Kohler Launches $600 iPhone-Connected Toilet Camera That Monitors Your Health Through Waste Analysis

[turbineseaplane]

Dekoda app: *ALERT, you dropped your phone*

"I KNOW!"

"ALERT: LIQUID IN YOUR USB-C PORT ... and some other stuff it seems like?"

 

[QandnotU]

Kohler is positioning itself to be number one in the number two business.

 

[iZac]

I dread getting this warning in the app:

Off topic: mods are going to have so much fun 'cleaning up' this thread

 

[ipedro]

Natural extension of the Fart App for the IoT era.

 

[I7guy]

Kohler must be in cahoots with Ring! Many lovely replies in this thread. However, it would be interesting to know real world use cases and what the outcomes are.

 

[ipedro]

The website for the product is careful not to say that the product is essentially a camera that's peering into the toilet, instead referencing unspecified "powerful sensors" that analyze the contents of the toilet.

That's because it's not a camera. Took me sub-60 seconds of browsing their site to do the research that the writer of this article should have. This is clearly not a camera, they're spectrographs.

The 4 components on the right shoot different wavelengths of light into the bowl, the sensor on the left collects the resulting wavelengths. There's no "camera that's peering into the toilet".

 

[herocero]

 

[platinumaqua]

Cupertino, CA — Apple today unveiled iWipe+, the next generation of precision cleaning. Designed with cutting-edge microfiber technology and powered by Apple’s revolutionary WipeOS 2, iWipe ensures your ass is wiped just the way Jony Ive intended: perfectly, reverently, and expensively.

For only $9.99/month, subscribers receive:
50 Bonus Wipes — Because smudges happen.
AppleCare+ for iWipe — Covers accidental over-wiping and emotional distress caused by streaks.
ClothSync™ — Sync your wiping data across all devices to track your “smudge-to-shine ratio.”
Charging Stand (sold separately) — A $79.99 anodized aluminum pedestal to keep your iWipe “inspired.”
Environmental Mode — iWipe automatically apologizes before cleaning third-party devices.

Apple engineers describe iWipe+ as “a reimagining of what it means to care for an ass — spiritually and financially.”

Coming soon in Space Gray and Slightly Whiter White.

or iBidet:

30 5 second sprays per month for $9.99
60 5 second sprays per month for $12.99

add warm water and heated seats for additional $2.99 per month

extended sprays (up to 20 seconds) for additional $1.99 per month

 

[jmonster]

How can this be end to end encrypted if it’s analyzed on their servers? Talk about marketing ********.

 

[Heat_Fan89]

Good grief, we are being turned into technology slaves with all this crap (pun intended). 🥳

 

[Xade]

Thing is, if they release the iDump, you can guarantee they'll bring out the iDump Pro a few months later with a built-in fragrance dispenser - Apple flavour.

At the low, low subscription price of.........

 

[Gunnilingus]

How will it differentiate between users?

 

[Gunnilingus]

Is there a guest mode?

 

[Gunnilingus]

I will not be helping my family troubleshoot or setup their **** analyzer.

 

[Gunnilingus]

I hope there is a companion app for the Vision Pro that lets me livestream the events.

If I buy two can I view it in stereoscopic 3D?

 

[Gunnilingus]

They should partner with Withings. Weigh yourself before and after to get accurate measurements for my poo journal.

 

[Gunnilingus]

They should have a leaderboard and achievements.

Although longest streak might be confusing.

 

[doelcm82]

Flying cars they said

They also said smart toilets that would monitor your family's health. It's been promised for decades.

 

[subjonas]

Hoping the site doesn’t get hacked! Talk about getting caught with your knickers down.

I think the camera aims down, not up

 

[Jetscreamer]

This is less invasive than a colonoscopy. If it works.

 

[9Jooey]

My hemoglobin once dropped to 8.8, and I had to take stool samples to the hospital loads of times to check for bleeding in my gut. These days, I always have to keep an eye on the color, and honestly -This device is very useful.

 

[Pafoofnik]

Designed by "John"-y Ive.

 

[Olde Dave]

Reading about a device like this definitely wasn’t on my upcoming tech bingo card for the year. Im starting to feel a little bit old fashioned, but I think there are just some areas of my life that I don’t want to incorporate constant monitoring into.

 

[Gasu E.]

I'm not going to post a comment on this story. I'm... not.

 

[eji]

SmartPipe got there first.

This was my thought exactly. For folks who need context, here it is.