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My son still has internet in his room! GRRRR

scaredpoet said:
This isn't a new problem either. How did parents in the '80s, '70s, '60s and prior address the issue of x-rated magazines in the house? Eventually, the parent has to give their kids "The Talk," unless of course they choose to avoid the issue, restrict and punish severely without explaining why, and then send their kids out in the world, completely inept and uneducated at forming relationships.

This is just another instance of that same "talk." The sheltered kids are the ones that fare the worst in the real world. The educated kids, on the other hand, tend to avoid trouble far better.
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Couldn't agree more with you - unless parents give their kids freedom to make their own mistakes and learn about the real world, rather than creating this "fairy tale bubble" where the parent protects the kid from all the corruption of the real world, then the kid will struggle to adapt once they leave the nest.

The novel, 'The Catcher and the Rye' is an ideal book to make comparisons in situations like this.
 
Suicidal Teens are extremely difficult to deal with.

May I suggest that you engage your son around his accomplishments by asking him what he thinks he needs, internet wise, as well as asking him what he thinks you are worried about. Invite him to help you problem solve around a solution that would offer you both an acceptable compromise as well as acceptable consequences when he goes off track. You can start by moving the xbox and pc to the LR and negotiate from there. As Parent you know best and 16-17 chronological is not 16-17 emotional.

Isolation is a very worrisome problem with the internet because even tho one might be talking to people it is not the same as learning the skill sets one needs to make one's way in real life. I believe it is very important to get him involved socially and one way you can do that would be to find Garage Band Classes in your area and sign him up for them, Then invite people(including the teachers) over to make, play, and sing music. The more socially involved with him in an embracing way the better for him.

Get him laughing!!! Find out what he thinks is funny and encourage him if it is healthy. Make sure you spend time with him that is uncritical and I am sure it is very difficult because often the behavior causes you to control him in a way that generates anger in you. Just love him.

Protect him from himself. There is a lot of good advice here. Take what you need.

Good luck! Oz
 
Compromise

Well it was a deftly removed ethernet cable so there's the mystery.

I did install apple remote and now can see what he's doing. I mainly don't want self destructive habits beginning.

We are removing it at night (the cord) so there won't be the tendancy to stay up all night chatting with strangers.

Thanks for all the help!
Brenda
 
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I have a friend who is in his early 20's and has two teenage brothers. Their dad keeps the cable modem and router plugged in on a power bar with a timer. They know there are only certain times in the day that are appropriate for being on the internet (e.g. after, say, 2:00am it all shuts off).

I am in agreement with those who advocate trust and positive discussions as opposed to a "battle of wits". The story I'm reminded of is off-topic but I think appropriate.

Last summer I (a late 20-something) was the division director for a group of young teens (12-14 years old) at a summer camp. On our overnight campout, it was getting late at night and I could see a group of boys and girls clumped VERY closely together around the campfire. Nothing illicit, but kids were all leaning on each other, whispering, giggling, etc. My staff were pointing out that it was time for lights-out and were going to scatter the group and send them to their sleeping areas. Rather than the usual (yell "lights out! Go to bed, all of you!") I thought I'd mess with the kids a little bit. I said to my staff, "watch this, guys, they'll all be gone within a minute" and all I did was walk up to the group, and without saying a word, I sat down amongst them and started listening. I expected they'd be so awkward and uncomfortable talking with me present, that they'd slowly start to disperse.

To my utter surprise this didn't happen at all! Instead they welcomed me into the group, kept on talking and included me in the conversation. I don't remember what we talked about but it was not shallow or immature at all. I didn't accomplish my goal of getting them to bed right then, but it did give me validation that these kids were more mature than I gave them credit for and that I was successfully reaching out to them and accepted by them as a result. They even asked me, "how much longer can we talk before you want us to go to bed?"

I think you may find this is the effect that you want to strive for as well.
 
timer

Is this timer just like the ones for attaching to lamps, etc. when you are out of town or is it something different?

Thanks so much for your thoughts.
 
brobson said:
He has a mac mini and I have admin capabilities. I have shut down installation capabilities, internet, etc. He has xbox.

