Need advice with a friend and marijuana

[Coheebuzz]

first off, she is 15, and you are 17?

u are too old for her.


second, you dont "do pot" just like you dont "do" cigarettes, or "do" beer. you sound like you are 70 not 17.


third, you are more into her than she is to you, hence the her not hanging out with you....


fourth, get over it/her/move on.

stop trying to be everyones mother. worry about your own business.

Some good advice in this post.

Dude just my 2 cents, never tell her what to do again cause it will backfire on you. She is 15, a teenager in her peak. I understand your concerns since you care about her, but the way you talk to her will only drive her away from you, which is already happening i suppose.

In her eyes you have become the system, the authority and the rules. She sees her new friends as the opposite of that, and who likes rules anyway? If you continue this approach then she will stop telling you anything about it. Typical teenage stuff.

Btw you should 'experiment' too sometimes. This is not a movie and not smoking and drinking does not make you the correct/better person. NO drug is dangerous when not abused. Basically anything that you abuse whether its a drug or a food or a cola drink will cause trouble in the long run. Thats the only advice i would give her.

 

[Coheebuzz]

what happens if cocaine is the next thing? I know alot about weed, but I dont know much about Cocaine, its side-effects and its long term effects. Judging by the away message i read this morning, sheseither really high on pot and wrote something about snorting coke...or she did do a line. Are we moving up here?

Coke is a bitch. Tough drug to beat as everyone chases that first high but can't get it. You need friends and lots of support to get off coke, but you have to want it first too.

 

[yellow]

You could just let her live her own life and make her own mistakes and deal with her own consequences, no?

 

[killuminati]

OK this is what I think...

Don't knock her for getting crunk. There's nothing wrong with that and it's normal for 15 year olds to experiment.

But...

you definately should be worried about her hanging out with 21 year olds in their trailers. Even if she weren't under the influence of anything I'd still be worried about that.

I wouldn't suggest going to the police because the drug/alcohol thing in my mind isn't the issue here. What I would do though is maybe try and get her to talk to somebody else like a school counselor maybe. Just whoever you try and get her to talk to, don't bring up the drug/alcohol thing, it might make her resistant to getting help and could get her a criminal I think in the US.

 

[Sharewaredemon]

Ignore the [potential] romance issue. It's not relevant.

Get her parents involved.

If that doesn't work, then go to your cop friend, but explain to him your need for discretion.

When she grows up she might realizing you were being a real friend and thank you for it. If not, then all you get is the satisfaction that you helped get her out of this mess.

This might very well be the most to the point and relevant advice in the thread.

 

[Blue Velvet]

You could just let her live her own life and make her own mistakes and deal with her own consequences, no?

Agreed.

popsandfriends, your advice to her is obviously unwelcome. Circumventing that by going to another authority figure is a guaranteed way to lose a friend.

She has never asked for your 'help' and to my way of thinking, you are displaying an overly prurient interest in her matters and displaying a messiah-like complex in the way in which you want to seem to save her from potential threats, real or imagined.

 

[Josh]

oh, i didnt know about creepy stalker adult preying on naive 15 year olds rule... my bad.

carry on then.

You do relize that he is 17 and the people she is hanging out with are 21?

But hey, he's a non-smoking pinko commie - let's make him the bad guy!

As far as what to do - tell her you don't like it and that, as her friend, you're worried.

If she is truly your friend and truly cares about you, your concerns and worries will be concerns of hers and she will take you seriously.

If she ignores you, which is most likely to happen, then you know who your real friends are.

She doesn't have to stop smoking weed to be your friend, but I can assure you getting her high and drunk are not the only intentions of those guys.

But you lose a lot of friends growing up...I've lost almost all of mine for reasons nearly identical to this. They hung out at trailer parks getting drunk and high with older guys after school, I played football. Two different routes that lead to totally different places.

You go your different routes and if the friendship ends, it does. But when 15-year old friends pick weed, alcohol, and random sex over their friends, it wasn't much of a friendship in the first place and its ending is more of a gain to you than a loss.

If you were really that close of friends, this wouldn't be an issue at all. Simply stand up for her and tell those guys to stay clear away from her - and mean it.

