Happiness is a cool bum. Americans and Brits need to try (and buy) a bidet

[ActionableMango]

Be glad if you have never tried toilets in Asia

Vietnam is the only country I've been to where on the same trip I've crapped in a porcelain squat hole and crapped in a $4000 toilet with a 20-button remote control.

Who knew a toilet's remote control could need 5x as many features as an Apple Remote?

 

[Huntn]

Be glad if you have never tried toilets in Asia or Turkey....

Vietnam is the only country I've been to where on the same trip I've crapped in a porcelain squat hole and crapped in a $4000 toilet with a 20-button remote control.

Who knew a toilet's remote control could need 5x as many features as an Apple Remote?

I've seen porcelain holes and proper toilets in Asia, but it's been decades. I want to say toilets were the norm in hotels.

 

[0098386]

When we built our house in 96 we had a bidet installed in one of the en suites. For a year I used it frequently - it was lovely! But then I just slowly stopped using it.

It's one of them proper ones that's plumbed into hot and cold water. From what I recall there was some hygiene concern over them. But I still leave it there. It's doing no harm.

 

[Huntn]

When we built our house in 96 we had a bidet installed in one of the en suites. For a year I used it frequently - it was lovely! But then I just slowly stopped using it.

It's one of them proper ones that's plumbed into hot and cold water. From what I recall there was some hygiene concern over them. But I still leave it there. It's doing no harm.

If I was to imagine a hygiene concern it might be not washing the water jet after each use might possibly introduce some fecal matter to your bottom from a previous use? People let their babies swim in them? That may have been a trolling statement.

 

[0098386]

If I was to imagine a hygiene concern it might be not washing the water jet after each use might possibly introduce some fecal matter to your bottom from a previous use? People let their babies swim in them? That may have been a trolling statement.

From what I remember it was something about water running down from the anus and then around the (if you have one) vagina, and that most people using bidets didn't use soap/just let the cooling waters splash all over it. I dunno what the case may be now, you know science and it's updated discoveries etc!

 

[Huntn]

From what I remember it was something about water running down from the anus and then around the (if you have one) vagina, and that most people using bidets didn't use soap/just let the cooling waters splash all over it. I dunno what the case may be now, you know science and it's updated discoveries etc!

Gotta use soap. I imagine the example you cited is a concern that's present for women even with regular hand washing, but I'm no expert on this.

 

[vrDrew]

If I was to imagine a hygiene concern it might be not washing the water jet after each use might possibly introduce some fecal matter to your bottom from a previous use?

That's really not an issue. At least with the bidet attachments that I am talking about.

For one thing, in virtually every unit out there, the actual spray head (ie. the part that shoots the water) is retracted when not in use. There is a spring or other mechanism that keeps it pulled up into a protective sheath. It is only when you press the appropriate button or turn the correct knob that water flows into it, building up pressure to the point that it overcomes the spring, and extends out.

In addition, most bidet attachments have some form of "self-cleaning" function. Prior to the water actually squirting upwards towards you, there is a certain amount of water that flows through the head, but dripping downwards - essentially cleaning the spray nozzle itself.

Lastly, most units have some sort of plastic guard or shield that covers the larger mechanism from explosive type occurrences. You might have to periodically clean this guard off, but the part that squirts you will generally remain protected.

Bottom line (unfortunate pun) - you could theoretically drink the water directly from the spray head of most bidet attachments. It is (in the US) exactly the same water that flows to your bathroom sink faucet.

 

[Huntn]

That's really not an issue. At least with the bidet attachments that I am talking about.

For one thing, in virtually every unit out there, the actual spray head (ie. the part that shoots the water) is retracted when not in use. There is a spring or other mechanism that keeps it pulled up into a protective sheath. It is only when you press the appropriate button or turn the correct knob that water flows into it, building up pressure to the point that it overcomes the spring, and extends out.

In addition, most bidet attachments have some form of "self-cleaning" function. Prior to the water actually squirting upwards towards you, there is a certain amount of water that flows through the head, but dripping downwards - essentially cleaning the spray nozzle itself.

