Is life over?

[ClaraStahlbaum]

I actually give away money to charity causes. Not those big guys but people grasping to pay their groceries of small gifts for poor or disabled children.

I truly sympathize with what you are going through. While I am much younger than you (I am in my 20s), there were a few experiences I've had throughout my life where I thought everything was "over" to a degree. Breakups, losing friend groups, the list goes on really but after enough time I've healed from those things, and am looking forward. When I look at those types of things I realize I haven't actually lost anything tangible as people's true selves come out after time. The only thing that is truly "lost" is the illusion that those people were trustworthy or worth my time. I had an IRL best friend, he moved away 4 years ago to another state and never followed up with me. We last spoke a year and a half ago, so I think at this point my friendship with him is over.

I don't see myself having much in common with other people my age, I feel like I am an "older" soul than other people in my age group so I've always felt like the outcast. I don't have much commonality with them, I see other people my age acting the way they act and I want nothing to do with that kind of behavior. I am kind of worried about ending up in a similar position when I am in my 50s. I definitely don't plan on having kids, and I don't know if finding a good quality relationship will happen anytime soon. I want to look into a relationship at some point, but only when I have my life together. I think at this point in time I am just focusing on myself.

Maybe spend some time in nature, remove toxic influences wherever you find them. Maybe work out a bit, build yourself up. None of us are professionals, so keep that in mind.

Ultimately I tend to think life is what you make of it. While a lot of things are out of our control, we do have some level of control over how we react and deal with things. So don't let it get you down.

 

[grandM]

i feel the most precious thing one can do is having children. Don’t toss that aside lightly. A career means nothing.

 

[ClaraStahlbaum]

i feel the most precious thing one can do is having children. Don’t toss that aside lightly. A career means nothing.

I don't feel like I would have the patience required for such a thing. Some people don't make good parents. I don't think I would.

 

[yaxomoxay]

I don't feel like I would have the patience required for such a thing. Some people don't make good parents. I don't think I would.

Trust me, no parent does. Until it’s time to do it. Then, you’ll be ready.

 

[Fallforward]

If that’s what you’ve decided, yes it’s over. If you decide otherwise, it’s not over.

Conditions like severe depression can have many different underlying causes like sleep disorders, neurobiological conditions, brain injury, PTSD from childhood trauma even if they don't consciously remember, hormonal issues, substance abuse, or other medical or experience reasons. Plus possibly undiagnosed brain issues like ADHD, various function or regulation impairments, etc.

My nonexpert recommendation is to start with a visit with a medical doctor and go from there.

 

[yaxomoxay]

Conditions like severe depression can have many different underlying causes like sleep disorders, neurobiological conditions, brain injury, PTSD from childhood trauma even if they don't consciously remember, hormonal issues, substance abuse, or other medical or experience reasons. Plus possibly undiagnosed brain issues like ADHD, various function or regulation impairments, etc.

My nonexpert recommendation is to start with a visit with a medical doctor and go from there.

Sure, 100%. However the question was “is life over?”. None of the issues, symptoms, and ailments you described make one’s life “over”.

 

[Apple fanboy]

i feel the most precious thing one can do is having children. Don’t toss that aside lightly. A career means nothing.

We lost our only child when she was 14. That was 10 years ago.
I’m a bit older than you and I can assure you it felt like life was over.

The truth is that life was. But over time you learn to adjust. You find new things to focus on.

You clearly like nature (so do I). Why not find areas to explore in nature or volunteer with the wildlife trust in your area (or whatever the equivalent is where you live).

Life ebs and flows. Some times things work out, others don’t. But when one thing ends, another begins.

Hang in there. Look for the positives each day. Try not to focus on the negative.

 

[Harddrive]

I am considerably older and live by the fact GOD will never give you more than you can endure your just tougher than you think and praying does help.

 

[grandM]

I pretty much had enough by now.

 

[Apple fanboy]

I pretty much had enough by now.

Than as others have said perhaps it’s time to reach out to a professional or call the Samaritans.

Hang in there. Life can get better.

 

[Madonepro]

So near 50. Family torn apart ages ago. No gf, no kids. Lost my job time ago. The job brought in cash but after the work loneliness was what was left. My friends from before have their lives and no longer reply. Gave social media too long a try but after all they proved to be an illusion. Guess my life is over.

