Is life over?

[grandM]

So near 50. Family torn apart ages ago. No gf, no kids. Lost my job time ago. The job brought in cash but after the work loneliness was what was left. My friends from before have their lives and no longer reply. Gave social media too long a try but after all they proved to be an illusion. Guess my life is over.

 

[Sosab123]

People start over all the time. You gotta just keep building.

 

[maflynn]

The job brought in cash but after the work loneliness was what was left.

I'm sorry, but I can empathize.

Life changes, whether we like it or not and one of the changes is how for many people friend groups tend to shrink as one gets older.

I would recommend finding some hobbies you can do after work, bowling leagues, hiking, running, skiing clubs, local theater groups, volunteering at museums, hospitals, schools.

There's also finding a local church, and seeking spiritual guidance, strength and meaning. As a Christian, I find ultimately that my life has meaning, even when things are not going my way or I'm largely at home

I made some great friends by signing up for karate, there's something to be said about going through struggles and challenges that deepen a friendship and going through belt tests was definitely a challenge.

 

[T'hain Esh Kelch]

Find some social hobby. It leads to purpose, friends, and potentially a partner. Plus points if it gets you healthy and fit at the same time, as that helps with depression and attracting a partner.

First, Talk to your doctor if you feel depressive.

 

[grandM]

In the past I did try several things. Went to dancing school, also gym eg. I am not great at gym. I don’t think I will still find a partner. Have been single for over 15 or more years now. Stopped keeping track. Christianity is near gone over here. My Christian background is probably the thing which made me try keep on fighting but I feel the battle is lost. It truly felt as one gigantic struggle. I tried. Excelled at many things. Yet each time was slammed back into the ground. I also feel like detached. Like not having anything in common anymore. Also really done with having a boss at work. They seem to only talk about things which went wrong without appreciating the good. Why also bother? When I die what is left will go for a large part to the state. I don’t have any children so the money is lost anyway.

As far as volunteering is concerned. School isn’t the place to be. Taught for many years. Temps. None of those teachers kept in contact.

 

[grandM]

In truth I realize people only talk to me nowadays when they want something from me. I can’t even phantom how I got to this point but there it is. Truly lost my faith in humanity. They are talking big topics and ignore the person in front of them.

 

[Jxdawg]

I hate to hear this is happening for you. I can understand why tho. Have you ever tried therapy? Sometime having someone walk you through au tough season is helpful.

 

[grandM]

It is a waste of time and money. You pay someone to talk to you. They don’t give a **** about you. The one thing they care about is keeping your money flowing towards them. They even have a reason to keep you miserable. This way you come back to them buying their mansion.

 

[grandM]

I actually tried to find some purpose again and go feeding ducks now and then. Some bystanders, always white women, tell me it is not allowed. One of those times there was a festival going on a bit farther. She gave a negative comment and walked on with her hubby and son. I thought to myself are you entirely brainless. You notice someone of near 50 feeding ducks while everyone is going to the festival. What’s that telling you? Actually still shouted her it is the jubuleum year of the Holy Saint Antoinius. Not that she knows who he was.

 

[grandM]

Don’t think that woman realizes the ducks mean more to me than her.

 

[maflynn]

It is a waste of time and money. You pay someone to talk to you. They don’t give a **** about you. The one thing they care about is keeping your money flowing towards them. They even have a reason to keep you miserable. This way you come back to them buying their mansion.

I don't think that's a correct assessment of the health care professionals. Its clear you're posting here as a plea for help, and non of us are truly trained or educated to provide care, other then our own suggestions. Why be so hostile to a group of healthcare professionals who's very profession is to help you. you mentioned about leaving your money to no one, spend it on seeking therapy who cares how they use the money they earn.

Instead of finding reasons to not do something find something that you're willing to try. isn't it better to attempt a new hobby or activity and hate it, then not try it all? I know its easier to dismiss something then putting yourself out there but that is the only way you're going to effect change.

 

[grandM]

I don't think that's a correct assessment of the health care professionals. Its clear you're posting here as a plea for help, and non of us are truly trained or educated to provide care, other then our own suggestions. Why be so hostile to a group of healthcare professionals who's very profession is to help you. you mentioned about leaving your money to no one, spend it on seeking therapy who cares how they use the money they earn.

Instead of finding reasons to not do something find something that you're willing to try. isn't it better to attempt a new hobby or activity and hate it, then not try it all? I know its easier to dismiss something then putting yourself out there but that is the only way you're going to effect change.

Hence the ducks. They are sweet.
I actually do realize people can’t help me here. That therapist can’t either. Just putting out there how I feel. Maybe some know people in their environment who used to be their friends and they gave up on them. Than they act surprised it ends in suicide. You must realize how folks in my situation hear seek therapy. We read it as: listen it’s your problem. I have my life. Just pay someone to talk to you. Never and I mean never say that to a friend of yours who reaches out.

