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How can a guy who's not particularly handsome, feel confident?

X

XciteMe

macrumors 6502
Original poster
May 21, 2009
450
1
Santa Monica, CA
My friend Ash is a awesome guy, God bless him, but one thing he wasn't blessed with was looks.

He is perpetually single, PERPETUALLY. I mean literally, I think he's been with about 3 chicks in his life so far (he's 25).

What tips/advice can I give my bud? I hate to take him to a bar with the fellas and he's the only one who can't strike up a convo. Just sits back swigging beers watching us all score late night boink mates.

What to do?
 
Swagger by Old Spice.

That's it, I kid you not. Chicks love that stuff. :cool:

"Swagger transforms unfresh men into legends of confidence"

I don't think I need to post links to any of the awesome commercials for more proof. ;)
 
Tell your friend that confidence is all that matters. Tell your friend to be himself, don't worry so much about it, and everything will fall into place on its own.
 
^^^haha snap dmr727 :)^^^

XciteMe said:
My friend Ash is a awesome guy, God bless him, but one thing he wasn't blessed with was looks.

He is perpetually single, PERPETUALLY. I mean literally, I think he's been with about 3 chicks in his life so far (he's 25).

What tips/advice can I give my bud? I hate to take him to a bar with the fellas and he's the only one who can't strike up a convo. Just sits back swigging beers watching us all score late night boink mates.

What to do?
Click to expand...
First you need to stop pretending you're not after advice for yourself. If you can't do it here anonymously then you'll never be able to in the real world. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
 
sounds to me like he needs a bit more confidence. looks (after first contact anyways), are less important than looks.

not saying we dont have that ,ooh hes a hottie moment but i think its easier for us as men will pretty much hit on any girl in a bar.

if he gets a bit more confidence to go and talk to girls then he will do better i am sure.

just the opinion of the least qualified single girl here (but one that gets to observe the male hunting technique every night in her taxi) ;)
 
XciteMe said:
Just sits back swigging beers watching us all score late night boink mates.
Click to expand...

Perhaps I am in the minority, but I am not convinced that routinely scoring a late night boink mate is a such a lofty goal to achieve in life

Perhaps your friend has more confidence in who he is and what he wants from life that he is content to let you pursue your dreams while he pursues his
 
"3 chicks by the age of 24"... that's more than what I had. Then we broke up and I did my best to catch up with society. :)

I would just tell your friend that most women don't care about the looks as long as you are filthy-rich.
 
I have two friends like this, though a bit younger (22). I think at this age it's more of a 'learned helplessness' situation than anything else. The biggest part of confidence is experience—if you know from experience that you can succeed at something you'll be confident in doing it.

Someone who is 25 and has had limited interaction with women is not likely to be confident, most likely because of a lack of experience or repeated negative experiences.

IMO, your best bet if you really want to help your friend would be to change the setting a bit in his favor. Rather than talking to one girl, start talking to a group of girls. Include your friend in the conversation, as a friend but without the "this is my buddy Mike and I'm trying to get him laid" attitude. Some people are better at putting themselves out there than others, but can succeed if you give them a helping hand.

Some cases might be hopeless, however. For some reason throughout college I always had roommates who were good guys and friends but who were worthless at getting girls. We'd all go out together and I'd wind up with a girl I knew I couldn't bring back, because my roommate would be home alone, drunkenly asleep, watching TV or playing video games. :rolleyes:
 
interesting how you assume he has a "problem" and you've taken it upon yourself to "fix" him. have you talked to him at all about this..?
 
Sometimes nothing helps but to have that elusive fill of confidence. Over the years, I've tried all the cool things that guys do to get the attention of ladies...Play guitar, sports car, work in a club, dress the part, try not to be too interested, own a horse, fly a plane... at half a century all I found out is that there is no reason why the garbage man, or whoever, always winds up with the "chicks", and the not so attractive geek with all the toys, simply has a nice toy collection. Do what the other guys do and fake it.
BUT, if your friend is not comfortable posting his conquests and parading naked in front of his peers, you may have mis-stepped your bounds mate...
Has he ever mentioned an interest in a certain someone? Lead the horse to water, but don't watch to see if he swims.
Actually, I am wondering, Can a guy who is not particularly confident feel handsome?
 
It's not his looks.

It's something, but almost certainly not his looks.
Is it confidence? Maybe.
It could also be many other things like coming off as a Loser or appearing to not being interested in women.

But unless he's hideously deformed and not human or male in appearance, it's not his looks. Sorry. Whatever it is, it's not as simple as looks.

Knowing too much about being judged by looks, :(
Keri
 
You assume he needs help because he doesn't act the same as you at bars? Did you ask him whether he even wants to go around and try to hook up with randoms? If he doesn't, then perhaps he doesn't need help.
 
XciteMe said:
My friend Ash is a awesome guy, God bless him, but one thing he wasn't blessed with was looks.

He is perpetually single, PERPETUALLY. I mean literally, I think he's been with about 3 chicks in his life so far (he's 25).

What tips/advice can I give my bud? I hate to take him to a bar with the fellas and he's the only one who can't strike up a convo. Just sits back swigging beers watching us all score late night boink mates.

What to do?
Click to expand...

Learn game.
 
Reminds me when I was single and out on the pull. I didn't have the confidence to approach women but my best friend did. He would initiate the conversation and I would relax after that and then spend the evening being charming and entertaining whilst he sat back only for the girls to end up going home with him because he was good looking and I wasn't. Bloody time and time again this would happen. My advice is to tell your buddy to get an uglier confident friend, it seemed to work for mine ;)
 
^ Haha! Who are you kiddin? You're beautiful MacRy!

Oh I'm so sorry but this is just too funny! Hahahahaha :D
I'm butt ugly, does that help?

No I'm not. ...Really. I'm not. :( Stop looking at me! :mad:
 
Like others have said, hopefully it is something he actually wants.

Anyway, it really all does come down to confidence, which can be a bit unfortunate. Throughout high school, college, and many years after, I was the "nice guy". I was the guy who would do anything for the girls I knew or worked with, always thinking that would show them what a great guy I was and lead to something. It never worked. Not once. Ever. I sat back and watched a lot of acquaintances being pretty jerky and scoring left and right, and I always went home alone.

Then I met my first girlfriend over the internet (yup) at age 25. She was a firecracker and showed me a lot of things. I quickly became a much more confident individual...to the point that it broke us up, and I haven't been single since. When she dumped me a year and a half later, I met someone at a bar the following night and "dated" her for nearly a year. Then I met the girl who is now my wife on another crazy night out.

I'm sure that if I had ANY of the confidence I have now, my life before would have been completely different. Then, I could barely even talk to my own friends. I now have no problem at all talking to pretty much anyone, girls included. But I'm still not cocky at all...I just know that I can talk.

It really is all about the confidence. And, as I said before...that kind of sucks. Confidence is almost always something gained by experience, so it can be hard to pick up on your own. And if someone doesn't have it, or the road map to get there...it can be nearly impossible. Hell...it took me almost 30 years!
 
Since I am in my 30s, I noticed that self-confidence is much more important than handsomeness. You need to work on your leadership and personality because that seduces people much more.
 
MacDawg said:
Perhaps I am in the minority, but I am not convinced that routinely scoring a late night boink mate is a such a lofty goal to achieve in life

Perhaps your friend has more confidence in who he is and what he wants from life that he is content to let you pursue your dreams while he pursues his
Click to expand...

^this

Not everyone is naturally extroverted nor should they be excessively encouraged to be if it's just not in their nature.

Shockingly a fair number of girls go for quieter guys, just not the kind that will typically go out to a bar to get laid.
 
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