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[Men] Wives' surnames (women can comment too, of course)

While I'm not the marrying type, I would actually like to invent a new last name for marriage. My last name is pretty crap. Hell, maybe I'll change it anyways.

Since I'm 100% anti-kids, it's not like it matters.
 
I changed my surname. He didn't mind what I did one way or the other, which, ironically, probably helped in my decision to change it.
I like it better than my maiden name, which I don't really have a big connection with, plus I quite like the idea of sharing a name with him. So much change has happened around my meeting and marrying him that the name change seemed part of the reinvention of self, if you will. Now my initials are BE, which is also rather fitting.
 
When I get married I really wouldn't care....

I kinda wish my dad took my mom's name though. Her maiden name is much more easier to pronounce. No one would screw it up like they screw up my last name :D
 
I had a coworker who had a double hyphenated last name and all three of them where long and hard to spell. She told me she could understand her grandma but thought her mother was insane. She said she couldn't wait to get married and drop it.

For a long time I was the last hope for my family name to carry on. Luckily one of my uncles had two boys while I was in college so now the pressure is off me. Funny thing is if my mom had married my father there would be no pressure in the first place. I'm never getting married or having kids. My DNA ain't worth passing on.
 
my wife changed to my last name, but it wouldn't have bothered me had she not. her career wasn't as developed as it was now and if it had, I would have recommended leaving it.

changing the name to me is something that really isn't a big deal.
i think people need to focus on making a marriage/relationship work more than whether to change a name or not. not poking fun at anyone, but looking at current divorce rates makes me wonder where priorities lay...
 
mkrishnan said:
I'd support anything my future wife wanted to do with respect to her own name. I do rather.want a child, and want a child with my last name... I'm an only child, and it's the only chance my dad has. :eek:
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And you'll end up like me, third daughter is on the way. I'm most likely getting fixed after this one, and if my daughters end up being traditionalists the name goes with their weddings. Of course after dealing with a 9 letter Polish last name for my whole life I won't blame them in the least when they decide that the other name is easier.

.Andy said:
This is in essence what it come down to. Some people want to continue their family name others (myself included) couldn't give two hoots :D. I'd be more than happy for my family name to die with me. I don't see it as important at all. As I said before it would be my preference for my kids to take my wife's name or a different surname altogether.
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yg17 said:
When I get married I really wouldn't care....

I kinda wish my dad took my mom's name though. Her maiden name is much more easier to pronounce. No one would screw it up like they screw up my last name :D
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Yeah, that would have been easier in my family, mom's maiden name is a 5 letter German name, easy to pronounce, although slightly confusing with the spelling, versus the Polish monstrosity I've had all my life.

Of course an interesting note, of my maternal first cousins, there was a 28 year gap from when the last boy was born until one of my cousins had a baby boy. There were 8 girls born in that time span, and the only boys born to my cousins carry on my mom's maiden name, the rest of us only have girls. Out of the 9 kids born to my first cousins (so far) there are only the two boys, and my last girl currently on the way.
 
I think it's a sweet gesture if she takes her husband's last name, but would I let her decision to hang on to her own prevent me marrying the right one? No.
 
There's been a recent surge of men taking their wives surname. I remember hearing about this a year or two ago.
 
This is something I have talked about with my girlfriend. Although she is the end of her family name she has said she wanted to change it to mine. I am personally happy with whatever she decides, after all I wouldn't want anyone deciding for me.

I think it is a shame that her surname will end with her but our two names do not go together and in fact if I change my surname my family name will end as both my sisters have said they are changing their surnames.

Of course we could just come up with a totally new surname, perhaps a mismash of our two names, although if we get it wrong it could end up as Mooron :eek::D
 
we are both scientists so we kept ours, it was really a no-brainer.

i wouldn't have minded either way.
what i find utterly ridiculous is the custom of addressing a wife with the husband's first and last name, as in Mrs. John Smith, or Mr. & Mrs. John Smith.
it's incredibly offensive and demeaning in my opinion. Even worse is when you get the Dr. and Mrs. John Smith, when both are doctors.
 
gonyr said:
My wife kept her original name when we were first married. Later, when our child was born, she changed it so we would all have the same last name. She still uses the original name professionally, though. She likes having an "alias", and it makes it virtually impossible for her clients to contact her at home.
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I know of several radio DJ's who do that.

My wife took my last name. I never asked. For her it was just a given.
 
I left it up to my wife, she chose to take my last name. Her last name was not even her real last name since her father was estranged from his family and changed his last name to match that of his grandparents not his father or step father.