So how can even parallalis get "reception" for lack of a better word if I removed the airport card?
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Well when you blocked all those things that was through os x, he has windows installed so it won't matter. If I'm not mistaken the airport card is just for wireless so most likely he has a hard line going from the computer to the router and just uses the internet in windows through parallels. How old is the kid? Internet is a good thing to have in your room.
 
zblaxberg said:
Well when you blocked all those things that was through os x, he has windows installed so it won't matter. If I'm not mistaken the airport card is just for wireless so most likely he has a hard line going from the computer to the router and just uses the internet in windows through parallels. How old is the kid? Internet is a good thing to have in your room.
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Yes we covered that earlier.
He is 17,
thanks for writing
 
brobson said:
Is this timer just like the ones for attaching to lamps, etc. when you are out of town or is it something different?

Thanks so much for your thoughts.
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Did you read the rest of his post?

It scares me how much you want to "control" your son.
 
Does you son have a blackberry?

I'm wondering if your son is using the "tethering" concept. I just learned about this today here in macrumors. The person can configure the blackberry to be accessed by the computer to gain access to the internet.

the computer and blackberry communicate via bluetooth. If your son can do this, he is one smart boy.
 
Glad things are somewhat better for you so please keep in mind if it starts again…The first thing I thought and was answered around post #50 is some neighbors wifi. I get three other wifi networks that pop up every time I'm on my iMac (wish they would turn down the range). The next thing (think like a kid no matter how old they or you are) did or does this happen when a friend comes over even for a brief visit? They could bring and remove said usb stick or wifi piece. I'm only saying this because until he/she becomes happy and healthy dark options get thought of first (how your thread really started was to figure out the cat and mouse issue to an extent with the addition of modern technology).
A great item for you both if it comes down to it is nice pair of headphones for him for use with the Mini and GB. He can hear his music and you can watch without watching if that makes sense.
In the end it may or may not mean you will have to move the router and do some work to ensure a healthy/happy future for you both but also remember what your reinforcing for the younger one (they are watching to see your actions/reactions and tolerance levels) even if you don't think about it at first. Hey Big Brother is kinda making a trial run for the younger one really.
Hope things go better from here :)
 
Artful Dodger said:
Glad things are somewhat better for you so please keep in mind if it starts again…The first thing I thought and was answered around post #50 is some neighbors wifi. I get three other wifi networks that pop up every time I'm on my iMac (wish they would turn down the range). The next thing (think like a kid no matter how old they or you are) did or does this happen when a friend comes over even for a brief visit? They could bring and remove said usb stick or wifi piece. I'm only saying this because until he/she becomes happy and healthy dark options get thought of first (how your thread really started was to figure out the cat and mouse issue to an extent with the addition of modern technology).
A great item for you both if it comes down to it is nice pair of headphones for him for use with the Mini and GB. He can hear his music and you can watch without watching if that makes sense.
In the end it may or may not mean you will have to move the router and do some work to ensure a healthy/happy future for you both but also remember what your reinforcing for the younger one (they are watching to see your actions/reactions and tolerance levels) even if you don't think about it at first. Hey Big Brother is kinda making a trial run for the younger one really.
Hope things go better from here :)
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Thanks so much!
 
This is the dumbest crap I've ever read in my entire life.

I got a computer when I was in grade 7, now I'm 19, if I didn't have internet for the past 6 years, then I'd probably be a stupid kid.

I've learned so much from reading blogs, reading stuff every day online, searching up random stuff I was interested in. I still had good marks in school, and sometimes this random researched helped me in school.

Here's something else also. My best friend dropped out of high school in grade 9 (ya it's illegal, but he basically didn't go and then he officially dropped out in grade 10). What did he do all day every day? Sit at home, watch tv, surf the web and learn things like that. He knows more stuff than I do, and I've been to school and he hasn't. It's just mind blowing knowing that this guy who dropped out of high school can have a lot of knowledge in more than one area. He knows a lot about computers, but not just that. He knows a lot about science, technology, math etc.

Oh and one more thing... he got promoted to manager at the age of NINETEEN. What a big accomplishment huh?