Otherwise...well, like I said..

 

[popsandfriends]

Her parents are seperated, her dad lives somewhere and knows nothing of her life. She lives with her mom but as one of my freinds dad's said "She has no authority figure in her life, if she did I think she would be an ok girl." her mom doesnt know about any of this, I think if she found out she would flip or do something....i dont quite know really. Im actually thinking about talking to my friends dad about this. This girl hangs out with his daughter after all, and he has a bit of a hint that they smoke, but he doesnt know the half of it.

 

[killuminati]

Her parents are seperated, her dad lives somewhere and knows nothing of her life. She lives with her mom but as one of my freinds dad's said "She has no authority figure in her life, if she did I think she would be an ok girl." her mom doesnt know about any of this, I think if she found out she would flip or do something....i dont quite know really. Im actually thinking about talking to my friends dad about this. This girl hangs out with his daughter after all, and he has a bit of a hint that they smoke, but he doesnt know the half of it.

That's a good way to lose two friends. I don't think either of those girls would like you if you went to one of their dads and started talking to him about them, telling him the things they do. I'm starting to think you should just drop the whole thing and let her be.

 

[itcheroni]

Her parents are seperated, her dad lives somewhere and knows nothing of her life. She lives with her mom but as one of my freinds dad's said "She has no authority figure in her life, if she did I think she would be an ok girl." her mom doesnt know about any of this, I think if she found out she would flip or do something....i dont quite know really. Im actually thinking about talking to my friends dad about this. This girl hangs out with his daughter after all, and he has a bit of a hint that they smoke, but he doesnt know the half of it.

That sucks. I was suspecting the dad was either a jerk or completely out of the picture. Sounds cliche but it's true, not having a good father figure is definitely a factor. It's normal to experiment as a 15 year old but her specific situation reeks of trying to fill a void. It's a bit messed up how nonchalant she is about the other guys "touching her." A normal girl either tells someone to back off or wants them to touch her because she's likes them; she doesn't act like it's no big deal. Life is a lot more like the song Daughters by John Mayer than you realize.

Looks like there isn't much you can do. You can't tell her what to do but maybe you can suggest, in a non confrontational way, that she sees a conselor or a therapist. Maybe I just forget what it's like to be 15, but I don't think I'd be insulted if a friends asked me to try one. Because it's someone to talk to about things I know will be kept confidential.

Just to let you know I speak from experience. I've smoked pot regularly for 5 years now. In fact, I'm going to light a bowl right after I finish typing this. Although most of my friends could take or leave it, I enjoy it much more than they do and feel more of a compulsion to be stoned all the time. I took an antidepressant a few months ago and suddenly that compulsion was gone. I could just smoke pot recreationally one a week or so and that was fine. My relationship with my father is not a good one, but I'm a guy so my problems are exhibited differently. I notice I have the same anger issues as my father, no doubt learned from him growing up. Her total lack of understanding about how to deal with those guys is a reflection of not having any measure of what a guy should be.

Then again, maybe I just listen to Loveline too often.

 

[quigleybc]

DO NOT get the cops involved.

DO NOT betray her trust and tell her parents.

DO try and go out with her, meet these friends at the trailor park, and when they pass you the weed, just say, "nah...I'm good..." no one will care if you pass on it!! trust me, no one will think you're a dork for saying no thanks....simply because it means MORE for them....truth.

That way, you can see what kind of scene she's gotten into. And you can gain some credibilty with her because she knows that you know what she knows...you know?

Get involved in a friendly way, hold her hair for her when she's hangin over the toilet.....getting F'd up when you're younger HAPPENS!! If you make a big deal about it, she'll just blow you off and do her thing regardless...Show interest, hang out and see what happens...If you go the NARC route, ie, talking to cops, her parents ect...she will HATE you for a long time, possibly forever.


.02

 

[d wade]

DO NOT get the cops involved.

DO NOT betray her trust and tell her parents.

no one will care if you pass on it!! trust me, no one will think you're a dork for saying no thanks....simply because it means MORE for them....truth.

