I fundamentally disagree with every point you’ve tried to make.
Let’s break it down.
You say:
Most Pros don’t care about any of this. What they care about it getting the job done. Computers are tools. Means to an end. Regardless of specs or design, the question that will be asked is “Can I do my work better with this device?”
This is your personal opinion masquerading as majority opinion. Dare I say gaslighting even? Even if what you stated were true, how many members of these forums are actually buying one of these machines? How many are professionals, in the sense that they use their MacBooks to make money? I don’t know and neither do you. However my takeaway from the reaction since Monday’s announcement is that some people have some concerns about a few things but your assertion that these new MacBooks have ‘not much more function’ is absurd.
Once again, it‘s your opinion and not the objectively the majority opinion. It may not be Apple’s most pleasing aesthetic design but put it alongside almost any competitor’s like-for-like offering and it would win-out in a beauty contest.
Exclusively USB-C in 2016? Yeah, okay…
Look, this computer is not going to be the right choice for everybody. It’s not supposed to be. And, in my opinion, that’s a good thing. Apple have, for quite a number of years now, tried to please too many people with each product launch especially in the Mac lineup. The biggest example being the ‘trash-can’ Mac Pro. While an amazing piece of industrial design, it completely missed the mark in terms of utility and its supposed target audience.
If you want a pretty, small, light yet still extremely-capable laptop, the 13” MacBook Pro and MacBook Airs are still available with the latter likely to soon see a refresh. If, however, you want a laptop designed for getting heavy-lifting done then the new MacBook Pros are hopefully a very solid choice. No, the notch won’t be to everybody’s liking but overall there’s very little of substance to complain about. HDMI 2.0 might be a little disappointing but, outside of gaming, is anybody really crying out for 4K@120Hz? If so, there’s the option of DisplayPort over USB-C. The inclusion of an HDMI port is great for hooking up to a projector or display screen for a presentation. So, not ideal, but a showstopper for very few and one fewer dongle to carry around.