Where's @The Cockney Rebel when you need him?

You came in here, and whilst there isn't the professional support that would likely help, you reached out. All the things you describe are valid, but there are many people out there who would be happy to be 'lonely', without the hustle and bustle of a busy life, kid's, partner etc.
I'm 59, and been single since my mid 40's, but I don't hanker for a partner. I'm oft reminded of the "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" song.

Start off simple, ask yourself what things you actually enjoy doing. It could be as simple as watching a tv series, coming onto Mac rumours and participating, learning a new piece of software, signing up for an investopedia account and playing with their virtual trading app, or as others have alluded to, join a sports club, a mens shed, trying out tennis or golf, or perhaps Tai chi, which surprisingly is quite social.
If you think you are alone, and your problems are unique, you are so wrong. We all have issues, and what makes you braver and smarter than most, is you have opened up. The morgues are full of people who don't.

I love the saying "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't—you're right"

 

[Madhatter32]

There are people ready to help when you're feeling at your lowest. Here are a few numbers I pulled from an internet search for the United States and a few other countries to start a call with someone who is ready to listen. You can also text the number if you don't like calling.

US:
- Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988

- Veterans Crisis Line: 1–800–273–8255, followed by pressing 1, or text: 838255

UK:
- National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 0800 689 5652

- Samaritans Helpline: 116 123

Canada:
- Talk Suicide Canada: 1–833–456–4566 or 45645

Australia:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14

- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

- MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78

Germany:
- Telefonseelsorge: 0800 111 0 111, or 0800 111 0 222, or 116 123, or by online chat

- International Helpline Berlin: 030-44 01 06 07

India:
- Kiran: 961-944-5504

- Muktaa Mental Health Helpline: 788-788-9882

France:
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 3114

 

[grandM]

Actually know the sunscreen song. It is pretty cool.

 

[jbachandouris]

There are people ready to help when you're feeling at your lowest. Here are a few numbers I pulled from an internet search for the United States and a few other countries to start a call with someone who is ready to listen. You can also text the number if you don't like calling.

US:
- Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988

- Veterans Crisis Line: 1–800–273–8255, followed by pressing 1, or text: 838255

UK:
- National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 0800 689 5652

- Samaritans Helpline: 116 123

Canada:
- Talk Suicide Canada: 1–833–456–4566 or 45645

Australia:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14

- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

- MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78

Germany:
- Telefonseelsorge: 0800 111 0 111, or 0800 111 0 222, or 116 123, or by online chat

- International Helpline Berlin: 030-44 01 06 07

India:
- Kiran: 961-944-5504

- Muktaa Mental Health Helpline: 788-788-9882

France:
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 3114

Obviously you've never experienced this. Talking about it does NOT help.

 

[jbachandouris]

I'm 58. My wife of 22 years left 4 years ago with the kids now 20&25. Lost job almost 6 months ago. Unemployment ends in 2 weeks. No solid leads. I feel the exact same way. My father died at 57 so I'm on borrowed time as I see it.

Only holding onto God. Or rather He's holding on to me.

Shrinks and meds have done nothing. Talking about it doesn't change what's wrong.

 

[turbineseaplane]

What helps me is helping others - volunteering time at places (if you can afford it)

This is a VERY underrated mental health tip.

It soothes the soul in a way that feels so right.

One of my least favorite things about our society these days is the individualistic focus.
It's not healthy for us as humans.

 

[poorcody]

I'm 58. My wife of 22 years left 4 years ago with the kids now 20&25. Lost job almost 6 months ago. Unemployment ends in 2 weeks. No solid leads. I feel the exact same way. My father died at 57 so I'm on borrowed time as I see it.

Only holding onto God. Or rather He's holding on to me.

Shrinks and meds have done nothing. Talking about it doesn't change what's wrong.

I do get what you're saying here -- sometimes the substance of life is the issue, not how you feel about it. But sometimes you can get into a kind of "doom loop" where "chemically" your brain leads you into a depression that is beyond the substance. An analogy might be if you get a physical injury that causes inflammation, but the inflammation become systemic well beyond the injury itself and does not turn off. In cases like that, is helpful to get help, and at least be aware that it can make things seem worse than they are. I have no idea if the OP is in the condition, just something to consider.

