Guys, I need "girl" help :)

[jdechko]

I hate to have to agree with them, but I think your chances just got a lot smaller. There is still some time left and you have a few options but basically they're last resort stuff.

If you really like the girl then you need to really put it out there. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her that you made a mistake the other day... that you don't want to hang out as "just friends" but that you'd really like to take her out on a date.

Be warned though, that this is pretty much an all-or-nothing type thing. If it works, you have a date. If it fails, you've pretty much lost any chance you'll ever have had.

Like pseudobrit said, You need to suck it up, tuck in your pride and put yourself on the line.

 

[MarkCollette]

My advice is not for man sluts though it may work for them too. Man sluts nearly exclusively operate on a physical attraction coefficient. We're not telling him how to do his hair or dress, are we?

That's a bad idea. If she's not in that frame of mind it would freak her out.

Your example was of a man who gets black eyes from asking women to sleep with him. I called that person a man slut. And now you're talking about how he does his hair?

How the hell will some touching freak out a girl, but some dorky admission of infatuation won't?

You know, CoMpX could just solve this debate for us, by trying my approach right now, before valentines. Then, if it pans out, he can bleed his heart on her like you all want. If it doesn't pan out, then I suggest that your approach wouldn't have worked either.

 

[CoMpX]

I wish I could just be bold and tell her, but then if she doesn't feel the same way, they our friendship will never be the same. I guess it just all or nothing - we have a BF/GF relationship OR I lose the great relationship I have with her now.

 

[CoMpX]

I hate to have to agree with them, but I think your chances just got a lot smaller. There is still some time left and you have a few options but basically they're last resort stuff.

If you really like the girl then you need to really put it out there. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her that you made a mistake the other day... that you don't want to hang out as "just friends" but that you'd really like to take her out on a date.

Be warned though, that this is pretty much an all-or-nothing type thing. If it works, you have a date. If it fails, you've pretty much lost any chance you'll ever have had.

Like pseudobrit said, You need to suck it up, tuck in your pride and put yourself on the line.

If she refuses to this, can I still save the friendship?

 

[ToddW]

nope its a gonner, your only 15. nothing really happens in highschool anyway. it is college where the really cool stuff happens. if i were you i would jus go ask some random girl out that you find attractive and forget her. she is at a friend place and your, it seems wanting something more. you can't go the friend route after liking her that way. just ask her and prepare to crash and burn!

 

[CoMpX]

nope its a gonner, your only 15. nothing really happens in highschool anyway. it is college where the really cool stuff happens. if i were you i would jus go ask some random girl out that you find attractive and forget her. she is at a friend place and your, it seems wanting something more. you can't go the friend route after liking her that way. just ask her and prepare to crash and burn!

I have been thinking about it, and I realize that I would rather stick to the friendship we already have rather than trying to make it more. There are other girls.

 

[Chubypig]

I wish I could just be bold and tell her, but then if she doesn't feel the same way, they our friendship will never be the same. I guess it just all or nothing - we have a BF/GF relationship OR I lose the great relationship I have with her now.

I think you should just go for it. I read this quote the other day and it really made me think: "You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Don't hold back. I know it takes guts to tell her, but i think if you like her you should do it.

 

[maestro55]

I have been thinking about it, and I realize that I would rather stick to the friendship we already have rather than trying to make it more. There are other girls.

I think you should have risked it, but then again I am a risk taker.

FWIW, if I had an Apple-lovin' guy interested in me, I'd be all over that, but that's just me.

Sadly, I am not good enough to flirt with KT. I will leave that up to the more superior Apple guys.

 

[aloofman]

Find another girl and start dating her. If she gets jealous and makes a big deal for it the go for the score. Simple thing is to play her. Find some girl that wants to go out with you and go out with her, then just flirt with you friend. Next thing you know the friend will see you with the girlfriend and she will realize what a potential boyfriend you could be and that is your way in.

I know it sounds kind of devious, but chicks do that crap all the time. Sometimes you gotta bit a dog to get the piece of tail!

This is perfect advice if you want to date manipulative, high-maintenance women. The question is whether you want that.

 

[aloofman]

Well then my question would be HAS SHE GIVEN YOU ANY signs that she would be interested in YOU more than a friend?? Trust me, WOMEN ALWAYS give the man at least a hint if they are interested in anything more than a friend or they mention something to one of their friends about you at least. If not, go with your gut feeling....I don't see how it would wreck a friendship this early on and even if she says she doesn't want to be more than friends, then just DON'T ever push the issue and you guys will be back to normal in no time! And if there is a chance, it might just take some time for her to develop the same feelings. Either way, don't make a huge deal out of it now---just stay cool!

