I'm back...with good news!
Everyone, apologies for the long delay. I did not want to reply until I had an update, good or bad. Honestly, everyday when I was looking at this thread, I was just becoming stressed out, so I took a little leave away from the forum, no offense! Everyone has been great with your advice and suggestions.
I was going back and forth with the scammer through eBay's case resolution thingy, and let me say I was just throwing down some really harsh (but civil) words. It basically came down to my tone being something like, "Send the iPad back to me immediately, I am ready for it, bring it on!" I was ready to video-document my entire process from the UPS delivery down to me going to the Apple Store and having them open it.
I. WAS. READY.
Although I didn't tell the scammer these details, but I let him know I am ready to fight, no matter what. This became more than money to me at this point, it was principal.
One of the last things he said to me was something along the lines of "...please work with me or I will send it back and then you can resell it." If the iPad was legitimately broken, wouldn't any normal person say "you sent me junk, give me a refund...NOW!" Why does he care what I do? Maybe he wants to console me so that I can sell his broken iPad for parts.
Anyways, a few days after that, eBay closed the case. Didn't even say why or for what reasons. It was just closed. So I wanted to wait out the 45 days. Here we are on day 55, and I haven't heard anything from eBay or the buyer. I transferred the money from my PayPal to my girlfriend's account and we are all really happy.
Moving forward, I still give eBay a huge middle finger for even allowing something this obvious to happen. I've sold some books on there since then but I don't think we're going to be selling anymore electronics, especially Apple products - they hold such high value, it attracts the scum of the internet.
Lastly, the fact that I won this by that scum cowering and skittering away proves that he is a true scammer. eBay needs to recognize that and take a long, hard look at their policies.
I want to thank everyone again for all your helpful and KIND words! It was very much appreciated and I'm glad this is over.