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girlfriend cheated over a year ago and just came clean, what should i do?
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3 weeks probably wasn't really 3 weeks unless you spent every day with her or lived with her. Just think back about how much time you actually spent together and whether it was pretty apparent you were both exclusive and serious or if she wasn't on the same page as you then.
22 yr old girls do not feel the need to apologize for a make out session after only dating you for 3 weeks. she did more. tell her you get one 'get of out jail free' pass.
hmmm, i'm actually on the other side of this topic. i'm 28 and have been going out with my gf for nearly 5yrs. we bought and moved in together 2 years ago.
we were going out with each other for only a week and i kissed a work collegue. i never have (or will) kiss/sleep with another girl ever again. i didn't tell my gf at the time, because i thought she'd think i would always be cheating on her.
it's nearly 5 yrs later and i still haven't told her, because it would be me admitting to lying to her all this time. it's still on my mind from time to time, but i think it's made me the bf i am today.
we were going out with each other for only a week and i kissed a work collegue. i never have (or will) kiss/sleep with another girl ever again. i didn't tell my gf at the time, because i thought she'd think i would always be cheating on her.
it's nearly 5 yrs later and i still haven't told her, because it would be me admitting to lying to her all this time. it's still on my mind from time to time, but i think it's made me the bf i am today.
so? is that not better than creating a new thread and cluttering up the forum?
back on topic though - i'm not awesome, but i strongly believe that it's made me more trustworthy (i know that's kind of a contradiction). i would love to "come clean" with my gf, but feel like i would get the reaction that the OP has in his mind. plus, like other people have stated, it was so early on into the relationship.... but i'll never be able to say to myself that i've never cheated on my gf (which kills me, especially with all the celebs coming clean these days). a weight i'll have to carry i suppose
I want to know what he was searching, to feel the need to create an account and tell us that lovely bit of information.
Sorry, seemed like you were telling us your story rather than seeking reassurance. You were 2 weeks into your relationship, and all you did is kiss her....I wouldn't be worrying about it as much as you are if I were you. Everybody makes small slip-ups like that.
I'd start to be more concerned about your gf uncovering your search history and finding this
Sorry it happened to you. Its good to forgive people but dishonesty now is a bad sign for the future, no matter how much maturity has occurred in a year. Still you gotta follow your heart as they say, often that means more hurt but sometimes more hurt is worth the positives.
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Preachy portion ( continue at own risk, have no idea if this applies to any of your situation):
I think part of the problem people run into today is that they do not follow traditional relationship norms or even have much in the way of boundaries in the whole dating world. Often we treat relationships like "mini-marriages", where is not only sex a given but monogamy is assumed. They are not marriages at all.
I wonder if relationships at that stage should assume non-monagamy instead, and it should be talked out explicitly whether the participants are going to actually have sex with other people. Not simply " see other people"that is too ambiguous of a term. (not saying you didn't do this, i think most people do not)
You get this serial relationship problem that so many people deal with in their 20s, one bad thing to the next, exasperated be the fact that people are having sex which clouds the relationship and is like coating problem food with a thin candy shell.
Every relationship should have clearly discussed boundaries. In general, people attempt monogamy when they are not prepared for the commitment. Heck many marriages have no business with this boundary unless people are prepared for it and really want it.
Another option is just to date but not worry about the monogamy thing. A little conquering of the jealousy dragon is probably not a bad thing for our maturity.
Finally, there is nothing wrong with waiting on intimacy until the commitment is there, marriage or whatever. People will have better relationships by getting to know the person without the pressure (and yes even with the benefits) of all the other stuff.
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Preachy portion ( continue at own risk, have no idea if this applies to any of your situation):
I think part of the problem people run into today is that they do not follow traditional relationship norms or even have much in the way of boundaries in the whole dating world. Often we treat relationships like "mini-marriages", where is not only sex a given but monogamy is assumed. They are not marriages at all.
I wonder if relationships at that stage should assume non-monagamy instead, and it should be talked out explicitly whether the participants are going to actually have sex with other people. Not simply " see other people"that is too ambiguous of a term. (not saying you didn't do this, i think most people do not)
You get this serial relationship problem that so many people deal with in their 20s, one bad thing to the next, exasperated be the fact that people are having sex which clouds the relationship and is like coating problem food with a thin candy shell.
Every relationship should have clearly discussed boundaries. In general, people attempt monogamy when they are not prepared for the commitment. Heck many marriages have no business with this boundary unless people are prepared for it and really want it.
Another option is just to date but not worry about the monogamy thing. A little conquering of the jealousy dragon is probably not a bad thing for our maturity.
Finally, there is nothing wrong with waiting on intimacy until the commitment is there, marriage or whatever. People will have better relationships by getting to know the person without the pressure (and yes even with the benefits) of all the other stuff.