JMO!

I agree. What's the hurry?

The only thing I can add is that if you're really keen on a girl/woman and she's available, then make a move. The worst thing you could do is to sit around wondering whether she digs you or not. Not only is it masochistic, it doesn't resolve your question one way or another.

 

[revenuee]

Wait ... are we saying being a man slut is wrong?

 

[velocityg4]

Definately, go for it. From what you have been saying you want more than a friendship with this girl. If this is the case you will be miserable by always thinking about dating her when you hang out. As time goes on and you go your seperate ways, you will be haunted by never taking the risk.

Take it from me if you don't risk the loss of a friendship you will have to live with regret. Regret is a festering wound that can never fully heal. By trying you may fail and will hurt but that pain will quickly fade. On the other hand if you try and succeed then who knows what could happen.

So young man try and be confident in yourself. She is your friend so she already likes you. All you need is to believe in yourself and anything can happen.

Just my two cents

 

[Lau]

This is perfect advice if you want to date manipulative, high-maintenance women. The question is whether you want that.

Absolutely. In my opinion, anyone who responds to such games is the kind of person who is then going to play them throughout the relationship.

 

[falnfenix]

Absolutely. In my opinion, anyone who responds to such games is the kind of person who is then going to play them throughout the relationship.

that's also a situation ripe for cheating, etc.

yay for easily-avoided drama!

 

[atszyman]

Me: hey..i was wondering...
Her: yeh
Me: what ru doing on valentines day? since we're both single..lol...u wanna hang out?
Me: just as like friends?
Her: awww um
Her: lol
Her: sure
Me: lol...ok

This exchange could go either way depending on awkward pauses and body language. If there was an awkward silence before you added the bold statement you probably don't have a chance. If you added the bold statement before she had a chance to get a word in edgewise her hesitation might be due to the fact that she wanted to hang out as more than just friends.

Pay no mind to me though, I was pretty pathetic with the ladies through most of HS and College. I was just starting to learn the games and how to play when I met my wife, the game seems so much easier now that I'm not playing but then again I also yell at the TV during football season thinking I know better than the professionals.

KT - I'd flirt with you if I were about 15 years younger however :
1. I don't want to be known as that "creepy old guy", or actually I'd rather not be seen as creepier than I already am
2. The wife tends to frown upon that

 

[jdechko]

If she refuses to this, can I still save the friendship?

Well, if you are bold and ask her out and she refuses, then probably not. But if you're content with the friendship as you say you are (in a later post) then things will probably work out between the two of you as friends.

BTW, just a (great) little quote:

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'
-Alfred Lord Tennyson

If you think about it hard, and you really feel that way, then there's only one thing to do. Also, someone previously had mentioned that its better to know then to spend a lifetime wondering.

But whatever you choose, everything will work out in the end... just maybe not the way you'd have wanted it to.

There is a third (very small possibility) that you do go out on a date, but realize that you're better off as friends, and you are able to resume your friendship. I went out with a girl (we weren't friends before hand). It didn't work out, but we kept in touch. A few months later, this girl introduced me to my now-wife.

 

[SamIchi]

Well, if you are bold and ask her out and she refuses, then probably not. But if you're content with the friendship as you say you are (in a later post) then things will probably work out between the two of you as friends.

BTW, just a (great) little quote:

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'
-Alfred Lord Tennyson

If you think about it hard, and you really feel that way, then there's only one thing to do. Also, someone previously had mentioned that its better to know then to spend a lifetime wondering.

But whatever you choose, everything will work out in the end... just maybe not the way you'd have wanted it to.

There is a third (very small possibility) that you do go out on a date, but realize that you're better off as friends, and you are able to resume your friendship. I went out with a girl (we weren't friends before hand). It didn't work out, but we kept in touch. A few months later, this girl introduced me to my now-wife.

Fourth possibility, same as your third but the girl deciding that you'd make a good BF, and then your stuck with a girl you don't want to be involved with. "Women, hah, you know, naggity nag nag nag"

 

[Raid]

As a guy who's had some spectacular successes , (and some colossal failures) in the dating department, the best advice I can give to CoMpX is not to treat asking her out as a 'do or die' situation.

CoMpX is already commited to a 'hanging-out' session valentines day so I say sit back and enjoy the time together. If the mood strikes, you should look her in the eye and say something like "You know what, I should have made this a 'date' with you. You're fun to be with." The more nervous and intense you are about it, the more you'll freak her out. The more laid back, pleasant and sincere you are the better the reaction (even if the reaction is negative)!