Lastly, most units have some sort of plastic guard or shield that covers the larger mechanism from explosive type occurrences. You might have to periodically clean this guard off, but the part that squirts you will generally remain protected.

Bottom line (unfortunate pun) - you could theoretically drink the water directly from the spray head of most bidet attachments. It is (in the US) exactly the same water that flows to your bathroom sink faucet.

I would assume so. What other water source is there in your house? If questions, it would the environment in which it is accessed.

 

[noisycats]

My only concern is that bidet is too 'French-sounding'.

I prefer A** Blaster.

 

[vrDrew]

My only concern is that bidet is too 'French-sounding'.

I prefer A** Blaster.

You do have something of a point. Bidet (which technically derives from a word for a small horse) has a connotation that is simultaneously French, foreign, and feminine.

But I would say this, from a purely technical, anatomical, hygienic, and sociological standpoint: Men need the bidet attachment more than their female housemates.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Vietnam is the only country I've been to where on the same trip I've crapped in a porcelain squat hole and crapped in a $4000 toilet with a 20-button remote control.

Who knew a toilet's remote control could need 5x as many features as an Apple Remote?

Indeed.

As it happens, I had that exact same experience - with the latter - last year in a most impressive hotel in Moscow. To my stupefaction, the controls were far more complex than the complicated ones on the damned air conditioning - an elaborate arrangement that I never quite mastered.

A good friend who had checked in with me had texted me from his room inviting me to inspect the bathroom from where he texted an awestruck description. Reading my stunned response, he reassured me that "it works in the normal way, as well."

These things should come with a manual.

 

[Roller]

Vietnam is the only country I've been to where on the same trip I've crapped in a porcelain squat hole and crapped in a $4000 toilet with a 20-button remote control.

Who knew a toilet's remote control could need 5x as many features as an Apple Remote?

You mean it didn't have Siri (or Crappi) for voice commands?

 

[vrDrew]

These things should come with a manual.

There is a movement (another unfortunate choice of words) towards standardization of the icons on the control panels of the more high-tech devices.

I think most of us can work out what these mean. At least I hope we can.

Edit: I don't know what to make of this, however:

some Inax toilets will apparently play the first few phrases of Op. 62 Nr. 6 Frühlingslied by Felix Mendelssohn.

At what point in the operation does the music start? When one first alights up the apparatus? At a point strategically designed to cover or disguise potentially embarrassing bodily sounds? When one is ready to commence cleaning functions?

I applaud the Japanese for wisely choosing music that is safely out of copyright, and from a composer who is unlikely to raise objections to the use of his work in such a setting. Personally, I'd have chosen The Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started", but that was never going to happen.

Lose control, of body and soul
Don't move too fast, people, just take it slow
Don't get ahead, just jump into it

Indeed.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

There is a movement (another unfortunate choice of words) towards standardization of the icons on the control panels of the more high-tech devices.

I think most of us can work out what these mean. At least I hope we can.

Edit: I don't know what to make of this, however:

At what point in the operation does the music start? When one first alights up the apparatus? At a point strategically designed to cover or disguise potentially embarrassing bodily sounds? When one is ready to commence cleaning functions?

I applaud the Japanese for wisely choosing music that is safely out of copyright, and from a composer who is unlikely to raise objections to the use of his work in such a setting. Personally, I'd have chosen The Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started", but that was never going to happen.

Indeed.

Actual, I can't.

I don't know - and cannot work out - what most of those symbols mean.

Besides, I don't do well with visual instructions - many of them are very poorly designed - I prefer detailed written instructions.

Words, or an actual demonstrations of how something functions in front of my eyes works far better for me.

A manual, - or, when really stuck - the internet.

 

[vrDrew]

Actual, I can't.

I don't know - and cannot work out - what most of those symbols mean.

From left to right: Raise lid, close lid, big flush, little flush, rear wash, female wash, dry, and stop.

I do sympathize with you. I have long puzzled over the symbols I find on kitchen and laundry appliances I encounter in Europe. And apparently I'm not the only person to do so.

