Is It Really So Wrong That I Don't Let Other People Use My Electronics?

[bunnspecial]

I'm very particular about my main laptop, work desktop, and my phone. I don't really care about people mishandling them(I'm careful but my stuff picks up its fair share of dings just through actually USING it and not treating it like it's made of glass) but am more concerned about the information on it. In particular, all of these devices have access to my work email and have information that's covered under FERPA and I have to be really particular about who sees this information.

If someone's at my home, there's a computer(or two or three) that they can help themselves to if they want to look whatever up. I have an iMac and a Cube sitting in the living room in my apartment, and my parents have an HP all-in-one sitting in the family room. Even so, these all have a password protected "guest" account and there's no using them without asking permission. Unfortunately, the password protecting was precipitated several years ago by an aunt who was visiting for a couple of days and ended up printing about 500 pages of emails.

A couple of years ago, we were having a birthday party for my grandfather and I see a guest(the husband of my grandfathers much-younger half sister) walking around with my open laptop(which I'd put away where I thought was out of sight) asking everyone what the password was to it. He wanted to check a ballgame score. I didn't claim ownership of it, but rather directed him to the desktop in the family room...unfortunately that incident for me was classed as "crossing the line" with tech, and he hunted out my laptop because he knew I was a Mac user and didn't want to use the Windows computers.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I'm very particular about my main laptop, work desktop, and my phone. I don't really care about people mishandling them(I'm careful but my stuff picks up its fair share of dings just through actually USING it and not treating it like it's made of glass) but am more concerned about the information on it. In particular, all of these devices have access to my work email and have information that's covered under FERPA and I have to be really particular about who sees this information.

If someone's at my home, there's a computer(or two or three) that they can help themselves to if they want to look whatever up. I have an iMac and a Cube sitting in the living room in my apartment, and my parents have an HP all-in-one sitting in the family room. Even so, these all have a password protected "guest" account and there's no using them without asking permission. Unfortunately, the password protecting was precipitated several years ago by an aunt who was visiting for a couple of days and ended up printing about 500 pages of emails.

A couple of years ago, we were having a birthday party for my grandfather and I see a guest(the husband of my grandfathers much-younger half sister) walking around with my open laptop(which I'd put away where I thought was out of sight) asking everyone what the password was to it. He wanted to check a ballgame score. I didn't claim ownership of it, but rather directed him to the desktop in the family room...unfortunately that incident for me was classed as "crossing the line" with tech, and he hunted out my laptop because he knew I was a Mac user and didn't want to use the Windows computers.

It seems to me that one of the issues is that etiquette and manners, and evolution of norms of behaviour - and what are considered appropriate boundaries to be defined - have not kept pace with technological changes.

In other words, we haven't yet evolved how to behave - collectively - around devices, either our own (that for example, it is bad manners to use them in company), or those of others (have they - or ought they - a right to your devices, or, if so, under what conditions?).

In general, if I am visiting someplace, these days, I tend to bring my own laptop, - so the only issue that arises is access to their wifi.

However, when staying with my brother, he allows me to use his, if I haven't brought mine. The reverse is also true, I have no issue with either of my brothers using my laptop, when they visit my mother's house, if neither have brought their own, but the laptop itself stays in my office.

 

[ProjectManager101]

I only give equipment away telling very clearly: NOT A SINGLE SCRATCH. And to people who can give me a new one in a matter of HOURS if they damaged them. Period. That is call DISCIPLINE.

 

[A.Goldberg]

Re OCD, - and girlfriends - and devices - I do feel impelled to pose the question whether the OP feels he may have 'ownership' issues in his relationships, too? If so, this is a huge red flag, and I'd advise any female to in such a relationship to exit, stage left, very, very, very fast.

Absolutely. You know that old saying 'how you do one thing is how you do everything'. Not entirely true, but often enough it is. It's certainly a valid point of concern.

 

[impulse462]

I used to be like this when i was 14 and 15. Then I realized that these things are replaced easily every 3 years but trying to convince your friends (if they're still your friends at this point) that you don't have a stick up your ass will take much longer.

