Let's look at the facts here and come to the most reasonable conclusion:
He know there is rumor of a "security scan" being required on our phones.
We know there is no DATA coming in to provide information as to where the phones are.
We have a clearinghouse of information giving names, tracking data, phone models etc in this very thread.
The number of times we post here, refresh the browser, etc is all trackable via cookies and other surveillance methods.
I can come to no other conclusions than our current phones have become sentient, used this thread to find the flight our phone are on, and are doing everything in their power to slow the slow incessant march toward being obsolete that these shipments symbolize.
DESTROY YOUR OLD PHONE AND ALL THIS GOES AWAY. NEW PHONES ON MONDAY FOR EVERYONE!!
(I'd say just take the battery out, but, well, y'know...)