Parents getting a divorce

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by TSE, May 16, 2009.

  1. TSE macrumors 68030

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    #1
    Alright, well. Today, out of nowhere my parents get in a huge fight and now my dad is going out to our lakehome with everything he owns. My mom threatened that they are getting a divorce, claimed he was an abuser and my dad didn't seem to care.

    I love both of them just as much. I really want them to stay together, should I even bother? :(:(:(:(
     
  2. jmann macrumors 604

    jmann

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    #2
    Nothing you can do will change their minds. It is their business, and they are going to make the decision that is the best for them. It may be hard but you've just go along with it. I know, my parents went through a divorce also.
     
  3. r.j.s Moderator emeritus

    r.j.s

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    #3
    Sorry to hear that, my parents went through a divorce, but it was after I was out of the house ... I take it you haven't moved out yet?

    Either way, it isn't easy to take, and you will often find yourself in awkward situations in the middle of their arguments. My best advice is to find someone whom is a good listener, someone you can vent to and just tell them everything on your mind to get it out there.
     
  4. TSE thread starter macrumors 68030

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    #4
    I am not out of the house. I am 15. I have two younger brothers, and two older brothers. The oldest brother is the only one out of the house.
     
  5. swingerofbirch macrumors 68030

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    #5
    Whoa. That was not appropriate of them; I'm sorry you had to see that.

    How old are you?

    Did your mother tell you your father had abused her?

    Let us know how you are. You may want to tell someone at school you can talk to, perhaps a guidance counselor.

    If they are having issues they should be dealing with them privately and telling you information at the appropriate time. Dosage, timing, and tact are the keys, and it sounds like they didn't live up to that, which is OK, people will make mistakes, including your parents.

    But, if they continue showing erratic behavior and not explaining what happened to you in a rational way, I would seek the help of someone you trust.
     
  6. TSE thread starter macrumors 68030

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    #6
    Okay, well, now my mom has my dad's car keys and is refusing to give them to my dad and is ripping off the wallpaper inside the house crying. My dad is yelling at her. Should I consider going to a friend's house tonight?
     
  7. r.j.s Moderator emeritus

    r.j.s

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    #7
    I might consider it ... it may send the message to them that you are not going to put up with their bull.
     
  8. TuffLuffJimmy macrumors G3

    TuffLuffJimmy

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    #8
    Awe man, I'm sorry to hear that. Divorces are no fun at all, but sometimes they're the only good answer to a problem. My parents weren't happy together, so they got divorced. They're still good friends though, I'm very thankful for that.

    *side note: my mom has gone through three marriages (my father was the first) and my dad has been through two. Not a single person in my family above the age of 22 has not been divorced at least once.


    That's probably the best plan of action. Leave a note, don't try and get between them in the fight.
     
  9. r.j.s Moderator emeritus

    r.j.s

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    #9
    Second that. Make sure they do know where you are, so they don't think you just up and ran away.
     
  10. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

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    #10
    Pre-menopausal hormones are a bitch to predict. I know.

    Don't respond to either one, right now. Perhaps a night or two away is a good thing, for you. And good luck.
     
  11. TSE thread starter macrumors 68030

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    #11
    Alright so my only friend that I could possibly walk to is away from town. I have nowhere to go. This is gonna be a long night.
     
  12. r.j.s Moderator emeritus

    r.j.s

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    #12
    Are you able to at least go somewhere in the house where you can't hear them?
     
  13. swingerofbirch macrumors 68030

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    #13
    Yes, I would go to a friend's house and contact your local community services board 24 hour number. They can help intervene hopefully without contacting the police. They would know which resources are right to help your parents. If you don't feel safe in your house, you shouldn't have to be there.

    I found the number for crisis services in your area. I don't mean to be overbearing, but I have been in similar stressful situations where finding the number was too overwhelming (and it actually took a long time for me to find just now). It's (612) 379-6363. I'm not saying you need to call, but it's an outlet if you need it. I'm not saying I know the answer,but they can connect you to the right resources.

    EDIT: it's not called community services board in minnesota. But that number should get you to the right place.
     
  14. cantthinkofone macrumors 65816

    cantthinkofone

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    #14
    Tell them to have their argument somewhere else. That you don't want to be a part of it.
     