 

[Renzatic]

I have no problem letting my friends or family use my stuff. The way you make it sound OP, is that your possessions are more important than the people in your life.

I think my biggest problem is that most of my friends are dumb. This is why I won't loan anything out to them.

Want a good example? I once let one of my dumb friends borrow a Windows CD. Now I'm not one of those overly anal retentive people who goes down a list of dos and don'ts whenever I loan out my stuff, but I did say "put it back in the sleeve when you're done. I don't want it to get scratched." Pretty easy instructions to follow, right?

When I went to get it back a few days later, I found it lying face up on their coffee table, and the opposite side, which is, you know, the important side, looked like someone tried embossing their name into it using a left-handed screwdriver. It was unusable.

And then there was the time I let my cousin borrow my nice $900 DSLR to take wedding pictures with. They ended up dropping it down a flight of stairs. It came back to me in a bag.

So no, I don't let people borrow my stuff. I like my stuff. It's expensive stuff. And it tends to work a lot longer when I keep it to myself.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I think my biggest problem is that most of my friends are dumb. This is why I won't loan anything out to them.

Want a good example? I once let one of my dumb friends borrow a Windows CD. Now I'm not one of those overly anal retentive people who goes down a list of dos and don'ts whenever I loan out my stuff, but I did say "put it back in the sleeve when you're done. I don't want it to get scratched." Pretty easy instructions to follow, right?

When I went to get it back a few days later, I found it lying face up on their coffee table, and the opposite side, which is, you know, the important side, looked like someone tried embossing their name into it using a left-handed screwdriver. It was unusable.

And then there was the time I let my cousin borrow my nice $900 DSLR to take wedding pictures with. They ended up dropping it down a flight of stairs. It came back to me in a bag.

So no, I don't let people borrow my stuff. I like my stuff. It's expensive stuff. And it tends to work a lot longer when I keep it to myself.

Well, firstly, I think that there is a difference between being excessively perfectionist when your stuff is under your control, and in your house, and allowing people to use it under controlled conditions, (which I don't have a major issue with) and lending it out, especially to people who don't sufficiently respect you or your belongings..

And yes, I also wonder whether it is an age thing, that kids born and brought up during the boom years do not have a sufficiently high regard for the belongings of others as a great many things have come so easily for themselves. Consequently, they may not place as much value on it, as you do.

Now, I have loaned out things: Last year, I gave a friend my Leica M6 and its Summilux lenses for the best part of ten days; he was a passionate photographer, and a guy who had worked in the excellent photographic shop (since shut, alas) and handling and using a Leica for a while would have been something akin to a dream for him. I knew he'd treasure it, and get a real thrill from taking pictures with it; and yes, the camera was returned to me in flawless condition.

Currently, my handmade Swedish (reindeer hide) rucksack is with my brother in Lisbon; this is his first foreign holiday - ever - (unlike me he is not a traveller) and I gave it to him to use as hand luggage - it is both sturdy and soft - and can be used as an easy holdall when walking around a city. I missed it on saturday (bottles of beer sometimes get stashed into it, and it plays host to cameras as well), but he'll get more out of it for the coming week.

Now, I'll be honest: I would have have a considerable misgiving (possibly informed by prejudice) in giving something of value of mine to a youngster, - I doubt they'd appreciate it - but, to a mature adult who is a close friend, or a sibling to whom I am close, no, such difficulties would arise.

 

[Renzatic]

Snip

I'll say this. If it were a Leica, I wouldn't have just went on a tirade. We would've been mourning a death in the family.

See, I can understand that accidents happen, and if you're willing to correct your own mistakes, I can take it in strides. It's when people are flippant about their own stupidity that I get driven to madness.

Like the camera? Okay, maybe she thought the strap were merely decorative. And she has small hands. I could see her dropping it by accident. If she repaid me, I only would've been temporarily irked.