Rather than words such as bake, broil, clean, European ovens almost always mark their controls with a library of comically obtuse Euroglyphics. Some of these symbols indicate whether the oven's heat comes from below or above and are relatively easy for a chump from the colonies to guess. Others are harder to fathom: the P with swirls around it, the P with somewhat larger swirls, the swirls inside a circle between two horizontal lines, the snowflake (odd for a device that we generally expect to heat its contents), and the weeping asterisk.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

From left to right: Raise lid, close lid, big flush, little flush, rear wash, female wash, dry, and stop.

I do sympathize with you. I have long puzzled over the symbols I find on kitchen and laundry appliances I encounter in Europe. And apparently I'm not the only person to do so.

Wow.

My grateful thanks.

Now, I can memorise this set of icons, and not have to debate ensuring how not to embarrass myself by seeking clarification of relevant instructions when some international outfit puts me up in such opulent surroundings in the future.

Of that list of images, the first two, I will admit I did understand, but, the rest - well, the rest of them left me utterly bewildered.

Re ovens in Europe, they usually come with detailed manuals; these I read - utterly absorbed and with complete attention - before even turning on the oven for the first time (and frequently need to consult them more than once, subsequently, just to confirm that certain symbols mean what I had thought they may have meant).

 

[noisycats]

But I would say this, from a purely technical, anatomical, hygienic, and sociological standpoint: Men need the bidet attachment more than their female housemates.

Concur. We do take some ******* nasty *** *****.

 

[mobilehaathi]

But I would say this, from a purely technical, anatomical, hygienic, and sociological standpoint: Men need the bidet attachment more than their female housemates

Could you explain? I don't follow.

 

[vrDrew]

Could you explain? I don't follow.

Men tend to have more body hair than their female counterparts.

 

[mobilehaathi]

Men tend to have more body hair than their female counterparts.

Well, I suppose then depends on how much one gets their ******* waxed.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Could you explain? I don't follow.

I didn't follow, either, when I read @vrDrew's post, but decided that there was a limit to the number of posts on this thread where I could plausibly claim complete ignorance. So, thank you for your post.

This thread has been a revelation, - a fascinating voyage of discovery. I never realised such things could be so complicated. And I have worked in countries where the provision of safe, clean, reliable, running water is considered a marvel to wonder at.

Worse, I have worked in countries where houses in villages had two satellite dishes, - but no running water.

 

[6foot5foot]

Don't most of the cool bums live on the streets of LA?

 

[BarracksSi]

I'm biding (heh) my time until owning a bidet by using the wand attachment in my shower.

I'll also vouch for having more hair around my butt than my wife does, so cleaning well enough takes some effort. I don't like cigarette stains in my underwear. Besides, it gets itchy.

The first time (and so far only time) I've used one of these washlets was in a Korean-owned hair salon where my wife was getting a haircut. I needed to use the bathroom, so I went in, saw the controls, sat down, and happily used the sprayer when it was time. FANTASTIC.

For whatever reason, my wife thinks they're a waste. I'm lobbying for installing one or two simple models when we buy a house later this year.

(IDGAF about TMI when we're already talking about ways to clean our butts... we ALL have one anyway, right?)

 

[ThisBougieLife]

Part of me wants to run away from this thread as fast as I can...

At the same time I'll say: I tried a "washlet" at a Japanese-themed hotel in Torrance. It was...interesting. Also, in the absence of washlets and bidets, wet wipes are your friend.

TBL out.

 

[vrDrew]

Also, in the absence of washlets and bidets, wet wipes are your friend.

They certainly can be. The problem is disposing of them. They can play havoc with your plumbing, they cause big problems for municipal sewerage systems, and they are an absolute disaster for septic systems. Alternately, you can place them in a waste basket - but that can result in an unpleasant, unsightly, and malodorous situation all on its own.

There are a number of quite innovative portable solutions for people concerned about keeping fresh while away from home. Such as the Toto Travel Washlet. This item is quite discrete (I'd have no problem taking it through airport security); is very portable, and has the added benefit of being able to be filled with warm water. A battery-powered pump gives it the pressure needed to take care of business. The only trick, I would imagine, is perfecting your aiming technique.

$85 on Amazon.com. Although apparently they are cheaper if you buy the one with Japanese-only instructions.