If you go the NARC route, ie, talking to cops, her parents ect...she will HATE you for a long time, possibly forever.

everything he said is true. i smoke alot of ganga, and whenever i ask someone to hit whatever we are smoking, i always want them to say no because then there is more for me.. its the absolute truth.

and whatever you do... DO NOT BE A NARC.

 

[Skeeball236]

del

 

[Transic]

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[0098386]

I hope you aren't suggesting that marijuana is a gateway drug...

Was for every single druggy I know. Though it's not a lot I must admit-

D got into drugs at about 15. He's now 20 and on much heavier stuff.
J got into drugs very young. half of our band left because of his overuse of drugs. I think he's sorted himself out now and his band is getting very popular
J2 moved abroad as his money went further. God knows what happened. He worked for about a year then fled to Denmark or somewhere with the sole aim to spend it all on his addiction. rather strange situation really. would make for a good film, not a teeny comedy one though.

oh and my brother. Started smoking at 13. cannabis by 14. the furthest I know for sure he went was ecstasy, the furthest I believe he has gone is speed. he has definitely stolen to feed his addiction; my phone, aunts money from wallet, parents money etc. Interestingly he doesn't drink.

I'd say it's a gateway drug from experience. I'd also say smoking cigarettes young and peer pressure are also contributors. but my mates did drugs, those 3 examples above were very close mates of mine. they asked me if I wanted some. but i've always been in full control.

 

[killuminati]

For you people saying that marijuana is a gateway drug, you've never mentioned how many peple you know that smoke up but have never tried anything else. Almost everyone I know is like that, adults and people my age.

 

[quigleybc]

I feel bad for marijuana...

All those dope heads out there.....of course they started with MJ....not many addicts are gonna start by going straight for the mainline....so Marijuana gets a bad rap from those bad apples....and then people call it a "gateway" drug....you know what's a "gateway" drug...? Heroin...cut to the chase...

 

[cait-sith]

Perhaps it's not marijuana that leads to heavy drug use, but it is usually a starting point -- because it's somewhat innocuous compared to drugs like cocaine and heroin.

For people that experiment with drugs, I'd assume marijuana and alcohol (which is a drug, thank you) are the starting points. How far you go is dependant on your personality and environment.

I doubt anyone that goes from marijuana to cocaine and other hard drugs has marijuana to blame -- rather, they have themselves.

 

[itcheroni]

While we're on the topic, I found some pot in my closet just now. By my estimate, it is most likely 2 years old. And guess what? I works exactly as it should. No mold or anything. Amazing. It reminded me of that Simpsons episode where Homer is about to take Bart and Milhaus to a Spinal Tap concert and, while wearing his old jacket, finds a can of Billy Beer and immediately starts drinking it.

 

[quigleybc]

While we're on the topic, I found some pot in my closet just now. By my estimate, it is most likely 2 years old. And guess what? I works exactly as it should.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[d wade]

While we're on the topic, I found some pot in my closet just now. By my estimate, it is most likely 2 years old. And guess what? I works exactly as it should. No mold or anything. Amazing.

man. i bet it was stale as hell though. i got a lil over a 1/4 last week. and its already old to me. lol.. i couldnt imagine 2 years (unless it was regs... but only the 'true homies' smoke regs)

 

[bradc]

Weed in its entirety isn't bad, in fact Cigarettes&Alcohol are worse. But if it affects the people you hang around with-ie the 21yr olds & she's 15, that's just wrong, completely wrong. I understand that you feel this girl has potential to be someone better, but at the same time, you have to realize that you yourself, can only do so much. As much as you want to tell her, it's her decision, her life.

 

[poppe]

I acctually went through a simialr situation...

Me and a girl were begging to be intimate when she began smoking... I didn't mind her smoking, but it lead to her lying that she did, lying where she was and lying about everything...

I asked her to smoke with me, but she wouldn't.

She was a crush of mine, and I hated her being out with classmates that had told me they get girls high to sleep with. I even explained that to her but she said they would never do that.

One thing you must keep in mind is you are the enemy. No matter what people say on here she will see you as the enemy when you ask her to change in any way; whether that be smoking with you, not smoking, etc.

She told me that it was the only friends she had, and thats all they do. She would say things like "Am I suppose to just not see them?" or "Am I supposed to just sit there doing nothing why they all are"...

