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Parents confront me about being gay
- Thread starter Shaun.P
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I just wanted to make sure this was properly interpreted: the heat of the wallet when you wear it will break down the latex over time. Probably was clear already...reh said:
Thank you so much for the advice. It is my birthday (I'm 19 ) on Sunday and they are taking me out for dinner. I don't think I could handle that. What if they bring it up? I would have to leave. I'm going to say I don't feel well or something.
The best way to handle it is to preemptively mention that you know there are things you need to discuss but don't want to talk about them during the dinner.
Your parents love you - clearly - and are trying to cope with this too. As tough as it is, working through this conversation with them will help you deal with similar situations in the future. You can't go wrong except by ignoring it now that it's out. It'll get a lot easier within a minute of starting the conversation. It's the starting part that's difficult.
Your parents love you - clearly - and are trying to cope with this too. As tough as it is, working through this conversation with them will help you deal with similar situations in the future. You can't go wrong except by ignoring it now that it's out. It'll get a lot easier within a minute of starting the conversation. It's the starting part that's difficult.
I don't think they'd offer to take you out just to make a scene.FearFactor47 said:
The communication needs to go both ways. If they want to talk about it, just let them know it makes you uncomfortable but that you are willing to give it a shot.
Sounds as though you have a great dad. I'd always wished for one of those. 
I've been in plenty of unusual situations and you just keep going as if you're in a school test that you just can't leave until completion. You relax and answer the questions and eventually, you finish and can leave. You may not get all of the answers right but you'll have completed the test and it'll be done, at least.
If nothing else, be glad that two more people know. It should be a terrific weight off your shoulders. Telling parents is often the thing that never happens.
<hugs>
I've been in plenty of unusual situations and you just keep going as if you're in a school test that you just can't leave until completion. You relax and answer the questions and eventually, you finish and can leave. You may not get all of the answers right but you'll have completed the test and it'll be done, at least.
If nothing else, be glad that two more people know. It should be a terrific weight off your shoulders. Telling parents is often the thing that never happens.
<hugs>
Well your father seems to have taken it very well. Have your talked to your mother about going through you phone? If you haven't it might help. Maybe you could even have your father sit in and help mediate the conversation.
My father never mentions the fact I am gay. In fact, he still gives a little pause each time he has to say: "So, are you bringing Michael with you to dinner on Sunday?" The fact is, though, that he's trying...like your parents.
Good luck, just be calm - your parents appear to be generally alright with the whole "my son is gay" situation.
My situation was priceless:
Mom: So who do you have a date with? What's her name?
Me: Cody.
Mom: Oh....I had no idea you were gay. I had sex with a woman once...but you're right, men are way hotter.
My mother is hilarious.
Hey, it could be a lot worse!
Oh, and happy early birthday.
My father never mentions the fact I am gay. In fact, he still gives a little pause each time he has to say: "So, are you bringing Michael with you to dinner on Sunday?" The fact is, though, that he's trying...like your parents.
Good luck, just be calm - your parents appear to be generally alright with the whole "my son is gay" situation.
My situation was priceless:
Mom: So who do you have a date with? What's her name?
Me: Cody.
Mom: Oh....I had no idea you were gay. I had sex with a woman once...but you're right, men are way hotter.
My mother is hilarious.Hey, it could be a lot worse!
Oh, and happy early birthday.
FearFactor47 said:
That's just parenting. I'm straight and female and I got the 'condom' chat
Your Mum shouldn't have gone through your phone but perhaps she was worried about something else? If your behaviour has changed - being out late etc - she may have been worried that you were taking drugs or getting into trouble.
Your parents at least sound as if they're trying to be understanding. Go for dinner - they're not going to make a scene. They're trying to show you that they still love you, respect you and still want to celebrate things with you.
i was sixteen when i first told my parents. of course, i was at exeter then (boarding school), and had already been involved with another kid in my dorm for over a year. my parents didn't have any problems with it, and they don't today. but there is a certain awkwardness to it. just hearing them talk about it even. but that's something i've gotten used to.
now that your parents are aware, i don't think the means through which they found out are really all that relevant. what's important is that you're comfortable with yourself. i mean, i can tell you from experience that there's nothing worse than feeling forced into being something that your not. forced to wear masks and to hide your inner self. it's torture.
don't let anything anyone else ever says or does bring you down. you are your own individual with hopes and dreams and fears and passions. and only you can dictate the path that's right for you. don't let anyone take that away from you. you're gonna be alright. of this i have no doubt. just remember this little bit of advice. three basic words that kept me sane through all of the drama and angst that was high school: gay is good.
and i'll leave you with that.
now that your parents are aware, i don't think the means through which they found out are really all that relevant. what's important is that you're comfortable with yourself. i mean, i can tell you from experience that there's nothing worse than feeling forced into being something that your not. forced to wear masks and to hide your inner self. it's torture.
don't let anything anyone else ever says or does bring you down. you are your own individual with hopes and dreams and fears and passions. and only you can dictate the path that's right for you. don't let anyone take that away from you. you're gonna be alright. of this i have no doubt. just remember this little bit of advice. three basic words that kept me sane through all of the drama and angst that was high school: gay is good.
and i'll leave you with that.
You feel embarrased and uncomfortable around your father now. As time goes by that will pass, and I´m sure you all will get along better in the end.
I do understand that it´s difficult for you now though. Problem with these things is that it´s often "never a right time" to bring it up. Be glad that it´s out in the open and your parents are taking it quite well.
Unacceptable of your mother to go through your phone though.
