Atlasland said:
Well.. that's a little far... even for me. I'm just trying to cheer the guy up and let him know that it's alright for him to move on and forget about her, go find another woman who will satisfy him both in mind and body.
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Girlfriend of 1.25 years decides its 'time for a break'
- Thread starter lamina
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Well.. that's a little far... even for me. I'm just trying to cheer the guy up and let him know that it's alright for him to move on and forget about her, go find another woman who will satisfy him both in mind and body.
Drop her. She's not worth your time--especially since you don't seem to be worth hers. If she really saw your relationship with her as lasting then there wouldn't be a need for this break to have a fling. What's she going to do if you get married and wants to take a break for another fling?? Blech.... She's bad news.
I agree with everybody in this thread so I'm just gonna back them all up even more. Also when I think about it, everybody here seems to have a lot of insight/intelligence. You should listen to them:
Stay away.
Stay away.
One year is nothing. You feel like it is, but it isn't. Do yourself a favor and stay as far away from her as you can.
Adopt a notoriously difficult-to-be-mad with, yet slightly arrogant attitude and state things like:
"Well, good luck." "Keep in touch." "Enjoy yourself."
... because it'll give her the impression that you really don't care (you shouldn't if she's doing this to you) and let her do all the calling to you - never call her. When she does call, adopt said attidude - be nice, but standoffish.
She's slapping you with a fish - don't take it.
It hurts, I know, but take a deep breath, and enjoy your singleness.
"Well, good luck." "Keep in touch." "Enjoy yourself."
... because it'll give her the impression that you really don't care (you shouldn't if she's doing this to you) and let her do all the calling to you - never call her. When she does call, adopt said attidude - be nice, but standoffish.
She's slapping you with a fish - don't take it.
It hurts, I know, but take a deep breath, and enjoy your singleness.
Your response was remarkable for its virulence.Atlasland said:
Entirely reasonable in view of the above. Aren't we all guilty of attempting to manipulate people's feelings at one point or another?
And how do you really feel about it?Atlasland said:
All people manipulate others' feelings at one time or another. It's part of being human. I don't think she's trying to manipulate his feelings, however. I think she's dating someone else and wants him held in reserve. It's not evil of her to try. It's perhaps a bit foolish of him to agree to it, though.
Burn in hell for all eternity, huh? What's your punishment recommendation for people who actually do really bad things?
Be totally okay with it. Tell her you were thinking the same thing. Itll drive her bonkers!
Then go out and find someone new.
Then go out and find someone new.
jsw said:
- They were in a long term relationship, she said she wanted to take a break, and then immediately gets with someone else.
It sounds like she might have had this guy lined up in the background for a while - possibly cheating on the OP. After a long-term relationship the last thing you want to do is start something serious with someone else - unless you planned it in advance.
- And then in addition to that to keep the OP in reserve is just not on.
I can understand that kind of behaiour in a 3 week relationship, but not after a 1.25 year relationship. After such a long relationship you still have a responsibility to the person you were with. In particular you have a responsibility to not excessively hurt that person.
Even if you didn't love them anymore, if you genuinely cared about that person, you wouldn't keep them "in reserve" like that. I mean, how disrespectful is that to the OP? Screwing some other guy, but still keeping the OP on emotional tenterhooks.
jsw said:
- You are very wrong here. When you get very close to someone you are able to hurt that person in ways that are so deep that little else compares. With that power, comes responsibility.
Knowingly abusing that power is pathetic. And this is what she is doing by keeping him in reserve like that. It takes a certain kind of person to do that - and it's not a nice one.
All the insults and nastiness in the world just can't compare with the hurt that a loved one can inflict. As such, it is a far greater sin, in my opinion.
- I always treat the people that I am/have been with with respect & consideration in every way. It disgusts me when others [both men and women] don't.
As a result of this thread a quote from Jeff Foxworthy comes to mind:
"Guys, if a woman says to you 'I think we should start seeing other people', trust me she has already cut a pony from the herd and if she ain't riding him yet, she has pulled the saddle out of the barn."
-Jeff Foxworthy, "Totally Committed" 1998
Not an exact match to the situation, but I think it still applies...
"Guys, if a woman says to you 'I think we should start seeing other people', trust me she has already cut a pony from the herd and if she ain't riding him yet, she has pulled the saddle out of the barn."