But when you hand me a bag of broken camera, then laugh in my face and retort with a "I'm not spending that much on a stupid camera" when you BEGGED me to borrow said stupid camera. When you get the whole family involved because I aimed my psychotic break at you after saying that. And then, when you buy me an $80 point 'n shoot from Wal-Mart and say "now we're even".

...yeah.

Wow. I guess that wound never quite healed. But anyway, yeah, I'm pretty reticent about people borrowing my things.

 

[MICHAELSD]

Re OCD, - and girlfriends - and devices - I do feel impelled to pose the question whether the OP feels he may have 'ownership' issues in his relationships, too? If so, this is a huge red flag, and I'd advise any female to in such a relationship to exit, stage left, very, very, very fast.

The premise of this thread has minimal relevance to ownership issues in my opinion, it is more so an aesthetic issue than a need to assert dominance over my own property. Consequently, my personal OCD stems from a desire if not a need to keep my property as close to looking new as possible even if that involves such rituals as washing my hands (thoroughly, to my chagrin as that implies genuine OCD) prior to using my MacBook Pro (and also not touching practically anything else in between).

That has no correlation to ownership over a person.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I'll say this. If it were a Leica, I wouldn't have just went on a tirade. We would've been mourning a death in the family.

See, I can understand that accidents happen, and if you're willing to correct your own mistakes, I can take it in strides. It's when people are flippant about their own stupidity that I get driven to madness.

Like the camera? Okay, maybe she thought the strap were merely decorative. And she has small hands. I could see her dropping it by accident. If she repaid me, I only would've been temporarily irked.

But when you hand me a bag of broken camera, then laugh in my face and retort with a "I'm not spending that much on a stupid camera" when you BEGGED me to borrow said stupid camera. When you get the whole family involved because I aimed my psychotic break at you after saying that. And then, when you buy me an $80 point 'n shoot from Wal-Mart and say "now we're even".

...yeah.

Wow. I guess that wound never quite healed. But anyway, yeah, I'm pretty reticent about people borrowing my things.

Agreed. Flippant, unapologetic, and unwilling to own their mistakes. Such people tend to stroll lightly through life, seeing other people, and other people's possessions, as theirs to be used and discarded as needed.

Well, my Leica was given to someone whom I knew would cherish it and relish the opportunity to use it - and why not? He got to live a dream for a week or so, and I was happy to be able to facilitate this.

I have small hands. That is one of the reasons I use a Leica, not a DSLR monster. However, I respect myself, and I respect others. And yes, boundaries, while sometimes negotiable, need to be acknowledged and respected.

However, I insist on wearing the camera around my neck; if anyone else takes a shot with it - as, on the rare occasions I am in the shot, rather than taking it - the camera is placed around their neck first, and then they are instructed abut things such as focusing.

Nevertheless, if someone broke something valued and valuable of mine, was unrepentant and laughed about it, well, they would not remain a friend; mind you, such an attitude suggests that they didn't respect you or yours in the first place. To be honest, I doubt that small hands are the issue here; rather, an attitude and an expectation of entitlement seem to be more the problem, along with an unwillingness to own mistakes.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

The premise of this thread has minimal relevance to ownership issues in my opinion, it is more so an aesthetic issue than a need to assert dominance over my own property. Consequently, my personal OCD stems from a desire if not a need to keep my property as close to looking new as possible even if that involves such rituals as washing my hands (thoroughly, to my chagrin as that implies genuine OCD) prior to using my MacBook Pro (and also not touching practically anything else in between).

That has no correlation to ownership over a person.

Well, then, you may have an issue, to be honest, although I am not qualified to adjudicate on that.

One way of dealing with it is to stipulate certain rooms - where your devices and computer equipment are kept - as rooms that are out of bounds. Oddly, it is easier to set physical boundaries, than to deny others access to your devices. Mind you, these days, most people have their own tablets or iPhones, so the need to borrow yours should be somewhat less pressing.

I don't encourage visitors into my study; that is where I like privacy and where I keep my computers. Visitors don't get to see my study, and my computer doesn't roam around the kitchen or the living room.