BTW how long you've known her for? (from what I've read it's not much longer than her relationship with the aforementioned ex-bf) so I'm not so sure you're in the black hole called 'just-friends'.


Oh and Kaite, I would flirt with you too,but I've kind of explained why, and I've been holding back a secret... the fastest Mac I have is 500Mhz!

 

[aloofman]

BTW how long you've known her for? (from what I've read it's not much longer than her relationship with the aforementioned ex-bf) so I'm not so sure you're in the black hole called 'just-friends'.

I nominate the Just Friends Black Hole as a better description than Friend Zone. You can't escape from it, it warps the behavior of those around it, and once inside she never notices you again.

Well done, Raid.

 

[CoMpX]

As a guy who's had some spectacular successes , (and some colossal failures) in the dating department, the best advice I can give to CoMpX is not to treat asking her out as a 'do or die' situation.

CoMpX is already commited to a 'hanging-out' session valentines day so I say sit back and enjoy the time together. If the mood strikes, you should look her in the eye and say something like "You know what, I should have made this a 'date' with you. You're fun to be with." The more nervous and intense you are about it, the more you'll freak her out. The more laid back, pleasant and sincere you are the better the reaction (even if the reaction is negative)!

BTW how long you've known her for? (from what I've read it's not much longer than her relationship with the aforementioned ex-bf) so I'm not so sure you're in the black hole called 'just-friends'.


Oh and Kaite, I would flirt with you too,but I've kind of explained why, and I've been holding back a secret... the fastest Mac I have is 500Mhz!

I have known her since the beginning of the school year in Spetember...pretty long. My plan is to just have that "hang-out" on Valentines Day and see what happens.

 

[Plymouthbreezer]

I dunno about iBooks, but girls (and guys) think PowerBooks are awesome. Since I got it a few weeks ago, a few of the "hotter" girls have commented to me about my oh so lovely TiBook. Corny, but interesting nonetheless. Sadly, most of them probably still wouldn't date me, regardless of how much Apple paraphernalia I own.

As far as girl advice goes, based on personal experience...

...I find that dating a not too close friend is best. You're already comfortable with them, and yet it wouldn't be "weird" if anything happened. Also, try to remember to not take things too seriously at first. If you're a kid in high school, dating shouldn't be the cause for great anguish. If you choose to date in high school, do so for fun - don't look for true love - chances are you won't find it. I think that's they key thing to remember, just take it slow and relax about it. Rejection is never good, but don't let it stop you from asking other people out. Chances are, eventually someone will say yes (haha).

On the "how do I ask out a girl" end, I do agree blatant flirting is the best best. This way, you avoid the awkward "I like you" statement, and get the same meaning across (albeit in a much more sensual way). Anyone will pick up on it, and it's easy to tell if they like it or don't. It definitely works best if you aren't a fan of actually speaking the "I like/have feelings for you" line.

 

[MarkCollette]

Wait ... are we saying being a man slut is wrong?

Please god don't make me tediously explain this...

I'm 25. So, when I've done the sleeping-on-the-first-date thing, that was fine. This guy's waaay younger, so no, him trying to be a man slut is wrong.

I've read your other dating advice posts, and I've 100% agreed with you, but in the other thread you were giving advice to a guy in his 20s.

 

[revenuee]

Please god don't make me tediously explain this...

I'm 25. So, when I've done the sleeping-on-the-first-date thing, that was fine. This guy's waaay younger, so no, him trying to be a man slut is wrong.

I've read your other dating advice posts, and I've 100% agreed with you, but in the other thread you were giving advice to a guy in his 20s.

i wish there was someone like me around when i was younger

my advice is good for anyone .... it gives you a positive outlook on life and you learn not to waste your time.

i've been that guy chasing the friend --- it caused me nothing but problems -- it wasn't until later that i finally figured out why.

the younger you figure it out, the better off you'll be.

 

[MarkCollette]

i wish there was someone like me around when i was younger

my advice is good for anyone .... it gives you a positive outlook on life and you learn not to waste your time.

i've been that guy chasing the friend --- it caused me nothing but problems -- it wasn't until later that i finally figured out why.

the younger you figure it out, the better off you'll be.

Yes, the general principles apply to all ages. A couple years ago I read a book that says the same kind of things you say, and that changed a lot of things for me. I really wish I'd read that years earlier.