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Realationship soon to be in flames?

T

TruthBeTold

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Sep 9, 2010
12
0
Me and my significant other have made plans to soon move in together, and things have recently taken a turn for the worst. I don't know if we are both feeling the pressure now, but I know that one day I want him to go from my boyfriend to my husband. To be honest he doesn't have the best "track record" and now it seems as we are trying to take a step forward we are taking two steps back.

What it comes down to is: I'm afraid that if I commit to my significant other I'm going to get screwed over in the end.

There's always the possibility that my partner isn't ready to commit. I want to be the only girl he wants! How do I know for sure? :confused:
 
I think you know the answer. I wouldn’t move in together. And like you’re wondering, he’s probably fearful of commitment. I had much the same situation years back, and after moving in with my girlfriend, she wanted me out a week later. Three weeks later she wanted me back and it then was a roller coaster type relationship for another year or so, before I had finally had enough. Funny thing was, I think she was ready to trust me finally at the end. It was definitely weird being with someone that felt like they had to do the breaking up first, since they were worried I was going to break up with them.
 
TruthBeTold said:
Me and my significant other have made plans to soon move in together, and things have recently taken a turn for the worst. I don't know if we are both feeling the pressure now, but I know that one day I want him to go from my boyfriend to my husband. To be honest he doesn't have the best "track record" and now it seems as we are trying to take a step forward we are taking two steps back.

What it comes down to is: I'm afraid that if I commit to my significant other I'm going to get screwed over in the end.

There's always the possibility that my partner isn't ready to commit. I want to be the only girl he wants! How do I know for sure? :confused:
Click to expand...

Tell him you're pregnant. How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
 
TruthBeTold said:
Me and my significant other have made plans to soon move in together, and things have recently taken a turn for the worst. I don't know if we are both feeling the pressure now, but I know that one day I want him to go from my boyfriend to my husband. To be honest he doesn't have the best "track record" and now it seems as we are trying to take a step forward we are taking two steps back.

What it comes down to is: I'm afraid that if I commit to my significant other I'm going to get screwed over in the end.

There's always the possibility that my partner isn't ready to commit. I want to be the only girl he wants! How do I know for sure? :confused:
Click to expand...

You need to ask him. And you need to do it openly and honestly.

My advice? Don't move in with him or anyone else unless you're married or planning to get married. If you can't commit to marriage, there's no reason you should live together either. That's one thing my parents were right about. I've seen so many people end up in bad situations because of that. That's just my own personal thing.

stevensteven123 said:
Tell him you're pregnant. How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
Click to expand...

There is no reason to lie. That's a terrible suggestion that will only make things worse.
 
If you are plotting or assuming the demise of your relationship before you move, if you believe that he'd move in with you and still would not commit, and if you are still considering his poor track record to be a concern then do not move in.

What I do not get is why are you so crazy to think that he'd move in with you if he wants to be with others? Why not just stay living separate and get all the tail he wants? I think moving in with you is a commitment and quite frankly you sound a bit crazy.

Just because he's not shopping for rings doesn't mean you're moving backward. What pressures do you two have other than the standard pressures one feels when moving?

Can you ask your boyfriend why my eSATA card isn't working in my MacPro? Thanks.
Also please tell me you at least own something with the name Apple on it. I want to believe you did not find this forum after googling "relationship advice".
 
leekohler said:
You need to ask him. And you need to do it openly and honestly.

My advice? Don't move in with him or anyone else unless you're married or planning to get married. If you can't commit to marriage, there's no reason you should live together either. That's one thing my parents were right about. I've seen so many people end up in bad situations because of that. That's just my own personal thing.



There is no reason to lie. That's a terrible suggestion that will only make things worse.
Click to expand...


i disagree. I am happily married, but i have many friends whose marriage ended up in ruins for many different reasons and similar numbers of unmarried couples who have had long-term and very successful relationships.
i do agree on the 'do not lie as a test' thing. that's a recipe for disaster.
 
Thanks -aggie- I agree that moving in together is probably not the best decision at this point in time. What I don't understand is if he is fearful of commitment then why does he talk about the future? He's the only person I want to trust, but a part of me thinks I'm getting strung along.

I think the whole "pregnant" approach would blow up in my face. Our relationship could take two routes: end or he would react "appropriately" then discover I was lying and our relationship would end. :rolleyes:
 
TruthBeTold said:
Thanks -aggie- I agree that moving in together is probably not the best decision at this point in time. What I don't understand is if he is fearful of commitment then why does he talk about the future? He's the only person I want to trust, but a part of me thinks I'm getting strung along.

