully open with anyone who asks I don't advertise the fact I'm gay.

Perhaps with some of my overt postings at MR, it may be hard to understand that I've never raised the subject with my folks, even though I'm sure they'd be OK. From family comments, I'm certain that they talk without me being there. Like the next generation - my nieces and nephews and some of their strange questions.

I was fired from the first real job I had when it was discovered that I was bent. Not from anything of my doing, but we had a trainee on posting and he and I became the best of friends, and yes leading on to other matters. He got pissed at a works social and blurted it out. Come Monday, I was packed off to an eminent catholic psychiatrist to be cured. Even had to pay the fee myself !!! When he told the bosses that I was a happy well adjusted homosexual, the end of my tenure came so fast. The hypocritical thing was that after the same social, one of the managers f**ked me on the way home. I wasn't a very willing partner either. Such were the times then.

So Dave, while not from personal experience with my own family, although my buddy did commit suicide, when he came out to his parents and they had a sh*t fit. I really feel for you man, but I guess when you've come out, there's no going back.

Big hugs,
Kevin
aka Grey Beard
 
rainman::|:| said:
.....
on that note, any breeders (oh come on, you know i love you) reading, DON'T CUT YOUR LITTLE BOYS. they overwhelmingly don't like it later!
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:eek: I hate to hear that. I had my son circ'd at birth and I had done some research before he was born.

We asked many, many men how they felt about their circumsision and most of them were glad or indifferent that they were circumsized. Most people seemed to think that uncircumsized boys would be subject to ridicule.

A few days before he was born, my husband(who worked for 911 at the time) took a call from a parent for an ambulance. The father said his son was bleeding from his circumcision and he needed to go to the hospital. He was 15. Then the following day, my best friend (a doctor) said he said he was treating a senior citizen in a nursing home with a massive, painful infection because his uncut penis was not properly cared for there - and said it was one of the worst things he had seen since becoming a doctor. Now remember, these 2 incidents were just a day or two before my son was born and my rational was that he won't have to face circumcision or infections as an adult if we just do it right when he was born. After all, most males we spoke with (including my husband) say they were pretty happy with being circumsized.

My son cried for all of two minutes after his circumcision and believe me he cried much more vigorously and for much longer when he was hungry. So that part I don't feel too badly about.

After reading what you guys have to say, I am, for the first time since I made the decision, honestly regretting having it done. :(
 
well i didn't mean to make you feel bad... attitudes are certainly changing about the procedure, the problem was for a long time that uncut men didn't know how to properly keep clean and tidy, so infections were common among Americans... but with sex ed expanding the way it has, we've come to a greater understanding of the foreskin and it's natural purpose...

in fact, the attitude shift happened so suddenly, I have friends that circumcised their first child and then didn't with the second, just a few years later. I don't think your kid will seriously be too bothered one way or the other, I mean, it's still a penis after all :)
 
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