Need advice with a friend and marijuana

[idea_hamster]

I think what's missing here is any mention of how this is affecting her life. Is she:

(a) smart, independent, doing OK in school, going to classes, getting homework done, and on Friday night, hanging out with the wrong crowd and smoking up?

-or-

(b) gullible, submissive, skipping school, failing classes, and spending Wednesday afternoon sleeping it off before going home to lie to her family about where she was all day?

Scenario (a) is "experimentation" but has an significant element of danger. Scenario (b) is "life clinging to the edge of the toilet bowl and slipping."

There is a chance that (a) ends on its own and becomes the chequered past of an otherwise productive and mainstream member of society. I don't see that chance for (b).

I honestly do understand your well-founded ambivalence about contacting the authorities about her conduct, and I myself would mull this over for a long time. But if you see her in situation (b), you really have to consider making some kind of (possibly anonymous) report about this. The libertarian in me has no real problem with a bunch of adult guys smoking up in a trailer park -- that's none of my business. But when they start to derail a minor's life, that is a wholy different story. If her life looks like (b), that's what they're doing and she needs an intervention of some sort.

JMHO, of course.

 

[CompUser]

I would first talk to her parents, then to her directly, then the police.

Telling her on her is bad, it can mess up your friendship with her. Not doing anything is worse. If she is smoking and doing pot a few times a week with people much older than her, I can only see it going downhill.

Maybe if you talk to her parents quietly or send an anonymous letter to her parents (make it sound heartfelt of course), that would be the best course of action in my book.

 

[CompUser]

Ahh, let me pull out my Health Class Notes (I save all of my school work for some reason).

Here are the text book stages of drug use:

- No Use: Not using, might be curious

- Experimentation: Done in secret, possibly with others 2-3 times in total. Drugs obtained from friends or family

- Social/Recreational: Has rules of using drug (i.e. only on weekends or at parties)

- Seeking: Uses drugs when ever they want, 1-2 times a week. Drug used such as alcohol or marijuana cope with problems. Person gets wasted, grades change, friends change, MAY need help to quit

- Harmfully Involved: Uses drugs regularly, part of lifestyle. Owns paraphernalia, people notice change, user thinks the drug helps them, NEED help to stop

- Addiction/Dependence: Urgent to get high, uses drug daily, cannot stop, loses contact with society, will use anything to get high or get money to buy (stealing). MUST get help to stop



What would you rate your friend?

 

[Lebowski]

And no, i dont want into her pants like most guys would

clearly.



son, dont kid yourself. we are not all young dumb kids here. you like her. otherwise you wouldnt give 2 sh*ts either way. face it.


and to all these people saying to talk to the cops....

are you kidding me? seriously, you sound like a bunch of old hags calling the police on the kids down the street.

i dont think you can just call up the cops and say, hey, there is a minor smoking pot, can you go bust her please... by the way, tell her parents Im a good guy and she should date me.....


give me a break.

this thread is by far the SADDEST thing i have seen on the interweb in years.

 

[adk]

EDIT: People who are currently doing marijuana need not give advice. I dont need any comments that are going to start a flame on legalization, etc...I just need some advice

Ok, first off, that's like a woman saying "I'm considering having an abortion but I only want to hear advice from pro life people."


Anyways, Don't worry about the boozing and getting high, worry about the person. If she has any sort of common sense she won't get into any trouble, she'll just loosen up every once in a while (which may also help you). Pot isn't a gateway drug, the pot community is a gateway atmosphere. If she's a smart girl she'll be fine. If she's an idiot and you try and stop her, she'll end up doing something else stupid anyways.

 

[jsw]

Its like, do I want her to hate me, or do i want to sit back and watch her die. I need some advice here

Is it really that difficult to choose between those two?

I disagree that this is just typical teenage experimentation. This is going to lead to sex, "consensual" or not, which will legally be rape regardless and which likely won't involve much in the way of protection. It could lead to worse. It might not.

Regardless of whether this leads to use of harder drugs is almost irrelevant. She's a 15 year old partying with 21-year-old guys.

I think you'd feel a lot better if she hated you because you told her parents or told the cops than you would if she was raped. Those guys aren't getting her drunk and stoned just because they enjoy her witty repartee.

are you kidding me? seriously, you sound like a bunch of old hags calling the police on the kids down the street.

Yeah, you're a real role model for friends everywhere.

 

[Lebowski]

Yeah, you're a real role model for friends everywhere.

dude, this is a joke. this guy is upset she doesnt hang out with him (probably because he is a super square).

its alot of blown out of proportion nonsense.

if she truely is putting herself in a dangerous situation, then sure, its warrented. but i have a spidey sense that this is not the case.

jealousy is a dangerous drug too....