So how I see it is that by you trying to limit your son's internet activity, it's stopping him from learning more and more.

Until you are sure that he's looking up porn, then I don't think there's any reason that you should limit his internet access.

But that's just how I feel.
 
I don't see what's wrong with taking away all the internet access devices from his room and just giving him an (electric) guitar, music synthesizer or even a drum kit?

Most of us have grown up without internet in our bed rooms and it doesn't seem to have hurt us.
 
TJones said:
Most of us have grown up without internet in our bed rooms and it doesn't seem to have hurt us.
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Yes, but the internet is an essential now-a-days. It is a source of communication to friends via IM/Social Networks, it is a source of information to do work and the latest news. Just because "back in the day" when there was no internet people turned out fine, that doesn't apply now.

Computers are the future - get them skilled up at an early age and it'll benefit them in the future.
 
Seriously, it's not really possible to prevent him from doing whatever when you're not around or paying attention. At least you could move all the electronics out of his room. I mean, you give a kid all these toys to play with, and then tell him not to play with them? That's just way too tempting for any kid to resist.
 
Kilamite said:
Yes, but the internet is an essential now-a-days. It is a source of communication to friends via IM/Social Networks, it is a source of information to do work and the latest news. Just because "back in the day" when there was no internet people turned out fine, that doesn't apply now.

Computers are the future - get them skilled up at an early age and it'll benefit them in the future.
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I don't agree. You can allow internet access for your child but it doesn't have to be unsupervised.
 
Firstly, im 14.

I have the Router in my room, full access to wireless and wired connections, a PS3, an Xbox 360, a PC, iPod Touch, And a PSP Slim. The router is never turned off, and im not restricted in anyway. I am in control of the network, not my dad.

I have never had any compelling reason to talk to strangers online (Online gaming does not count, you are there to game, not talk, i mean through PC) I dont do stupid things on the Pc, im just a regular 14 year old boy.

Also, sure, i have to study, alot, im getting close to GCSE's, but this does not stop my Playing games on and offline for 7 or 8 hours a day, i get my revision done, i get my homework done, im still an A - A* student, and everyone i know in my class has a 360 or tPS3 too, fact is, Gaming stimulates the mind, and makes you smarter, all the dumber kids never had a games console until they were 10 or 11, i started at 5, like most of my friends.

Also, dont bother trying to stop him, one of the best 4 months of my life was hacking into a friends wireless network his dad had completely locked down, the challenge of it, the taste of success when MSN finally signed in, the crushing blow when it was all locked down again. By the end of the 4th month he gave up, we had cracked, hacked and shutdown the network about 30 times, all so we could talk on MSN and Game on PS3.

My advice, leave everything unblocked, but keep checking up on him, walk in and clean up abit, every time you do it, increases the risk when he's looking at porn, and eventually you will start catching him quickly closing windows etc, this is when you will have cured it, the risk will have gotten too high.

My other advice would be buy a new Router, allow him ethernet connection, but get one with Parental Controls, change the username and password needed to get into the settings (192.169.0.1 - admin - password ? by any chance ;) ) and using parental controls, you can monitor websites visited, block any sites you dont like, and set it to block all info in and out at certain times.

Im telling you this all from experience, I won my battle, will you win yours? For your sons sake, i hope not...
 
MattZani said:
Also, sure, i have to study, alot, im getting close to GCSE's, but this does not stop my Playing games on and offline for 7 or 8 hours a day, i get my revision done, i get my homework done, im still an A - A* student, and everyone i know in my class has a 360 or tPS3 too, fact is, Gaming stimulates the mind, and makes you smarter, all the dumber kids never had a games console until they were 10 or 11, i started at 5, like most of my friends.
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wow ... just .... wow
 
I really dont know what I would do without the internet. With me being only 14, i find myself somewhat mature for my age.

Now-a-days the only way I talk with my friends is through myspace or texting, even in school it is easier to text someone then to walk to their locker at the other side of school.

Of course, you are the parent and you make the final descision in the end, but I really hope it isnt complete banning from internet. I do like the timer idea, and if I got one I shure would feel better in the morning ;)
 
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