Girlfriend of 1.25 years decides its 'time for a break'

[ejb190]

Yup. Move on.

I was in a similar place a few years ago. I still have a soft spot for my previous SO as we went through so much together (Death of her grandfather, I had back surgery, and so on). But I haven't talked to her in a couple of years and even when she was back in town, she didn't even try to look me up.

One other thing. A friend of mine told me that the best wedding gift he got his wife was meeting and getting married at 35 instead of 25. They both had a lot more maturity and strength that has helped them grow stronger as a couple. I couldn't agree more. I am 32 and getting married in September to a wonderful lady I could not have seen myself dating just a few years ago.

Yes, it hurts. Investing emotionally in another person is the most risky and potentially the most rewarding thing you can do. Relax and enjoy life. It is not going end because you are single.

 

[CorvusCamenarum]

If she did it to you, she'll do it to him, and if you give her the opportunity, she'll do it to you again.

My experience is that the "we need a break" line is just female BS-speak for "you're being replaced". Don't stand for it. Call her out on it.

The best revenge you can possibly get is to find someone she'll see as better than her, and make sure she sees the two of you happy as can be together, and always be nice to her. If she's as petty as you make her out to be, it'll drive her batty beyond belief.

 

[itcheroni]

I guess I'm going to be the lone voice and said you should give her another chance if you go into it the right way. Try to have the maturity to have an open relationship. But if you can't do that, then you shouldn't give her a chance. Definitely don't live with her. If it makes you feel awkward or jealous to hear about her relationships, then maybe make a rule to not talk about that aspect of your lives when together. I would look at this as a good growing opportunity.

 

[Eevee]

I'd agree with much of what has been said in this thread, except for one thing. I would spend a month or two finding out who you are as a person. We are different people inside and outside of a relationship, and I think it is always beneficial to make time between relationships to find out who you are and how you've grown in the last year and a half.

Tobefirst is right. Not only should you forget about her, but now is the time for solitude and personal reflection. It'll hurt, but you will be a stronger person.

Sorry to hear about this bro...

 

[XNine]

Tell us how you really feel.

You don't want to know...

Don't forget to Empty the Trash!

Only if he can finder.

AH HA! HAHAHA! get it? "finder?!"

yeah, it wasn't funny.

 

[Dillenger]

Just like me daddy used to say, "women (and men for that matter) are like city busses, there will be another one along shortly". Time to move on, unless of course she is willing to buy you a new MacBook Pro if she wanted to get back together with you, then I might be willing to hang off for a bit! Just kidding!!!

 

[macgeek2005]

... and immediately after decides to start seeing a new guy. She is 19, I'm 22 and the new guy she is seeing is *26*.

She says he is just a summer fling and wouldn't be interested in a long-term relationship, given the fact that he works full-time at a call center (not that theres anything wrong with that) and is 26. This happened very suddenly and seemingly from completely out of the blue.

We still talk once every few days, and have open conversation about her relationship and my attempts at new relationships.

She will be moving back to my town for school again in September. She claims she still has feelings for me.

Question is... should I give her another chance? I am still deeply in love with her and she is always on my mind. Has anyone been in the same situation?

Why don't you ponder over these few quotes from an enlightened woman.

"Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it"

"When I am clear, what is is what I want"

"How do I know I don't need what I want? I don't have it"

"If I think you're my problem, I'm insane"

"Nothing you believe is true. To know this is freedom"

"Everyone and everything is doing it's job perfectly, no mistake"

"When I argue with reality I lose, but only 100% of the time"

 

[Eevee]

Why are you being such a doormat?

lamina, there is no point to keep her stuff anymore nor converse with her when she gets back!

 

[celebrian23]

You'll be glad you moved after all this terrible mess is over, and then you find someone new. When you've invested in a relationship, it always hurts to admit it's over, but once you do that, you can move on- really really move on

 

[lamina]

Why are you being such a doormat?

Her parents and her and I drove from Halifax to St. Catharines wiht the agreement that they could store her stuff in my basement for the summer. The trip cost me about $100 - a tank of gas and food, and would otherwise have cost me a rediculous amount to get all my stuff back.

It's not like now that we're broken up I'm gonna burn all her things.

 

[eva01]

Her parents and her and I drove from Halifax to St. Catharines wiht the agreement that they could store her stuff in my basement for the summer. The trip cost me about $100 - a tank of gas and food, and would otherwise have cost me a rediculous amount to get all my stuff back.

It's not like now that we're broken up I'm gonna burn all her things.

isn't that half the fun in breaking up with someone?

Burning all the **** they gave you

 

[Blue Velvet]

It's not like now that we're broken up I'm gonna burn all her things.

No-one said you should. But why do you find yourself masochistically and slavishly catering to her needs while she ditches you for someone else?

 

[Boggle]

Thanks everyone for your input... I didn't expect this much of a response.

One common thing I see is to not talk to her again. I do enjoy talking to her and she has basically filled my basement with her stuff for when she moves back into town in September. There's going to be some conversation then.

So, I ask... what is the problem with us still talking?

The short answer is, she's using you. But fortunately, there is a longer less cruel answer.

Ok, this isn't about what you enjoy about her, it's about the end of a "relationship." Since she is the one who ended it and you are the one who has been hurt and still has attachment; the concern is not for what will make you feel the least pain today, but what will make you get to the point that the whole situation is no longer painful in the shortest period of time. To do that you should have COMPLETE SEPERATION.