You can compare it to a friend with a drained car battery calling you asking to drop by bc he has jumper cables. The friend answers: don’t know if that’s healthy for my car. Don’t you pay for car help? I actually heard this twice from different people. I pay for it now.

 

[maflynn]

Hence the ducks. They are sweet.

And tasty 😛

(sorry couldn't resist)

 

[grandM]

And tasty 😛

(sorry couldn't resist)

Really not funny. Sorry. If someone were to try hurting them and I saw it happening the cops would be needed. Not for that guy but for me for I would really hurt that person. I love them.

 

[Madhatter32]

Being lonely does not mean your life is over. Thinking it does means you are losing control over your thoughts. Get that under control. If you need help, a good first step is professional help. But either way, there are things you can do. So, do not lose hope.

 

[grandM]

I saw everything fall apart, you know. I still recall our family chanting at the night Mass on Christmas Eve. Soon there will be no church left over here. Western Europe is lost and going to hell.

 

[Sosab123]

Hence the ducks. They are sweet.
I actually do realize people can’t help me here. That therapist can’t either. Just putting out there how I feel. Maybe some know people in their environment who used to be their friends and they gave up on them. Than they act surprised it ends in suicide. You must realize how folks in my situation hear seek therapy. We read it as: listen it’s your problem. I have my life. Just pay someone to talk to you. Never and I mean never say that to a friend of yours who reaches out.

You can compare it to a friend with a drained car battery calling you asking to drop by bc he has jumper cables. The friend answers: don’t know if that’s healthy for my car. Don’t you pay for car help? I actually heard this twice from different people. I pay for it now.

I agree with you completely absolutely and I agree with your perspective.

 

[boswald]

I feel you, OP. I'm 43 and I have no friends. I live in a rural community, away from most cities. The next town over is full of crime so you always look over your shoulder. I feel like the only thing that makes me happy anymore is more "stuff." It's a dangerous (and reckless) habit. But you know what? I've never given up.

I am on more medicine than I can count, I have a broken back, tendinitis in my left arm (I wear a brace most days), and I'm depressed. But there are simple things that keep me going: my animals (2 cats and a dog), nature, walks in the park, my Apple Watch (as silly as that sounds), and other little guilty pleasures. Life is only over when you make it that way.

TL;DR: You have friends here, bud.

 

[Fallforward]

I actually tried to find some purpose again and go feeding ducks now and then. Some bystanders, always white women, tell me it is not allowed. One of those times there was a festival going on a bit farther. She gave a negative comment and walked on with her hubby and son. I thought to myself are you entirely brainless. You notice someone of near 50 feeding ducks while everyone is going to the festival. What’s that telling you? Actually still shouted her it is the jubuleum year of the Holy Saint Antoinius. Not that she knows who he was.

Hopefully you have verified what is good and bad for wild ducks, like cracked corn is good and bread and lots of other things people often feed them are harmful.

 

[poorcody]

I was out camping a few weeks ago and a family of baby ducks swam up to our site each evening. We did a little research and found that grapes sliced in half are a nutritious snack that they really enjoy.

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Sometimes the only thing you can do is try to hold on and hope for better days. I personally find that taking long walks in the woods are therapeutic when I'm depressed. Combination of exercise and nature seem to help heal the soul.

Have you ever considered getting a dog or cat? Sometimes a little companion can really add meaning and love to your life more than one might expect.

 

[M.Brane]

Don't let the batards grind you down. Even if they do win let the last of you they see be your middle finger.

 

[yaxomoxay]

. Guess my life is over.

If that’s what you’ve decided, yes it’s over. If you decide otherwise, it’s not over.

 

[BigMcGuire]

Really not funny. Sorry. If someone were to try hurting them and I saw it happening the cops would be needed. Not for that guy but for me for I would really hurt that person. I love them.

There's a big difference between buying a meat product at a store and abusing an animal in public (your response would be justified to this).

I'm 40 - losing my job of 20+ years in the near future. Most of my life long friends have children - off doing their own thing. My family - same thing. It's been a huge wake up call.

Church doesn't have to be limited to a physical building - there is a lot of stuff online for free - and a lot of small groups that like to meet even if digitally. Keep up the faith! Don't stop reading your Bible!

What helps me is helping others - volunteering time at places (if you can afford it) or even getting part time side jobs at places that need help - (colleges, etc).

Keep us updated!

 

[grandM]

I actually give away money to charity causes. Not those big guys but people grasping to pay their groceries of small gifts for poor or disabled children.

 

[Bodhitree]

Life is not over until they carry your cooling corpse out of the retirement home. At “near 50” that fate is still several decades away.

I think a dog is not a bad suggestion. It gets you out of the house and talking to people, getting a little exercise, and it gets you another four-footed friend.