My Exgirlfriend is my Secret Roomate

carbonmotion

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jan 28, 2004
983
0
San Francisco, CA
I recently returned home from a biz trip, I spent two month abroad. I discovered that my ex-girlfriend, whom I had broken up with about four month ago has been living in my pad for all this time. Apparently, I had given her my spare key sometime ago when we were dating and had forgotten about it. Apparently, she had some money problems a while back (I can't see how, her parents are loaded) and it was either my place or a motel. I wanted to call the cops to kick her out at first, but she begged me to let her stay a while longer. So she's been living at my place for two weeks now, with no exit strategy in sight. I've tried talking to her about it, but she'd just beg me to let her stay for a while longer. I could just toughen up and call the mover to move all her **** on to the street as my friend suggested, but that's not a nice thing to do.

What can I do to get her to move on with her life (w.o. me)?

UPDATE:I just called her parents, they're willing to put her up. I bought her a first class plane ticket back to her parent's home in Palo Alto. Now I'm going to pack up all her crap and FedEx is to parents. When she gets home tonight, I'm gonna tell her everything's done. All she needs to do is get on a plane back home.

thanks for chiming in guys
 

mkrishnan

Moderator emeritus
Jan 9, 2004
29,777
12
Grand Rapids, MI, USA
I really think you need to move her out your door and get the locks changed, sir... if she's willing to do something like that, I personally would not feel safe with her having access to my home or things. Use the police if necessary.

I know it sounds harsh, but I do not see that you have any reason to be nice whatsoever about this. What she did was illegal, was a violation of your privacy, and places you at risk.
 

~J~

macrumors 6502
Jul 27, 2007
447
0
3rd Rock from the sun
I really think you need to move her out your door and get the locks changed, sir... if she's willing to do something like that, I personally would not feel safe with her having access to my home or things. Use the police if necessary.

I know it sounds harsh, but I do not see that you have any reason to be nice whatsoever about this. What she did was illegal, was a violation of your privacy, and places you at risk.
Agreed. I would give her a timeframe. Say, 2 weeks. If she doesnt have her stuff out of your place in 2 weeks, YOU are going to have it moved out and the locks changed. Hey, she has a fair warning then and it puts the ball in her court, so to speak. So the path she takes is up to her. All you have to do is stick to your word. And if her parents are that loaded, im sure she could live with them without them even noticing...
 

carbonmotion

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jan 28, 2004
983
0
San Francisco, CA
I really think you need to move her out your door and get the locks changed, sir... if she's willing to do something like that, I personally would not feel safe with her having access to my home or things. Use the police if necessary.

I know it sounds harsh, but I do not see that you have any reason to be nice whatsoever about this. What she did was illegal, was a violation of your privacy, and places you at risk.
To be fair in college, I owned some credit card money. She lent me a grand when no one else would. I feel like I owe her for that, I think this is why I haven't kicked her out of my apartment yet (I live in Georgetown).
 

0098386

Suspended
Jan 18, 2005
21,576
2,908
It's a tough situation, but going off what you said it doesn't sound like you can trust her. Letting herself into your place? That's not so good.
 

liketom

macrumors 601
Apr 8, 2004
4,158
26
Lincoln,UK
be nice but firm - offer to help her out with finding a new place - offer some money

and if all else fails , kick her out and change the locks

of course all of the above should be done in a 24 hour timeframe
 

fistful

macrumors 6502a
Mar 29, 2004
892
0
Socan
$1000 -> 2 months living in your apartment free (rent paid I assume?) seems like adequate payback to me.

I agree with everyone else: give her a date to move out by and stick to it.
 

synth3tik

macrumors 68040
Oct 11, 2006
3,955
2
Minneapolis, MN
Make sure when she returns back to your place that all her things are on the lawn. Change your locks, or charge her a stupidly high amount of rent. Depending on how you feel currently about her, you can be as rude as you would like.

Personally if it were me, she would have been on the street the first night I came home.
 

carbonmotion

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jan 28, 2004
983
0
San Francisco, CA
Did you pay her back?
i paid her back in rent. i should mention that we used to live together at this current place and she moved out in a spat of rage when i told her i don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore. The bottom line is, I know her well enough to know that, she's not someone who can make it on her own. I feel obligated to convince her to go back to grad school so her parents can start paying for her **** again.
 

119576

Guest
Aug 6, 2007
1,967
0
To be fair in college, I owned some credit card money. She lent me a grand when no one else would. I feel like I owe her for that, I think this is why I haven't kicked her out of my apartment yet (I live in Georgetown).
Fair enough. She lent you some money. You paid her back (I assume?). Now she's lived at your apartment for anywhere between 2 weeks and 2 months.

You are no longer indebted to this woman.

Kick her out on the street!
 

killerrobot

macrumors 68020
Jun 7, 2007
2,220
2
127.0.0.1
That's pretty messed up.
If her parents are loaded and she's loaded (she gave/lent you 1k, no prob?) this seems more than just some money issue.
Did you guys have an amicable splitting?Are you still friends enough that you wouldn't have minded her crashing there had she asked? Why didn't she ask?
You need to talk to her and find out wtf is going on. Depending on that you need to either change the locks immediately or change the locks immediately.
That's a f-ed up situation and even if she lent you 1k in the past, this, I'm assuming, was in no way part of the deal.
Good luck with it.
 

carbonmotion

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jan 28, 2004
983
0
San Francisco, CA
Ok, I just called her parents, they're willing to put her up. I bought her a first class plane ticket back to her parent's home in Palo Alto. Now I'm going to pack up all her crap and FedEx is to parents. When she gets home tonight, I'm gonna tell her everything's done. All she needs to do is get on a plane back home.

Here's the whole story...

we started dating in college for about a year, her parents cut her off when they found out she lent me some of the money they gave her w.o telling them first. she moved out to D.C. with me. she thought we were more serious than what i thought. i broke up with her because my job requires that i travel alot. she moved out to her place in georgetown, but her job barely allow her to pay the rent (she's clueless like that). so she can't pay rent, gets the boot. bums around with friends, but gets the boot. sees the key in her purse. she tries to call me, but i'm outta of the country. decides to go back to living in in what she calls "our place". to the present.
 

byakuya

macrumors 6502a
Jul 26, 2007
542
0
I really think you need to move her out your door and get the locks changed, sir... if she's willing to do something like that, I personally would not feel safe with her having access to my home or things. Use the police if necessary.

I know it sounds harsh, but I do not see that you have any reason to be nice whatsoever about this. What she did was illegal, was a violation of your privacy, and places you at risk.
totally agree...
I would have called the cops on her...

byakuya
 

byakuya

macrumors 6502a
Jul 26, 2007
542
0
I really think you need to move her out your door and get the locks changed, sir... if she's willing to do something like that, I personally would not feel safe with her having access to my home or things. Use the police if necessary.

I know it sounds harsh, but I do not see that you have any reason to be nice whatsoever about this. What she did was illegal, was a violation of your privacy, and places you at risk.
totally agree...
I would have called the cops on her...

byakuya

edit: good solution...unless you had to pay for the ticket and fedex....
 

~J~

macrumors 6502
Jul 27, 2007
447
0
3rd Rock from the sun
Ok, I just called her parents, they're willing to put her up. I bought her a first class plane ticket back to her parent's home in Palo Alto. Now I'm going to pack up all her crap and FedEx is to parents. When she gets home tonight, I'm gonna tell her everything's done. All she needs to do is get on a plane back home.
Good on ya man. FWIW, I think u did the right thing here. But first class??!! I would have gotten coach, intentionally. :eek:

And you are sending her (or parents) the bill for the FexEx shipment, right?? You shouldnt have to foot the bill for moving her out when she shouldnt have been there in the first place. Im not a vindictive person... but theres no reason you should put yourself out like that man.
 

twoodcc

macrumors P6
Feb 3, 2005
15,307
25
Right side of wrong
Ok, I just called her parents, they're willing to put her up. I bought her a first class plane ticket back to her parent's home in Palo Alto. Now I'm going to pack up all her crap and FedEx is to parents. When she gets home tonight, I'm gonna tell her everything's done. All she needs to do is get on a plane back home.
wow :eek: that's one way to do it
 

carbonmotion

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jan 28, 2004
983
0
San Francisco, CA
Good on ya man. FWIW, I think u did the right thing here. But first class??!! I would have gotten coach, intentionally. :eek:

And you are sending her (or parents) the bill for the FexEx shipment, right?? You shouldnt have to foot the bill for moving her out when she shouldnt have been there in the first place. Im not a vindictive person... but theres no reason you should put yourself out like that man.
yeah i have some miles saved up, plus, she's not going to ride coach because she's never ridden coach in her life. i am going to pay for most of it. we've had quite a journey together and all i want, the only thing that i want form her is for her to go back to graduate school. if it means paying a bit more to getting her back to her parents' so they can "convince" her to stop wasting her time, then it's worth it for me.
 

Rhosfelt

macrumors 65816
Aug 15, 2007
1,381
1
I don't want to be raped :(
Wow, there are some heartless bastards on these forums jk jk


Anyways what I would do is give her a time frame like the other guys are all saying, but during that, help her go out and find a place (of course as at your connivence). That way you know she is actually looking for a new place and not just saying so.

And if that doesn't work, assuming you are still okay w/ her parents, try calling them and talking to them to see what is going on there.

That is what I would do, and given I am "the nice guy" it usually does come to bite you in the ass, but this seems fair and justified.

Edit: nvm.. thought i read it all guess i didn't :p
 

~J~

macrumors 6502
Jul 27, 2007
447
0
3rd Rock from the sun
yeah i have some miles saved up, plus, she's not going to ride coach because she's never ridden coach in her life. i am going to pay for most of it. we've had quite a journey together and all i want, the only thing that i want form her is for her to go back to graduate school. if it means paying a bit more to getting her back to her parents' so they can "convince" her to stop wasting her time, then it's worth it for me.
snooty much??!!
 

phungy

macrumors 68020
Dec 5, 2006
2,398
9
FL/NY/TX
yeah i have some miles saved up, plus, she's not going to ride coach because she's never ridden coach in her life. i am going to pay for most of it. we've had quite a journey together and all i want, the only thing that i want form her is for her to go back to graduate school. if it means paying a bit more to getting her back to her parents' so they can "convince" her to stop wasting her time, then it's worth it for me.
Wow always first class? Lucky...I've never ridden first class..
 

wwooden

macrumors 68000
Jul 26, 2004
1,999
150
Burlington, VT
yeah i have some miles saved up, plus, she's not going to ride coach because she's never ridden coach in her life. i am going to pay for most of it. we've had quite a journey together and all i want, the only thing that i want form her is for her to go back to graduate school. if it means paying a bit more to getting her back to her parents' so they can "convince" her to stop wasting her time, then it's worth it for me.
What is worse, riding coach or walking home?
 
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