Either way, she complains because my last name was just as boring as hers was. And now she's joined me at the back of the line whenever things are divvied out alphabetically.

SLC
 
Iscariot said:
While I'm not the marrying type, I would actually like to invent a new last name for marriage. My last name is pretty crap. Hell, maybe I'll change it anyways.

Since I'm 100% anti-kids, it's not like it matters.
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You can have mine if you want it. ;) I still have no ring on my finger. :)
 
Surely said:
I spent much more than that and still left it to her to do whatever she wanted.
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All I'm saying is if a woman wants the traditional wedding/engagement items and events, she should feel somewhat obligated to follow all of them, including taking the husbands name. If nothing else for the gesture alone. Men are typically expected to shell out quite a bit, not to mention the parents in some situations. (not me I paid for everything)

Am I the only person who feels if a woman can pick and choose what traditions to or not to follow is a bit selfish?

I know every situation is different, and I just generalized a bit. But, I can't be completely alone with this opinion. BTW, I'm not a Conservative Christian.
 
ButtUglyJeff said:
All I'm saying is if a woman wants the traditional wedding/engagement items and events, she should feel somewhat obligated to follow all of them, including taking the husbands name. If nothing else for the gesture alone. Men are typically expected to shell out quite a bit, not to mention the parents in some situations. (not me I paid for everything)

Am I the only person who feels if a woman can pick and choose what traditions to or not to follow is a bit selfish?

I know every situation is different, and I just generalized a bit. But, I can't be completely alone with this opinion. BTW, I'm not a Conservative Christian.
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Yeah...uhhhh...let us know how that logic goes over with your significant other. ;)
 
atszyman said:
Yeah, that would have been easier in my family, mom's maiden name is a 5 letter German name, easy to pronounce, although slightly confusing with the spelling, versus the Polish monstrosity I've had all my life.
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Yup, my mother's maiden name is Cohen which you can't really screw up since everyone knows what that is. My dad's name is a shortened version of his grandparents' originial Russian name which they changed when they came to the US, but even the shortened version screws people up. I can't imagine the original, Russian version, I don't think I would be able to pronounce it
 
ButtUglyJeff said:
All I'm saying is if a woman wants the traditional wedding/engagement items and events, she should feel somewhat obligated to follow all of them, including taking the husbands name. If nothing else for the gesture alone. Men are typically expected to shell out quite a bit, not to mention the parents in some situations. (not me I paid for everything)

Am I the only person who feels if a woman can pick and choose what traditions to or not to follow is a bit selfish?

I know every situation is different, and I just generalized a bit. But, I can't be completely alone with this opinion. BTW, I'm not a Conservative Christian.
Click to expand...

Wow dude, that's horrible. Just horrible.

I don't know about you, but I wasn't expected to shell out anything. I bought her the kick-ass ring because I wanted to. If she wanted to take my name, great. If not, whatever. She's smart enough to remember who she's married to (and I am as well).

It's not selfish AT ALL if she wants to keep her name. Not even a little bit. What is selfish, however, is expecting her to take your name as an exchange for the ring.

Marriage isn't about ownership anymore- that's where the tradition comes from. It's a partnership.

How dare a woman express her freedom and pick and choose to do certain things and not others! :rolleyes:
 
Not that I'm planning on getting married, but I think that it would make sense for both people to keep the name, and then assuming kids, girls get the mother's name, and boys get the father's name. No complex hyphenations, and both people can continue their "family name/line".
 
Well traditionally (for Haudenosaunee ppl) the men would move into the woman's family house (we're a matrilineal society) so ideally the man would take the woman's name, by moving into the wife's clan house. But I am seeing a non-native so I think his family would make a big fuss out of him changing his name. So I honestly wouldn't change my last name
 
ButtUglyJeff said:
All I'm saying is if a woman wants the traditional wedding/engagement items and events, she should feel somewhat obligated to follow all of them, including taking the husbands name. If nothing else for the gesture alone. Men are typically expected to shell out quite a bit, not to mention the parents in some situations. (not me I paid for everything)

Am I the only person who feels if a woman can pick and choose what traditions to or not to follow is a bit selfish?

I know every situation is different, and I just generalized a bit. But, I can't be completely alone with this opinion. BTW, I'm not a Conservative Christian.
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That's chauvinistic but does make sense. People pick and choose quite a lot, like around here we have devout Muslim and Catholic folk who drink, have pre-marital sex and all that. Yet they still consider themselves religious.

But I kind of agree, but then again me (and my girlfriend) are quite traditional folk. We're not cross-gender, we haven't renamed Christmas into Wintermas/Winterfest etc.
Just comes down to different boats and such :)
 
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