 

[poorcody]

i feel the most precious thing one can do is having children. Don’t toss that aside lightly. A career means nothing.

I wouldn't dwell on that. There are a lot of people that never have children that have happy and fulfilling lives. Children can also bring a lot of heartache and pain.

As much as life feels meaningless to you, as some have said, some people would envy having a clean-slate at 50. I get what you mean about people not caring and just caring about money, but it's not true of everyone. Some people are kind and friendly, some jobs are meaningful and rewarding, it's just about finding them.

Sometimes small steps like visiting the local pub and buying someone a drink and starting up a conversation. Visiting a food bank and volunteering -- as others have said, doing work like that can be very good for the soul, and you are meeting other volunteers who might be kind and blossom into friends. As grueling as job hunting is, you only need to find one that might turn things around.

What's that expression... "fake it 'till you make it". Sometimes that's all we can do. Do little things to try to move forward, keep the faith until faith finds you.

 

[grandM]

In all honesty my life simply is ****. Has been for decades with some better periods. Those periods were work related. I did not have more friends. Friends only diminished. I give money to poor people. Not for myself but to help them. Today I was talking to an older man I ran into. For like 2 minutes. Then his wife made a sign he had to stop. Then I went grocery shopping. Same store as usual. No cashier to be spotted so I go to the self scan. Noticed the shop responsible moving fastly to the register. All out of the sudden my self scan threw an alert. She acted like she didn’t know why but she had pushed a button bc she didn’t trust me. Did I mention I will lose/lost my entire (huge) inheritance bc a witch decided to destroy my parents their marriage? I remember that an ex once said I was the sweetest guy she ever ran into. I am fed up with most things.

 

[grandM]

Don’t get me started about work. I am really bright. Or used to. Was mostly used.

 

[grandM]

Having no kids feels as a defeat. I realize I won’t have any. This was not my choice.
The only chance at having them would be by miracously meeting a younger woman. People would judge me, call me words bc I would fall in love and have kids. How monstruous. And no, that is not possible with a woman my age.
You say there are many decent people out there. That’s funny. I must not have met them for I haven’t got to know anyone new since my thirties. Sure they have their lives hanging out with others, traveling, doing whatever but they simply don’t care about others. Sorry.

 

[iHorseHead]

It is a waste of time and money. You pay someone to talk to you. They don’t give a **** about you. The one thing they care about is keeping your money flowing towards them. They even have a reason to keep you miserable. This way you come back to them buying their mansion.

I don't know. I've had anger issues (I've been banned on MacRumors several times due to my anger issues that I wasn't able to control), I got anxious easily, startled at every single thing to the point where I might bunch you in the face out of the blue if I startle before I even realise what I'm doing and I've had suicidal thoughts for years.
Now I've been going to a psychiatrist and to a psychotherapist and they've helped me a lot. I'm even on medication now.

My changes are far from over, because they also want me to change my job (and so do I). Due to work I'm under constant pressure and stress. I have to take anti anxiety pills before I go to work. I work in IT, so everything gets blamed on me and it used to make me so bad, but now I don't care anymore.

I don't know what's life is going to bring me or what I'm going to do in the future, but at least I'm not suicidal anymore and I don't startle so easily. Seriously, you could put a Rottweiler next to me and I wouldn't even flinch if it barks and that comes from someone that's afraid of dogs.

Give it a shot. I go to a psychotherapist and after like 5 sessions she told me I need psychiatric help (which I'm ashamed to admit, because it makes me sound as if I was insane), and it took awhile for pills to start kicking in as well. I got some emergency pills if I ever get suicidal and those cheered me up.

You should give it a shot and at least seek for help.

 

[iHorseHead]

Having no kids feels as a defeat. I realize I won’t have any.

Men in their 50's can have children.

 

[grandM]

Yes with younger women. Then you get called a p…

 

[grandM]

I am actually pretty much in control over my anger. Sure I feel a lot of it. Seems normal. I have never hurt someone physically in my life. I am glad you feel comfort in pills. I would take this as another defeat. But that’s me. Glad you found something working out for you.