For me, the M5 with more RAM for local LLMs is the move. I’m not waiting for the M6. Why try to “improve” perfection with a touchscreen… or whatever Touch Bar zombie revival they’re planning? If I want touch, I’ll buy an iPad. That product already exists—and it doesn’t wobble when I breathe on it.
Try pressing your current Mac’s screen. It wobbles left to right like it’s a private in basic training doing tai chi drills. How are they planning to handle constant poking? Counterweights? Titanium-reinforced hinges? A motivational poster?
And fingerprints—forget it. Right now, the keyboard heroically absorbs grease when the lid is closed. Touchscreen Mac? Your screen becomes so ugly it could be a modern art masterpiece… a kind of “I survived the grease apocalypse” tribute to humanity’s failure.
Enter ClothOS, the new operating system Apple absolutely didn’t need. Powered by the new, “improved” Siri, your screen cleaning is now a full combat simulation:
“Hey Siri, clean screen.”
Siri responds:
“Affirmative, soldier. Deploying microfiber protocol. Also, your fingerprints are an affront to civilization.”
For the elite operators, Apple introduces:
- Cloth Pro – Cleans your screen like a boot camp drill sergeant, but still leaves a streak of shame.
- Cloth Pro Max – Heavier, louder, and 37% more expensive than sense.
- Cloth Pro Ultra – Polishes fingerprints you haven’t even made yet, yells at you for bad posture, and requires you to salute while wiping.
ClothOS features include:
- Smudge Detection AI – Pinpoints every mark, logs it, and files a report on your life choices.
- Adaptive Wiping – Tells you to wipe harder, slower, or diagonally depending on mood.
- Always-On Cleaning – Your screen will never look clean, but it’s thinking about cleaning, which Apple assures us is “therapeutic.”
Battery life drops 12% every time you speak. Asking for cleaning advice triggers a full tactical simulation. Siri may call in air support. You will probably die inside.
Meanwhile, I’ll take the M5 with obscene RAM, run local LLMs, and keep my hands on the keyboard. The M6 touchscreen? Let it suck it up like a recruit in the mud pit. I’ll be over here, actually getting work done, not screaming at a laptop like it owes me my soul.