 

[Renzatic]

Nevertheless, if someone broke something valued and valuable of mine, was unrepentant and laughed about it, would not remain a friend; mind you, such an attitude suggests that they didn't respect you or yours in the first place. To be honest, I doubt that small hands are the issue here; rather, an attitude and an expectation of entitlement seem to be more the problem, along with an unwillingness to own mistakes.

That sums up my extended family uncomfortably well. My cousins especially. The only thing we're unanimous about is our general dislike of each other.

But they're family, you know. You can't kill them. It'd make our Thanksgiving get-togethers even more awkward.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

That sums up my extended family uncomfortably well. My cousins especially. The only thing we're unanimous about is our general dislike of each other.

But they're family, you know. You can't kill them. It'd make our Thanksgiving get-togethers even more awkward.

Hm.

Boundaries at family get togethers are another thing - and some do need to be set.

However, my experience with such individuals (and yes, I have one or two such cousins myself) is that while they tend to be somewhat cavalier about the belongings of others - having a very porous sense of blurred boundaries where you and your possessions and time are concerned, such individuals are a lot less than generous when it comes to sharing anything - good will, compliments, possessions, advice, support, time - of theirs.

 

[chown33]

...
Wow. I guess that wound never quite healed. But anyway, yeah, I'm pretty reticent about people borrowing my things.

Perspective:
You could have been born a reindeer.

Up side:
You could now be in Lisbon with Scepticalscribe's brother.

Down side:
Who wants to be a rucksack?

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Perspective:
You could have been born a reindeer.

Up side:
You could now be in Lisbon with Scepticalscribe's brother.

Down side:
Who wants to be a rucksack?

Brilliant! That is wonderful, a fusion of sane philosophy, with a balanced perspective on our place in the world. Bravo.

Nevertheless, that reindeer rucksack has travelled to some far more….interesting places than lovely Lisbon.

 

[Renzatic]

However, my experience with such individuals (and yes, I have one or two such cousins myself) is that while they tend to be somewhat cavalier about the belongings of others - having a very porous sense of blurred boundaries where you and your possessions and time are concerned, such individuals are a lot less than generous when it comes to sharing anything - good will, compliments, possessions, advice, support, time - of theirs.

And even worse, when they do deign to spare some generosity your way, they expect to be praised for it, and will hold their one act of good will over your head for years on end.

Those who view acts of kindness an inconvenient debts to be repaid are among the worst people on the face of the earth.

 

[Renzatic]

Down side:
Who wants to be a rucksack?

I hope it wasn't made out of Rudolph?

 

[Scepticalscribe]

And even worse, when they do deign to spare some generosity your way, they expect to be praised for it, and will hold their one act of good will over your head for years on end.

Those who view acts of kindness an inconvenient debts to be repaid are among the worst people on the face of the earth.

Yep. That describes the particular cousin I had in mind when writing my earlier post, pretty well, I must say.

The only good thing to be said for such people is that when true difficulties arise, they blessedly vanish in a puff of smoke.

I hope it wasn't made out of Rudolph?

I never asked.

The woman I bought it from (in a small shop on an obscure street in Gamla Stan, the Old Town of Stockholm) produced the man who had actually made it by hand - in what Swedish friends assured me is an old Arctic style. This was her husband.

To be honest, I was more concerned (given the rather stratospheric price) about longevity, as my previous canvas rucksack, which had been manufactured by an over-priced well known brand, had ripped, after a few short, misbegotten years, having lasted for well under a decade.

Thus, I asked, politely, how long the reindeer hide rucksack would be likely to last. "Longer than you," was the unsmiling reply, with the addition of a qualifier "Probably around a hundred years".

 

[MICHAELSD]

Well, then, you may have an issue, to be honest, although I am not qualified to adjudicate on that.

One way of dealing with it is to stipulate certain rooms - where your devices and computer equipment are kept - as rooms that are out of bounds. Oddly, it is easier to set physical boundaries, than to deny others access to your devices. Mind you, these days, most people have their own tablets or iPhones, so the need to borrow yours should be somewhat less pressing.