Talking to her will only prolong your pain. Ok, I can't hold off this on one thing. Do not under any circumstances give this woman any storage space for anything. That is something much more appropriate for the NEW FRIEND to do. A "break" is just that. You cannot let her set any terms in her favor on this. And to be clear, I am anti-revenge. You just can't (okay shouldn't) allow her to end the relationship and continue to gain benefits, that shows total disregard for the relationship as being distinct from a regular friendship, and it could be seen as a lack of self-respect on your part.

Seriously, I think everybody here is looking out for you. There are many here who speak from experience, I'd trust that type of experience.

Best of luck,

Boggle.

 

[lamina]

Originally Posted by tobefirst
I'd agree with much of what has been said in this thread, except for one thing. I would spend a month or two finding out who you are as a person. We are different people inside and outside of a relationship, and I think it is always beneficial to make time between relationships to find out who you are and how you've grown in the last year and a half.

Tobefirst is right. Not only should you forget about her, but now is the time for solitude and personal reflection. It'll hurt, but you will be a stronger person.

Sorry to hear about this bro...

I think that is a good point, as I have zero chance of seeing her until September. She lives about 800km away. Maybe I should have mentioned that originally.

 

[lamina]

No-one said you should. But why do you find yourself masochistically and slavishly catering to her needs while she ditches you for someone else?

We were on very good terms when all of it was dropped off at the end of April.

EDIT: Thought yall of all people would appreciate this... I bought her a Black 30GB iPod for christmas

 

[Atlasland]

Seems like you treat relationships like marriages, and you seem to feel that there's some moral and ethical requirement to terminate one relationship before beginning another.

Of course I believe that you should "terminate one relationship before beginning another"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So cheating on your partner is par for the course for you??!?!?!???!?

Don't you have any moral scruples???!?!?!?

If you're that hurt by someone ending a relationship with you, the problem is yours, not theirs.

Yes.

She was upfront with him. She gave him the option.

Er... what option was that? She didn't give him any option. She dumped him. Where's the option?

While I feel for him and wouldn't want to be in his situation, that's life. To call someone evil for finding someone else seems both immature and narrow-minded.

Don't try and patronise me. I'm not calling anyone evil for "finding someone else". I'm saying that:

• dumping a guy after 1.25 years because you want to take a break
  
  
• then getting with someone else a few days later
  
  
• then leading the OP on, by hinting that she might still be interested in him

is not the way to treat someone you genuinely care about.


If you cannot see that, then may I suggest that you are the one who is both immature and narrow minded:

• immature enough to not have any consideration for another person's feelings.
  
  
• narrow-minded enough to not realise the implications of your actions [i.e. in this case, the ex-girlfriend does not realise that telling the OP that she still thinks about him will only make the break up more difficult for the both of them].

If you are unable to appreciate that, then I would suggest that there is something a amiss with your mind. I feel sad that you equate responsibility & consideration with immaturity & narrow-mindedness.

Apparently, if you're in a relationship with someone, your belief is that you need to be bound by their emotions, not yours.

Not "bound by their emotions", considerate of their emotions. When you are in an adult relationship you should be considerate of your partner's emotions. That's what being in an adult relationship is about.



[Yes, I know this post will get edited/deleted, and I'll get banned, but hey, there ya go]

 

[sushi]

The phrase "Drop her like a hot potato" springs to mind.

My God. Skunk and I completely agree on a topic!

 

[sethypoo]

get over her, she's clearly not as commited to you as you are to her. move on.

I agree, there's no commitment so far as I can tell (based on what, two paragraphs?!?).

What if she decides to "take a break" sometime during your marriage? I mean, for some couples this could be a good thing (swingers, perhaps?), but for most, monogamy is key.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I say go with your gut. Pick a decision, and see if you like it. If your gut tells you no, well then, the answer's no.

 

[patrick0brien]

The phrase "Drop her like a hot potato" springs to mind.

My God. Skunk and I completely agree on a topic!

OMyGod! A puncture in the fabric of space time has occured! We're all gonna - sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssucccckkk!!>paff!<

 

[mactastic]

Dude.... She's 19. That's pretty much all I need to hear.

Trust the forum -- you'll be much better off moving on.

 

[lamina]

lamina, there is no point to keep her stuff anymore nor converse with her when she gets back!

Although my dad does work for a shipping company and gets shipping for free (you bet I use it for eBay), I don't think its reasonable to send her dressers, tables, and bed in boxes to her house, y'no what I'm sayin?

Id have to say that you all have helped me a lot today, I feel a bit better about the situation. Thanks a lot for your input.

 

[2nyRiggz]

The phrase "Drop her like a hot potato" springs to mind.

Indeed Drop her fast fella....REAL FAST!.....moving right along.


Bless

 

[jwkunkle]

As everyone else has stated, best to chalk it up to experience and move on. You are still very young, and will probably have a few more of these types of experiences ahead of you. It hurts initially, but heals very quickly.

Go out with your friends and have a good time for a bit before getting right back into another relationship!!

Cheers.

Josh

 

[Dale Sorel]

The phrase "Drop her like a hot potato" springs to mind.

LOL

 

[patrick0brien]

I don't think its reasonable to send her dressers, tables, and bed in boxes to her house, y'no what I'm sayin?

-lamina

Neither will we. It's her crap on your land, tell her to get it out of there.