I think the whole "pregnant" approach would blow up in my face. Our relationship could take two routes: end or he would react "appropriately" then discover I was lying and our relationship would end. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Don't admit it was a lie. Mistakes happen. Those tests aren't 100% accurate. Whoops, went to the doctor and took a blood test and she said I wasn't pregnant. A simple white lie never hurt anyone.
 
MacDawg said:
Sorry, but this advice just keeps getting worse
Click to expand...

Agreed, this is just terrible advice.

As for the OP, sounds like you need to talk about this with your boyfriend. However, it doesn't really sound like moving in together at this point in time would be a smart move. Good luck.
 
MacDawg said:
Sorry, but this advice just keeps getting worse
Click to expand...

At least I'm trying to help and not just shooting down other people's ideas. I've been married for 15 years, this Friday. I know of what I type.


Here's another: offer to have a three-way with a good-looking friend of yours. If he jumps on the idea, be wary. If he declines, he's a keeper.
 
TruthBeTold said:
Thanks -aggie- I agree that moving in together is probably not the best decision at this point in time. What I don't understand is if he is fearful of commitment then why does he talk about the future? He's the only person I want to trust, but a part of me thinks I'm getting strung along.

I think the whole "pregnant" approach would blow up in my face. Our relationship could take two routes: end or he would react "appropriately" then discover I was lying and our relationship would end. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Are you pressuring him? Why not just ask point blank where this is going and tell him your concerns? Hell, you could even do what I did with my nutcase above and go to counseling together. Let a counselor help you with all this and not a bunch of bozos on the internet.

FYI, anyone with the name Steven as part of their user name in this thread: IGNORE. :) Seriously.

MacDawg said:
Sorry, but this advice just keeps getting worse
Click to expand...

Exactly.
 
stevensteven123 said:
At least I'm trying to help and not just shooting down other people's ideas. I've been married for 15 years, this Friday. I know of what I type.


Here's another: offer to have a three-way with a good-looking friend of yours. If he jumps on the idea, be wary. If he declines, he's a keeper.
Click to expand...

You know of what you type? Why did you marry because your wife pulled the ole' I'm preggars lie out?
 
stevensteven123 said:
At least I'm trying to help and not just shooting down other people's ideas. I've been married for 15 years, this Friday. I know of what I type.


Here's another: offer to have a three-way with a good-looking friend of yours. If he jumps on the idea, be wary. If he declines, he's a keeper.
Click to expand...


You are just trolling. :rolleyes:
 
stevensteven123 said:
At least I'm trying to help and not just shooting down other people's ideas. I've been married for 15 years, this Friday. I know of what I type.


Here's another: offer to have a three-way with a good-looking friend of yours. If he jumps on the idea, be wary. If he declines, he's a keeper.
Click to expand...
I pity your wife.
 
Don't panic said:
i disagree. I am happily married, but i have many friends whose marriage ended up in ruins for many different reasons and similar numbers of unmarried couples who have had long-term and very successful relationships.
i do agree on the 'do not lie as a test' thing. that's a recipe for disaster.
Click to expand...

However, there are legal avenues to protect oneself with marriage. There are not if you just live together. That's what I'm talking about.

stevensteven123 said:
At least I'm trying to help and not just shooting down other people's ideas. I've been married for 15 years, this Friday. I know of what I type.
Click to expand...

I did offer advice already. You must have missed that.

stevensteven123 said:
Here's another: offer to have a three-way with a good-looking friend of yours. If he jumps on the idea, be wary. If he declines, he's a keeper.
Click to expand...

That means absolutely nothing. I've had open relationships before. The fact that we included a third once in a while had nothing to do whatsoever with our emotional commitment. And here you are asking her to be dishonest again. That does not make for a good relationship.
 
stevensteven123 said:
At least I'm trying to help and not just shooting down other people's ideas. I've been married for 15 years, this Friday. I know of what I type.


Here's another: offer to have a three-way with a good-looking friend of yours. If he jumps on the idea, be wary. If he declines, he's a keeper.
Click to expand...

Yeah, another winner in the advice column...

OK, here's some advice... talk to your partner openly and honestly and express your feelings and your concerns. Seek to understand him and where he is coming from and be honest about your fears and feelings. Open and honest communication is king in any relationship worth having.
 
stevensteven123 said:
Right, your response is very mature. You don't like my advice so you resort the level of name-calling like so many others in this thread. I'm a parent of two wonderful children with a third on the way. I married for love and we got pregnant years later.
Click to expand...
So why are you offering such idiotic advice?
 
leekohler said:
All the other comments here and this is the one you reply to? Yep, we got us a troll alright.
Click to expand...

Again, pay attention. I replied to MANY more comments here other then this one. Are you really going to play the I DON'T AGREE WITH YOU SO YOU MUST BE A TROLL game?
 
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