OR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Apple and Gillette Announce the iPhone 17 ProGlide Fusion Ultra
Because apparently four screens was “cute,” and shaving razors shouldn’t be the only things with too many blades.
Cupertino, CA & Boston, MA — In a move nobody asked for yet somehow everyone will pretend to be excited about, Apple today announced a groundbreaking partnership with Gillette to introduce the world’s first smartphone with five screens. Yes, five. Because if Gillette can keep slapping blades onto a razor until it resembles a medieval weapon, Apple can absolutely stack displays like a Vegas buffet.
The new iPhone 17 ProGlide Fusion Ultra features:
Gillette CEO probably said, “We’re thrilled to bring our over-engineered approach to grooming into the tech world. The iPhone 17 ProGlide Fusion Ultra provides the smoothest scrolling experience ever. Also, Apple told us we could say that.”
Early testers report that the five-screen layout delivers “unparalleled multitasking,” such as watching five apps at once while ignoring all of them equally.
The device will start at $2,499, or $2,799 for the version with the limited-edition Apple x Gillette “Blue III Max Dynamic Comfort Charging Cable,” which is just a regular USB-C cable dipped in blue food coloring.
Pre-orders begin Friday. Delivery starts whenever the five screens stop overheating in testing.
Apple and Gillette Announce the iPhone 17 ProGlide Fusion Ultra
Because apparently four screens was “cute,” and shaving razors shouldn’t be the only things with too many blades.
Cupertino, CA & Boston, MA — In a move nobody asked for yet somehow everyone will pretend to be excited about, Apple today announced a groundbreaking partnership with Gillette to introduce the world’s first smartphone with five screens. Yes, five. Because if Gillette can keep slapping blades onto a razor until it resembles a medieval weapon, Apple can absolutely stack displays like a Vegas buffet.
The new iPhone 17 ProGlide Fusion Ultra features:
- Five coordinated Retina displays calibrated to the emotional needs of incredibly online users
- A “FlexEdge ContourSync Hinge” that lets the phone wrap around your face almost as well as a Gillette razor
- A special Shave Mode where all five screens deliver “hyper-granular dermal illumination,” or as normal humans call it, light
- Apple Intelligence integration that politely asks, “Are you sure?” every time you open TikTok before 7 a.m.
Gillette CEO probably said, “We’re thrilled to bring our over-engineered approach to grooming into the tech world. The iPhone 17 ProGlide Fusion Ultra provides the smoothest scrolling experience ever. Also, Apple told us we could say that.”
Early testers report that the five-screen layout delivers “unparalleled multitasking,” such as watching five apps at once while ignoring all of them equally.
The device will start at $2,499, or $2,799 for the version with the limited-edition Apple x Gillette “Blue III Max Dynamic Comfort Charging Cable,” which is just a regular USB-C cable dipped in blue food coloring.
Pre-orders begin Friday. Delivery starts whenever the five screens stop overheating in testing.