 

[ibook30]

i dont think you can just call up the cops and say, hey, there is a minor smoking pot, can you go bust her please...

Good point - besides if she gets a nasty criminal record it'd be your fault.

If you got a friend in trouble, be there for them.

 

[OutThere]

In my experience, most of the thrill of 'experimenting' is the fact that it's not allowed.

The thrill comes from the fact that her parents/teachers/society don't approve of what she is doing, and she is flaunting authority.

Assuming you're as close of friends as you say you are, I would guess that another big part of the problem is that you disapprove of her activities, and that she is getting a thrill out of defying your authority along with that of everyone else.

If you want to make a change, your attitude is going to have to change, from 'holier-than-thou' to that of a friend.

 

[Transic]

*

 

[cait-sith]

She's probably hanging out with these older guys because she feels cool doing so. That's her choice. At fifteen, she should realize it's not a good idea to get high around a bunch of creepy older dudes. However, if she's not intelligent enough or willing to realize what's going on, nothing you can do will help her.

You're not going to convince her of anything. Be happy it's not your life, and get over it. Be there to listen, and let her know you think it's a bad idea, but don't be her mother. She's already got one.

 

[cait-sith]

second, you dont "do pot" just like you dont "do" cigarettes, or "do" beer. you sound like you are 70 not 17.

Didn't you call him a super square? That's pretty dated.

 

[Xander562]

Ignore the [potential] romance issue. It's not relevant.

Get her parents involved.

If that doesn't work, then go to your cop friend, but explain to him your need for discretion.

When she grows up she might realizing you were being a real friend and thank you for it. If not, then all you get is the satisfaction that you helped get her out of this mess.

i would not go to the parents or the police.

i'm assuming you go to the same school? does it have a Care Center of any sort, because at mine, you can get help for a friend (anonymously) and they get the friend help. if it's with drugs/something contreversial, you can request that the parents not be told what is happening, because it could be a very hard time in a person's life and parents sometimes only make it worse. i would suggest going to a center at your school or something and see if it can be totally anonymous, so that her friends dont know either (unless they arlready do)

 

[Atlasland]

dude, this is a joke. this guy is upset she doesnt hang out with him (probably because he is a super square).

its alot of blown out of proportion nonsense.

if she truely is putting herself in a dangerous situation, then sure, its warrented. but i have a spidey sense that this is not the case.

jealousy is a dangerous drug too....

I agree.

To the OP:

• She ain't the first girl in history to take drugs.
• She ain't the first girl in history who's wanted go with guys significantly older than her.
• And those guys won't be the first guys in history who get a girl drunk or stoned so that they can f**k her.

Face it. Some women dig that s**t. That's their call.

She doesn't fancy you. She ain't interested in you. Get over yourself Mr. Goody 2Shoes. She's gotta do what she's gotta do. If in 10 years she's bagging your groceries and has more STDs than a South African hooker, then that's her business.

If you get the cops involved, you'll be giving her a criminal record just cos you couldn't control your sexual jealousy and insecurity over a girl you ain't even dating.

 

[d wade]

weed is not a big deal. most young kids nowadays smoke weed and drink beers. my little brother is 14, and him and all his friends.. boys AND girls ages anywhere 12-17... all smoking pot and playing beer pong and stuff.

i was shocked to find out they did that so young, but theres nothing i can do... and neither can you. you have to try to help, but dont be forceful. it may be a phase, let her learn the hard way for now.

 

[j26]

You're an individual, she's an individual. The most you can do is tell her you're not happy and why (the most important bit). If she CHOOSES to go on with what she wants to do, that's her choice, and you have to respect it. If you interfere at that stage, there is no friendship being displayed by you. You are treating her as a possession rather than a person.

And I suspect you do fancy her.

 

[iJon]

Hmm, I smell the scent of jealousy. Your friend who you like is now hanging out with cool hip guys and do things that you don't approve of in your life. Why would you tell a cop, that's probably going to mess up your chances with ever getting with her and she will probably hate you forever, and for what...some pot . By the way, she isn't going to die off some pot, so you can sleep easy tonight .

On another note, I don't really condone smoking at such a young age. If I found out my future kid as smoking pot at age 15 I would probably be mad. Lucky for me I didn't get into that stuff until college, which I feel was perfect timing for me. Also, being 15 and hanging out with 21 year olds probably isn't a smart idea either. Now I've been in situations where young girls were smoking or drinking with us at party or someone's house. Although I wasn't interested in them nor wanting to date them, I can rest assured all my "pothead" friends weren't out to rape or kill her.

jon

 

[Blue Velvet]

Lately I've been having strong dreams of her when shes drunk/high(which ive never actually seen btw, but I do know she does it) she is always messed up in my dreams, and in some of my dreams she gets killed, and then I wake up. They are getting more frequent and stronger. I feel that It is my duty to do something...

