What an amusing litany of imaginary complaints.
"...and, like what about if I'm wearing a motorcycle helmet with a scarf over my face, in a blizzard, at midnight, and I need to quickly unlock my phone? What then, Stupid Apple®?"
"...and, like what about if I'm wearing a motorcycle helmet with a scarf over my face, in a blizzard, at midnight, and I need to quickly unlock my phone? What then, Stupid Apple®?"