I don't encourage visitors into my study; that is where I like privacy and where I keep my computers. Visitors don't get to see my study, and my computer doesn't roam around the kitchen or the living room.

That is exactly what I was considering for when I have own place -- keeping my MacBook Pro and items I care most about in their own mostly private room. Although to not be a complete inconvenience to somebody who's over that needs access to a computer for some reason I would like to have some type of guest tablet or laptop. Hopefully showing the consideration to purchase a guest device is enough for the particular situation to not be viewed in a negative light by guests.

 

[dogslobber]

From a young age we are taught the importance of sharing. But even as a kid I realized how sharing mostly led to issues. Let someone borrow your iPad; they don't treat it with the same care as you and it's returned with oil all over it and a light scratch or two after ten minutes. Thus, we reach the main reason why I feel not sharing is almost justified: most of the time your expensive gadgets aren't returned in the same condition. If you're lucky it's just dirt marring your electronics, but in my experience it can be more permanent... and this is solely after letting somebody use an iPad or MacBook for a few minutes in your own home. Would expect a lot of issues if I ever let someone take either for a night or

You quickly learn who you can trust with stuff. Let somebody borrow your calculator in high school but fail to return it. They don't like it when you tell them to take a hike.

Letting somebody borrow an iPad for more than a few minutes is a no go as it's a personal device.

 

[Micky Do]

Good grief… it amazes me that some folks are so precious about their stuff, and keeping it undefiled and pristine.

But then over in the thread where people post photos of the Mac set-ups past and present, just about all pictures are of computers, accessories and gadgets laid out just so, looking like they are barely used, fresh out to the box. It seems there could be a lot of it about.

In my own experience, most electronic gear and other things are used by a number of people.

 

[dogslobber]

Good grief… it amazes me that some folks are so precious about their stuff, and keeping it undefiled and pristine.

Macs, iPhones, Microsoft Surface, etc, are all personal items though. There's stuff on them that shouldn't be privy to others. You are probably fine letting somebody borrow your early-2k digital camera but you'd format the memory stick first. So I think in one part it's personal/privacy and in the other part it's can you trust the recipient of your Kylie Minogue CD? In the latter, if they return Kylie scratched or defaced then you'd tell 'em to take a hike. That one is a trust issue.

 

[Ulenspiegel]

Actually I don't deal with it, as it is kind of a "rule". No explanation is given to anyone. Don't forget how many "unwritten rules" are forced on us by girlfriends, wives. It should work both ways. And it does.

 

[bunnspecial]

But then over in the thread where people post photos of the Mac set-ups past and present, just about all pictures are of computers, accessories and gadgets laid out just so, looking like they are barely used, fresh out to the box. It seems there could be a lot of it about.

When I take a photo of a Mac set-up, I generally do my best to tidy it up as best as possible before taking the photo. Since I collect Macs, many times the photos of "collectible" machines do reflect their normal state. For my working machines, though, a photo of a set-up often DOES NOT reflect what it looks like when I'm actually doing work(which is most of the time).

Of course, part of that again goes back to a privacy issue as my desk is often scattered with bits of proprietary information-student grades/papers, "working copies" of exams I'm editing, research notes, and analyses for teaching labs(for labs where students are graded on correctness). Those generally stay put away when not under active use, but none the less at any given point during the day I could have any number of those things out. I CAN'T post a photo of it.

And, once again, much of that same stuff is on my computer-in fact for someone using it the same stuff is there but in full form-not what you'd see from glancing at a stack of papers. Again, that's why I'm very particular about letting someone else use my personal computers. With a lot of this stuff, I'd lose my job in the best case, and with some of it(i.e. stuff protected by FERPA) unauthorized access to it is a federal felony.

I'm not being "funny" or whatever other adjective you want to tack on about this-I'm covering my rear end.

 

[The-Real-Deal82]

I have a 2 year old daughter so my iPhone is regularly handed back to me covered in grubby fingerprints or I find it face down in the hall lol. It has apps on for her so I enjoy sharing it.

I don't have any particular OCD traits over it to be honest.