LOL! I'm a key chain minimalist, too. Even the stupid car button fobs are too big. I pick up my wife's chain and it looks like she's a janitor in some mental institution somewhere.
Im with you here. Things on your key chain put weight on your ignition and kill it. I have my key FOB and key and house key. Thats it. plus I fell down too many times on bulky keys and learned my lesson lol