-Jeff Foxworthy, "Totally Committed" 1998
Not an exact match to the situation, but I think it still applies...
totally sucks-
but basically to echo everyone else- yes you should move on
however- it will be and is hard-
(as others have said)
i was in a similar situation bout 2years back
and i didn't 'just move on'
i dwelled and dwelled....
she married the other guy
so i sat around & basically wasted a year kinda waiting & dwelling and feeling lost & heart-broken....etc
kinda all the stuff you are describing
none of us are saying that 'forgetting about her & moving on' will happen over night nor be easy-
but it still is the best thing.
if you are having a tough time w/ it all
try picking up a new hobby, re-discovering old friends (non-romantic), and posting want ads on CraigsList...
best of luck-
but basically to echo everyone else- yes you should move on
however- it will be and is hard-
(as others have said)
i was in a similar situation bout 2years back
and i didn't 'just move on'
i dwelled and dwelled....
she married the other guy
so i sat around & basically wasted a year kinda waiting & dwelling and feeling lost & heart-broken....etc
kinda all the stuff you are describing
none of us are saying that 'forgetting about her & moving on' will happen over night nor be easy-
but it still is the best thing.
if you are having a tough time w/ it all
try picking up a new hobby, re-discovering old friends (non-romantic), and posting want ads on CraigsList...
best of luck-
Saw this b4 work this morning and didn't have a chance to extend my sympathies; speaking of which, I'm sorry. It sucks to have your heart messed with. I agree with those who have suggested that you not trust her. In fact I think that what is by far the best course of action for you is to not speak with her for any reason. Not that this is an easy suggestion to heed.
My other suggestion is to grab a couple of close buddies and a cab, and close down the local bars. <-- That may have to wait till the weekend though. Until then exercise is a decent substitute.
Best of luck.
My other suggestion is to grab a couple of close buddies and a cab, and close down the local bars. <-- That may have to wait till the weekend though. Until then exercise is a decent substitute.
Best of luck.
While I 100% agree with everyone here in saying that you should move on, I'd just like to add a slice of moderation to their further recommendation that you go on some fling yourself.
Sometimes a rebound fling feels nice, but sometimes the mature "get to know yourself, as a single person" thing is nice too. But only you know what you need. I guess all I'm saying is, after you wash your hands of this girl, don't feel pressured to further react in any way. You've got nothing to prove.
Sometimes a rebound fling feels nice, but sometimes the mature "get to know yourself, as a single person" thing is nice too. But only you know what you need. I guess all I'm saying is, after you wash your hands of this girl, don't feel pressured to further react in any way. You've got nothing to prove.
I disagree with your statement here. I was with a guy for 1.5 years, we broke up. And about a week and a half later, I got with the man I'm still with almost 4 years later. I was not cheating on my ex. Nor did I have my current boyfriend lined up (we had already been friends for over a year). It just worked out this way.Atlasland said:
I don't think "banging her friends" is a good plan at all: better to look forward and move on than to waste even more of your time trying to get even.Johnny Rico said:
Thanks everyone for your input... I didn't expect this much of a response.
One common thing I see is to not talk to her again. I do enjoy talking to her and she has basically filled my basement with her stuff for when she moves back into town in September. There's going to be some conversation then.
So, I ask... what is the problem with us still talking?
One common thing I see is to not talk to her again. I do enjoy talking to her and she has basically filled my basement with her stuff for when she moves back into town in September. There's going to be some conversation then.
So, I ask... what is the problem with us still talking?
No problem as long as your relationship is clearly defined. Keep away from slippery slopes.lamina said:
Hmmm. Seems like you treat relationships like marriages, and you seem to feel that there's some moral and ethical requirement to terminate one relationship before beginning another. If you're that hurt by someone ending a relationship with you, the problem is yours, not theirs.Atlasland said:
She was upfront with him. She gave him the option. While I feel for him and wouldn't want to be in his situation, that's life. To call someone evil for finding someone else seems both immature and narrow-minded.
Apparently, if you're in a relationship with someone, your belief is that you need to be bound by their emotions, not yours.
I see no problem with it whatsoever, as long as you realize you're responsible for your emotions and she likely doesn't share your feelings, at least to the same depth. Maybe it'll all work out great for the two of you, and maybe not, but don't go into it expecting that she'll end up with you. Go into it thinking that she might and she might not, and limit your expectations.lamina said:
