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My girlfriend, a hotel room, and a 30 year old

Mord said:
Yeah, if you're paranoid as all hell.
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I'm certain 9/10 men will feel the same way if you put out a survey using OP's story.

We are human. Even if our mouth and rational thought say "I trust you 100%". There is always a little voice behind our head that casts doubt.

On a side note, I used to frequently a GPS-tracking software forum because of business needs (tracking fleet of trucks). I read threads where users asked how to track their SO using GPS mobile phone because they are suspicious. Many times the OP will report back confirming his/her initial doubt such as wife saying she's out with the girlfriends when in fact she is meeting some dude in a hotel.
 
munkery said:
Basically, any behaviour is the byproduct of both genetic (nature) and environmental (nurture) factors. But, a biological predisposition must exist for the behavior to occur. Some behaviors are more genetically determined and others are more environmentally determined but all behavior is to some degree influenced by both and sits on a continuum of causation between those two determining factors.

Environmental factors often produce various types of "stress" in an organism. Stress can be physiological (starvation) or emotional (depression).
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wait...... what? and to think this is you sober, imagine the stuff you'd spit out after a few bong rips. :p
 
noekozz said:
wait...... what? and to think this is you sober, imagine the stuff you'd spit out after a few bong rips. :p
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I can regurgitate scientific facts just as well when I am high, which rarely occurs (which is also quite funny for various reasons).

At least, I can when I am high and not too busy eating potato chips.

leekohler said:
That makes me sad. Really?
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It is in straight dudes DNA to be paranoid about sexual infidelity. This behavior is also expressed in varying degrees due to all the factors previously discussed in this thread.

I do think some insecure women manipulate men in relation to this male orientated anxiety to test the male's emotional investment in the relationship.

If the guy gets upset and stays in the relationship, then he is sufficiently emotionally invested. If he doesn't care or ends the relationship, then he is not serious about the relationship.

The problem with doing this is that a male that cares but isn't insecure enough to get upset will appear like he doesn't care.
 
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munkery said:
It is in straight dudes DNA to be paranoid about sexual infidelity. This behavior is also expressed in varying degrees due to all the factors previously discussed in this thread.

I do think some insecure women manipulate men in relation to this male orientated anxiety to test the male's emotional investment in the relationship.

If the guy gets upset and stays in the relationship, then he is sufficiently emotionally invested. If he doesn't care or ends the relationship, then he is not serious about the relationship.

The problem with doing this is that a male that cares but isn't insecure enough to get upset will appear like he doesn't care.
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Wow. Why not just be open and honest instead? What's with the games and tests?
 
leekohler said:
Wow. Why not just be open and honest instead? What's with the games and tests?
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Because they are in their early 20's. This disappears as one gets older due to experience and hormone levels becoming reduced as people become less reproductively relevant. Women's mate value is at it's highest at the age of 25.
 
munkery said:
Because they are in their early 20's. This disappears as one gets older due to experience and hormone levels becoming reduced as people become less reproductively relevant. Women's mate value is at it's highest at the age of 25.
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CorvusCamenarum said:
It's hardwired, just like all the stupid little ***** tests women throw out there to see if their man measures up. If it was one, the OP failed spectacularly.
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I thought we homos had it tough. Rethinking that opinion, now. ;)
 
CorvusCamenarum said:
It's hardwired, just like all the stupid little ***** tests women throw out there to see if their man measures up. If it was one, the OP failed spectacularly.
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Insecure males partake in their own stupid BS as well. It's not the gender but the specific individual. Each gender is biased to seeing the other gender as the problem.
 
leekohler said:
Yeah, but those games are fun. Hee-hee. ;)

Seriously though- if any guy has ever even tried to play those kinds games with me, he's gone. Because he's not mature enough to date in the first place.
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And this may be the problem with the original players in this now over-wrought drama.
 
Mord said:
Speaking for myself, I love sex and lead a rather exotic and unusual lifestyle that'd probably blow your minds. However, I'm perfectly capable of not having sex with someone, even if I go to their hotel room, even if I sleep in the same bed with them for a night, even if I dress all "slutty" around them. It's real easy, I just don't have sex with them.
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Mord said:
It's not even about not wanting commitment, it's about trust and respect, two things that should really feature in any long term committed relationship.
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Mord said:
Makes me glad I don't date men.
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Ahh, uhm, like, uhm, I have been reading your posts and it got me thinking....

Have you ever thought about dating a hot blond lesbian trapped inside a stocky hairy dudes body?

Who knows, maybe this is just my paranoia about paternity certainty getting the better of me....

Ya probably, ok, just forget that I asked.

Disclaimer: This is meant as a social commentary against the anxiety that males go through each day worrying about cuckoldry. Having a baby is just as hard for men, OK!
 
I don't get all this DNA and hardwired talk....

Biologically dudes are supposed to spread their seed..not be monogamous... Based on what people are saying here, op should move on to the next girl.not what I believe but if we are going to bring up biology...
 
The notion that possession and romantic love don't somehow go hand in hand is the odd one. There's a reason literature, poetry and song throughout the ages, throughout the world have couched love in terms of owning someone's heart, body and/or soul.

Doesn't work for me but I don't think it's weird or out of the ordinary that most people think in those terms.
 
Should have dumped her on the spot, OP. She's just one girl and there are a million out there that, believe it or not, have common sense and don't put themselves in situations like this in the first place.

Either way, problems like this tend to fester and chances are the relationship is over and you just don't realize it yet. Good luck.
 
From a girl's perspective (and, FWIW, I only read the first page or two):

I think she made a bad decision. I think she probably figured the guy was harmless and maybe felt a little flattered at his obvious attraction to her. Hell, I'm 34 and happily married with two (soon to be three) kids, and I won't lie -- I still like to feel like I'm attractive to someone besides my husband. (OK, I don't get checked out too often now that I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, but that's beside the point.)

However, I do not think she made a decision worth ending your relationship over. But I don't think that means that you don't have a right to feel unhappy with her decision. I would sit down and talk to her and say, "I know you feel like all's well that end's well, but I feel like you could have been in danger, and I also feel hurt that you didn't think about how this might look to others, or how it made me feel."

Because sometimes it's not about what actually happens, but about the appearance of things. As much as we'd often like to pretend that's not true, it really is. For example, I trust my husband utterly and completely to be faithful. It doesn't mean I'd want him sharing a room with a female coworker on a business trip, though -- if for no other reason than it plain old Looks Bad.
 
oskin said:
We are human. Even if our mouth and rational thought say "I trust you 100%". There is always a little voice behind our head that casts doubt.
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Not necessarily. With my current boyfriend I have absolutely no doubt and trust him 100% and he feels the same about me.
 
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