If you are truly just a good friend and do not like her, then the future with this ordeal will be much easier.
I look back and wish I would have left... I wish I would have walked away and never looked back, but because I had such feelings for her I couldn't have...

Probably the hardest part of all when someone is going through a situation like this, is that you are just so disappointed... I was disappointed in her, and I'm so disappointed in myself.

To clarify how I felt then I give Early Novemeber Lyrics: Sunday Drive.

And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the sight of the car,
Tells me everything and how we are.
Is there no more trying to make this so right.
There's no more trying tonight.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.

I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me one time.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.

Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.

We'll never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
Until you're done.

Because this is a forum I am faceless and unknown, but the one or two close friends I had never caught my back in this situation because they thought I was stupid for staying with her.

I'm disappointed on myself because one night at about 11 I got off from work. She called and asked me to come over to a party. I hadn't known she was smoking yet, but I soon realized it when I got to the party. We hung for a little bit, but I was kicked out not to long because the guys didn't like me there. As I was leaving I asked her if she would come with me. I said I'd take her anywhere she wanted to go, if she would just leave. She said she couldn't because she promised she'd stay the night at the party with her friend.
I found myself sad she wouldn't leave. I knew my mom would notice my sadness, so I crashed at a friends. At 7 a.m. she called me sounding upset but I couldn't tell. She asked if I'd stop by her house after work to see her.
When I got to her house she was very quite and I could feel something coming... Soon after sitting in the dark she explained she slept with someone.
I'm disappointed because if I wouldn't have tried to play the nice guy this would have never happened.
You really get a perspective on your life when you are sitting in Plan Parent Hood, waiting to get the morning after pill, and she looks and you with her tear filled eyes and says "if they ask for some reason, will you say we are boyfriend and Girlfriend and the condom broke?"

I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm whining or whatever, I just wanted to you some are out there with similar situations...

Eventually she went back to smoking, and I told her I wouldn't be with her anymore. And luckily she realized to get off.

If this girl doesn't have deep feelings for you, leaving won't help her, just save your from something like my situation. And if you stay and try to protect her you'll only threaten your friendship. In this situation you can only go with gut feelings, closed eyes, and crossed finger.

And by the way all the people telling you weed isnt bad and you are a square. Well weed isn't bad. It's acctually alot of fun, but when someone get's like the girl in my life did, then weed doesn't become such a great thing.
The people that keep telling you stuff like that will not understand and advice will be hard to find. I never found any accept, I'm stupid to try to stop her. Let her have her fun, and if you don't like it leave.

Good luck, and I"m sorry for spelling errors or anythign else wrong. tried typing fast.

 

[it5five]

Thats because the law wasnt enforced. I too could walk into a store and buy ciggs when I was 12 but with todays laws and enforcement that has changed 100% so now ciggs are more difficult to buy then weed for kids. You can be fired and or fined for selling smokes to a minor.

Are you kidding? It's still really easy for kids to get cigs, probably easier than pot. Most kids in Highschool know older friends, if not, they just ask someone in the parking lot to buy them for them. I'd see it all the time, kids handing older kids money (of course, if we see it, we can't sell it, but anyone that isn't dumb just gives it to their friends in the car).

And for the OP, you've talked to your friend, and she doesn't seem to care much. She's made her choice. Just stop talking to her for a bit and then she'll have to decide what's more important, the pot or her friend. You shouldn't go to the cops or her parents.

Also, don't try experimenting with that stuff just so you can be "cool" with her. I know where you're coming from since I absolutely hate drinking/parties/smoking. Everyone who does it thinks they are the ultimate badass, so whatever. I have plenty of fun without all of that. I don't need to be friends with people that lame.

 

[poppe]

Are you kidding? It's still really easy for kids to get cigs. Most kids in Highschool know older friends, if not, they just ask someone in the parking lot to buy them for them. I'd see it all the time, kids handing older kids money (of course, if we see it, we can't sell it, but anyone that isn't dumb just gives it to their friends in the car).

we'd wait at a gas station for a guy like this one and give him Ten Bucks extra if he got use hard alcohol. We never got turned down.