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Girlfriend of 1.25 years decides its 'time for a break'

itcheroni said:
I guess I'm going to be the lone voice and said you should give her another chance if you go into it the right way. Try to have the maturity to have an open relationship. But if you can't do that, then you shouldn't give her a chance. Definitely don't live with her. If it makes you feel awkward or jealous to hear about her relationships, then maybe make a rule to not talk about that aspect of your lives when together. I would look at this as a good growing opportunity.
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Totally disagree... I've been hurt like that, it's a bitch, you always feel like a fool (even if you think they love you... they clearly don't :rolleyes: ), you have to just move on, there are plently of better fish in the sea! :D
 
Blue Velvet said:
No-one said you should. But why do you find yourself masochistically and slavishly catering to her needs while she ditches you for someone else?
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Because he still loves her. The love he still has for her isn't just gonna vanish because she left. It doesn't matter what she did or what she's doing, when you're in that type of relationship, feelings do not fade away that easily :)
 
lamina said:
So, I ask... what is the problem with us still talking?
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I just saw this one.....This is going to be hard...if you love her and talk to her on the regular..that feeling will never part you and you won't move on...keep your distance for awhile or ease up on talking to her and let yourself heal fully.....i garantee you won't heal but build hate/or more love for her when ya'll talk and shes not responding the way you want her to.....Just leave her be and heal yourself.

Love is hard.....and can be sad/painful/great all rolled into one....emotions...do we really need em.


Bless
 
devilot said:
I disagree with your statement here. I was with a guy for 1.5 years, we broke up. And about a week and a half later, I got with the man I'm still with almost 4 years later. I was not cheating on my ex. Nor did I have my current boyfriend lined up (we had already been friends for over a year). It just worked out this way.
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Take it from a guy that did the same thing with a woman that was dating a guy for 2 years. It just worked out actually the way he wanted it to. (But, FWIW, I married her..)

Back to the topic at hand...

Why are you letting this woman that has zero (let me say that again) zero respect for you, push you around? She is USING YOU! She made her choice, she needs to face up to the responsibility of those choices.

You will not be able to move on if she's still hanging around and that wound will just stay open. Actually what she wants because then she is done with her toy, she can come back to you for a stable relationship until thhe next time she wants to go have fun....
 
Almost everyone here has given you good advice, but its not even about her. Its about what is best for your character and learning about relationships. The sooner you sever ties with her and move on the better.

You need to internally make the connection to the habits in your relationship that are signs of a bad relationship. Niether you or her are happy in this situation, and you definitely don't sound like you respect, let alone love each other. You need to get out of this relationship, spend some time alone to work on YOURSELF, and think what it is that you really want in a partner. If your even considering staying in this relationship you have some serious character and integrity issues that you need to work on.

Sever the ties. Move on, and let yourself come to terms and grow from the expreience of the relationship. Take your time, and eventually start fresh with a woman who has a little more to offer you. and you will have more to ofer HER at that point.

- Doc
 
Atlasland said:
[Yes, I know this post will get edited/deleted, and I'll get banned, but hey, there ya go]
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Yup. Definitely. I'll edit it and then ban you for disagreeing with me. :rolleyes:

We have vastly different opinions of what a person should reasonably expect out of a short-term (and, to me, 15 months isn't long-term when at least part of it clearly was long-distance) relationship between people who are about 20 years of age or so. I think your world is a lot more idealistic than mine.

lamina: in the end, we're a bunch of strangers who are trying to advise you on a relationship when we've never met you, her, or the other guy. We're going on our experiences, which might or might not actually be applicable to you. I hope it works out in whatever way is best for you, and if you try to get your head at least as involved as your heart, you'll be fine.
 
jsw said:
lamina: in the end, we're a bunch of strangers who are trying to advise you on a relationship when we've never met you, her, or the other guy. We're going on our experiences, which might or might not actually be applicable to you. I hope it works out in whatever way is best for you, and if you try to get your head at least as involved as your heart, you'll be fine.
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You nailed it jsw, that's why you are so awesome! :cool:

I believe most of us appreciate you sharing with us strangers, and by doing so, your ultimate decision will not be based on emotions, but rational reflection.
 
lamina said:
We still talk once every few days, and have open conversation about her relationship and my attempts at new relationships.

She will be moving back to my town for school again in September. She claims she still has feelings for me.
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Like monkeys they are... never letting go of one branch until they have a firm grasp of another.

This girl is a headache, ditch her and she'll come crawling back... and when she does, it will be dirty, nasty sex time.
 
cr2sh said:
Like monkeys they are... never letting go of one branch until they have a firm grasp of another.
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Yeah... and men are never that way. ;)

And, BTW, thanks for going with "branch" as opposed to another popular monkey-oriented term.... :D
 
cr2sh said:
Like monkeys they are... never letting go of one branch until they have a firm grasp of another.

This girl is a headache, ditch her and she'll come crawling back... and when she does, it will be dirty, nasty sex time.
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Thats probably the best bit of advice I've ever gotten. I won't call her, and when she calls me, ill just be passive.

She might be wise to my game though... ohh well I've got all summer to myself, I just need to find a female distraction.
 
1.5 years

lamina said:
... and immediately after decides to start seeing a new guy. She is 19, I'm 22 and the new guy she is seeing is *26*.

She says he is just a summer fling and wouldn't be interested in a long-term relationship, given the fact that he works full-time at a call center (not that theres anything wrong with that) and is 26. This happened very suddenly and seemingly from completely out of the blue.

We still talk once every few days, and have open conversation about her relationship and my attempts at new relationships.

She will be moving back to my town for school again in September. She claims she still has feelings for me.

Question is... should I give her another chance? I am still deeply in love with her and she is always on my mind. Has anyone been in the same situation?
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You starting this conversation by the number of years you have dated her. The problem is 1.5 years does that make her extra special that she has to date you because she dated you for 1.5 years. my roommate got dumped after 6 years of a relationship because she didn't want to get married. he somehow got in his head since he dated her for six years he could get her back because he dated her for six years. either way, she still didn't love him, and would never give him what he really wants.

all she is doing is wanting someone to play with over the summer then perhaps go back to you, or maybe go back to another guy. face it, she is walking all over you, and being the man you are you are letting her. is this the kind of girl you want to stay with a long term relationship?

girls find confidence very very very sexy. If you let a girl go have a dirty little summer fling with another guy, you might be lacking in the assertive dept. you need accept what happened and move on.

there are 5 stages of grief:
http://mt.essortment.com/stagesofgri_rvkg.htm

The five stages of grief are:

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.


2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.


3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.


4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.


5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.


Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
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I would suggest telling her parents to pick up her stuff from your basement or you putting it in storage and sending them or her the bill.

The relationship is done. I would not give her a second chance she does not deserve one.
She is 19 by the time she is 25 her personality will have changed , same with yours, who knows what will interest you then... the most common thing I see with my friends is that they slowly grow apart from each other in a relationship people change over time , sometimes the changes are compatible with yours most often not.
In a good relatioship you are friends partners and lovers, when the romance fades the love can remain and you can still be close friends, though admitedly at your age, the lover part takes priority.
I blame her hormones for messing her up, most women keep have hormonal modification until age 25 or so when growth finally stops. Men are generally done by 21...
 
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