Best of luck to you, hope it turns out for the better
I do understand that it´s difficult for you now though. Problem with these things is that it´s often "never a right time" to bring it up. Be glad that it´s out in the open and your parents are taking it quite well.
Unacceptable of your mother to go through your phone though.
Best of luck to you, hope it turns out for the better
Ugh. That sounds like the most awful, awkward moment! But, as the others have said, it's over now and things can only get better. You mentioned that you didn't feel particularly close to your parents - well perhaps this barrier being out the way will help to address that issue.
You'll never have to think about telling them ever again now, it's done and dusted, and they didn't go ballistic. That's probably not much comfort right now, but at least it's over.
You'll never have to think about telling them ever again now, it's done and dusted, and they didn't go ballistic. That's probably not much comfort right now, but at least it's over.
*hug* You're going through a very stressful time, but isn't it also a good thing that both you and your parents are getting to terms with this? It could have been so much worse.
You said you weren't ready to tell your dad, but give him a bit of credit as well. He did say all the right things. Even the part about condoms is sensible advice, even if it's awkward for you. He's being a responsible parent and he shows that he cares about you.
Your mums phone snooping was wrong, but it also shows that she cares. You say you don't feel close to your mum and dad. If you've been more distant than usual lately combined with recent your change in behaviour (going out to drink), it must have made her her concerned and worried.
By the sound if it you're not comfortable with the fact that you're gay, yet. You may even be ashamed of it, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. I want to congratulate you on getting this far. Don't worry. This will all work out fine. I've been through much of the same. Just don't push your parents too far away in the process. They sound like mostly good and caring parents, and remember to thank your dad for the talk when you're ready.
You said you weren't ready to tell your dad, but give him a bit of credit as well. He did say all the right things. Even the part about condoms is sensible advice, even if it's awkward for you. He's being a responsible parent and he shows that he cares about you.
Your mums phone snooping was wrong, but it also shows that she cares. You say you don't feel close to your mum and dad. If you've been more distant than usual lately combined with recent your change in behaviour (going out to drink), it must have made her her concerned and worried.
By the sound if it you're not comfortable with the fact that you're gay, yet. You may even be ashamed of it, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. I want to congratulate you on getting this far. Don't worry. This will all work out fine. I've been through much of the same. Just don't push your parents too far away in the process. They sound like mostly good and caring parents, and remember to thank your dad for the talk when you're ready.
You have a decision to make: You can get all pissed,throw a tantrum and focus solely on the invasion of your privacy because you mother went through your cellphone or you can focus on the acceptance your father is offering. Your very lucky. Nobody disowned you, threw you out of the house, cried, shouted threats etc. By the way, your father was not treating you like an idiot by giving you a lecture aoubt safe sex. Theres a reason there's an AIDs epidemic. People, gay and straight, act like idiots all the time when sex is involved. Get over yourself and start developing a relationship with your father who seems to be reaching out to you.
Sorry if this seems harsh but in my job I see teens every day who would die a thousand deaths to have someone accept their sexuality. To accept them for who they are. Your father seems to know who you are, accepts that, and is reaching out to you. Your mother? Well, as stated before, some mothers are like that.
Sorry if this seems harsh but in my job I see teens every day who would die a thousand deaths to have someone accept their sexuality. To accept them for who they are. Your father seems to know who you are, accepts that, and is reaching out to you. Your mother? Well, as stated before, some mothers are like that.
good luck i hope that you and your family are able to get through this awkward situation and learn to accept each other and love one another
For everyone who thinks that it is absolutely despicable that a FearFactor47's mother went through his cell phone info, just try to put yourself in her perspective. Try to look through her eyes. What would you do if you had a child that you were concerned for and were afraid for their safety. Would you not try to protect them (I'm postulating that at this point she didn't know about the gay friend and was concerned wholly about FearFactor47's health, thus protect). Would you do almost anything to help your child, even if later when you look back on it you can see that it probably wasn't the most appropriate action (though this can only be determined after the fact of actually doing it). So yes, going through his phone was a infiltrating action, but if you were in her situation could you not find yourself doing something similar???
obeygiant said:
This is exactly what I hate about the words homo/bisexual. It makes people think that all people like us do is screw all the time.
vniow said:This is exactly what I hate about the words homo/bisexual. It makes people think that all people like us do is screw all the time.
I wish.
Just think of it this way:
It was going to happen eventually and after awhile you'll be glad that its over with.
It was going to happen eventually and after awhile you'll be glad that its over with.
Well now they know... nothing there really to do(i would guess as i have never gone throught it)
My brothers friend(just a friend) told his parnets he was and got kicked out of the house for a little by his dad, but eventual his dad got over it.... be thankful your parnets handled it then way they did.... they will come to openly be fine with it.
My cousin who is gay, had a baby and has a life partner... her father was pretty relgious(read christian) but he got over it.. sometime the older people in the family have a problem with it but they get over it because it not really a big deal for family members.. it real about you(or in my story's case my cousin)
Best of luck.. and i'm sure you parnets will accept you for you
My brothers friend(just a friend) told his parnets he was and got kicked out of the house for a little by his dad, but eventual his dad got over it.... be thankful your parnets handled it then way they did.... they will come to openly be fine with it.
My cousin who is gay, had a baby and has a life partner... her father was pretty relgious(read christian) but he got over it.. sometime the older people in the family have a problem with it but they get over it because it not really a big deal for family members.. it real about you(or in my story's case my cousin)
Best of luck.. and i'm sure you parnets will accept you for you
It goes with the lifestyle... or is it the agenda? I forget.vniow said:This is exactly what I hate about the words homo/bisexual. It makes people think that all people like us do is screw all the time.