  15. maclover001 macrumors 6502a

    maclover001

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    #15
    Not only did my parents get a divorce (in 2003), but I witnessed the fight that initiated it. If I remember correctly, an HP Pavilion and a PowerBook were thrown out the window.
     
  16. echeck macrumors 68000

    echeck

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    #16
    That sucks, buddy.

    Just know that it has nothing to do with you. It's between your parents, and their love for you won't be any less if they're not together.

    The fights are always tough to witness. I was there a LOT when I was little. Some of the youngest memories I have are of my mom sweeping me out of my bed after a giant fight between my parents. Good times. Heh.

    Just lay low tonight if you can't get out. The fights aren't easy to stomach, but know it has NOTHING to do with you.

    It might be time to take the nurturer role and hang with your younger brothers tonight. Make sure they're doing okay too.
     
  17. JohnMC macrumors 6502

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    #17
    I'm really sorry for you TSE. It really sucks when your parents get a divorce. You said you have some younger siblings and one older one. I don't know how old all your siblings are but if your younger brother are small, five to ten, I would advise you to stay in the house unless you are in danger. Your younger brothers are going to need someone to trust and lean on and unfortunately in divorces it often ends up being an older brother or sister, so unless your older brother is going to provide the stability it is going to have to come from you. This is probability not what you wanted to hear, but try and remember, if you were younger and your parents were yelling at each other you would want someone to "protect" you.

    John

    EDIT: I see evilgEEk said the same thing.
     
  18. yg17 macrumors G5

    yg17

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    #18
    Can you get a hotel room for the night?
     
  19. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

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    #19
    Very sorry to hear this. My parents divorced when I was very young (second grade maybe? I honestly don't remember), and my mother moved out of town, taking me with her, when I was in fourth grade. It was a very difficult time in my life, and I feel for you. All I can say is, you're not alone.
     
  20. SlasherDuff macrumors 6502a

    SlasherDuff

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    #20
    Probably not the best of advice, there is the possibility of them turning their fire on him afterwords.
     
  21. toolbox macrumors 68020

    toolbox

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    #21
    Sorry to hear this, I was in the same situation, except my parents didn't say they were getting a divorce but as some of these arguments progressed i new it may happen. It is not healthy i believe to be exposed to that kind of arguing at a young age especially if your brothers / sisters and younger then you.

    Back in 2007, early 2008 they were always fighting, over the most stupid things. Who would watch the tv, doing the dishes, who has worked the hardest at work just petty little things.

    So at that time when they started i would walk off and leave them. When ever there was a heated fight i would pick up my dinner go in my room, if we were all watching tv i would go into my room and shut the door. I didn't want to listen to it i was battling depression back when this was occurring so i didn't need it.

    Now i have moved out I don't have to hear any of it.
     
  22. Sehnsucht macrumors 65816

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    #22
    Being 15 and having to deal with BS like that from dysfunctional parents should never have to happen.

    Try to endure it another year, and get a job as soon as you turn 16. Then, after saving some money,

    [​IMG]

    Especially when the drama at home is really really really bad, that's always the best thing you can do. Get away from it and stay away, and don't let them suck you into their drama. You'll be glad you got out when you still could, trust me.
     
  23. thomahawk macrumors 6502a

    thomahawk

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    #23
    i have never expirienced a divorce between my parents

    however my friend went through this sort of similar scenario.

    i told him to confront both of the parents and ask them to settle the issue in a safe way. your sort of enacting like a marriage counselor. you should bring up the fact that this is not only hurting each other but the kids (you and your brothers) and etc etc. i mean, parents are what keeps the family together. kids your age shouldnt have to deal with this sort of thing in their adolescence. i feel people these days dont have any consideration for other people.

    well anyways my friend confronted his arguing parents and they sort of calmed down and began to discuss things about their problems. it worked and now there hasnt been any problems so far with my friends family

    however, everybody is different. perhaps confronting your arguing parents about the issue will make matters worst? if you think it will, then dont do it. but i think you should try to confront them or try to waver down the flames
     
  24. cantthinkofone macrumors 65816

    cantthinkofone

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    #24
    Then he needs to leave if that happens. That shouldn't be something he should be afraid of in his own home.
     
  25. JDee macrumors 6502a

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    #25
    Sorry to hear this - I haven't experienced it and I do not know what it's like. It must be very hard for you and your family.

    I hope all works out well soon for you and your family.
     

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