Taxi Driver

 

[itcheroni]

Your friend's desire to put herself into a risky situation and smoke pot all the time most likely stem from other problems. Most pot-defensive people will immediately tell you that marijuana is not physically addictive, but it most definitely can be addictive and she probably is addicted. How? If something about her is imbalanced psycologically, like if she has untreated ADHD, depression, or other disorder that isn't being treated, the altered state of being stoned probably gives her a certain sense of clarity she doesn't have sober. Or it could numb something she doesn't want to feel emotionally. It at least is a different state that feels good. And since their normal state is worse off than the average person's normal state, being high is even better for them, hence their stronger desire to get high opposed to someone who could take or leave it.

This could also be a form of rebellion. How is her home life? Do you think her dad might be an ******? The fact that she's hanging out with 21+ guys, "bad boys," who she may be attracted to is a red flag in that area. Has she mentioned being attracted to these guys? The fact that her parents don't know she's hanging with these guys several times a week is another red flag.

And, by the way, I shouldn't have to say this but people seem to have the wrong idea about drugs; different drugs do different things. Marijuana and cocaine have two very different effects. Although she may smoke pot first and then try cocaine, it is not a progression of her needing something harder. It that were the case, she could get stronger pot. She is just trying new substances because she is curious about how that altered state will feel. Cocaine is not like marijuana but stronger. She will probably prefer one over the other and that will say a lot about her condition.

My advice? Learn more about her family life. Try to find out other possible root causes for why she feels she must seek out self-medication. Also, have you asked her, "what about if they try to rape you?" Ask her if she's interested in those guys. If she definitely doesn't want to do anything sexual with them, then you'll have to get creative. If she is sexually interested in them, you're out of luck. Definitely don't call the cops unless you feel her safety is in danger.

 

[lamina]

Was and is for at least 10 people I know.

Almost everyone at my old job started on Marijuana then went on to cocaine, OCs, Heroin, pills, acid, meth, etc. etc.

Just stating that seems like a pretty odd coincidence that basically everyone i know that started with marijuana is now doing or already has done more dangerous drugs after the marijuana.

I totally agree that marijuana is a gateway drug. It was for me, and created huge problems in my life, both with my family and finances. Also, the drugs that I moved on to (cocaine, ecstasy, GHB, LSD, pills, etc), I doubt I would have tried had it not been for pot.

Weed is an easy drug to use, just like smoking a cigarette, which is why I feel it is a dangerous drug. For kids in highschool, it is often much easier to get than cigarettes are, and once they get 'used' to the pot high, they become more open to using other drugs, just like me and many of my friends did. Thankfully with help from my parents I will be clean for 2 years this September.

 

[Dont Hurt Me]

Here is another reason to legalize marijuana in my view, to help keep it out of the hands of children. How do you control something if its underground? We heard it here its easier to get then ciggs, but like everything else govt does they have it backwards. More interested in building the police state and prisons rather then tackling the problem up front.

 

[saunders45]

While it seems most people here are jumping on the "OP is jealeous" bandwagon, from someone who has been in your situation and didn't do anything, it was a bad idea to sit on the sidelines. This was about 7 years ago, and I did like the girl, but didn't want to look like the jealous guy, so I just let her be. She ended up getting raped, officialy only once, but I'm sure there were other times. She dropped out of school, and was a wreck for some time. She later asked me why I didn't try to talk sense into her, and no answer or defense mattered. The thing is, I had known her and her family since 4th grade. I noticed a change in her demeanor, but didn't do anything. I regret that decision to this day.

Moral of the story? It does not seem that you have a holier than thou attitude. If you can talk to her parents, try that, try someone in the school. You don't have to force her to stop, but suggest it, and try to help her realize what she is doing is bad for her health, and has a good chance of ruining her life. The worst thing you can do is ignore the problem.

 

[eva01]

Here is another reason to legalize marijuana in my view, to help keep it out of the hands of children. How do you control something if its underground? We heard it here its easier to get then ciggs, but like everything else govt does they have it backwards. More interested in building the police state and prisons rather then tackling the problem up front.

christ it was easier for me to get ciggs than pot when i was younger thats for sure.

 

[Dont Hurt Me]

Thats because the law wasnt enforced. I too could walk into a store and buy ciggs when I was 12 but with todays laws and enforcement that has changed 100% so now ciggs are more difficult to buy then weed for kids. You can be fired and or fined for selling smokes to a minor.

 

[popsandfriends]

what happens if cocaine is the next thing? I know alot about weed, but I dont know much about Cocaine, its side-effects and its long term effects. Judging by the away message i read this morning, sheseither really high on pot and wrote something about snorting coke...or she did do a line. Are we moving up here?