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Should you call after a break up?
- Thread starter Josh
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Did she take the dog? DID SHE TAKE THE DOG?! Please tell me "no." 'Course, you guys probably didn't live together or have a dog. My ex has the dog. Sure it's "hers" but I love him far more than she ever could.
Don't call her. These guys are right. Move on. One woman down, 6 billion to go.
Don't call her. These guys are right. Move on. One woman down, 6 billion to go.
Um, I thought it was "National Association of Marlon Brando Look Alikes" (I think...)Stampyhead said:
Hey!! Whatever you do, please don't flinch and get all weak and decide to call her. DON'T CALL HER!!!
Been there and regretted it. Be strong.
For me, please don't call her.
Been there and regretted it. Be strong.
For me, please don't call her.
DO NOT CALL! It will just make any left over feelings you have for her surface.
When you start thinking about her go hit the gym or go out with friends. Just don't call.
When you start thinking about her go hit the gym or go out with friends. Just don't call.
Same situation - maybe 2 weeks ago (max)
...and I called.
What a stupid, stupid idea.
Definitely don't call.
...and I called.
What a stupid, stupid idea.
Definitely don't call.
Ok, so 99.7% of people here think you should not call her.
So, I'm wondering, if you did call her, what would it be for? What would you hope to accomplish?
Also, why were you all shocked that she messed around a bit after you broke up? That's so typical, I have no idea why you'd think it's a turn for the worse or whatever.
So, I'm wondering, if you did call her, what would it be for? What would you hope to accomplish?
Also, why were you all shocked that she messed around a bit after you broke up? That's so typical, I have no idea why you'd think it's a turn for the worse or whatever.
i got that you were making a joke, but i thought that you also didnt know what it was.clayj said:
i had no idea what it meant so i thought i would look it up.
3 years is a pretty serious relationship. If there was any confusion (alcohol was involved...so you never know), it could be a good idea to call her and make sure you both understand what happened. What's there to lose? At least you'd both be on the same page.
Whether or not you call her, if you see her around, just play it cool. A little chat is fine, but don't try to force anything...
Whether or not you call her, if you see her around, just play it cool. A little chat is fine, but don't try to force anything...
OutThere said:
Besides dignity (you know, you sound desperate calling...I know cuz I was just in this position
), this is a good point.Honestly, if you're probably never going to talk to her again anyway, it might be a good plan to give her a ringy-dingy and end things on a high note...shrug
I vote no call.
If you want closure, the only way you'll get it through calling is if she wants the same thing. Now, if she wants closure as well, then you've got it easy - just sit back, and wait for her to call. If she doesn't call, it probably means that you calling in the first place wouldn't have been any good anyways.
If you want closure, the only way you'll get it through calling is if she wants the same thing. Now, if she wants closure as well, then you've got it easy - just sit back, and wait for her to call. If she doesn't call, it probably means that you calling in the first place wouldn't have been any good anyways.
Another vote for NO CALL !!!
If she wanted to talk to you she probably would have email/etext/phoned you by now... she is now getting over it probably by banging as many guys as possible... and I don't say that to start a flame war but girls go two ways after a break up - Sleep with alot of guys to make them feel sexy and good about themselves or get depressed...
If she wanted to talk to you she probably would have email/etext/phoned you by now... she is now getting over it probably by banging as many guys as possible... and I don't say that to start a flame war but girls go two ways after a break up - Sleep with alot of guys to make them feel sexy and good about themselves or get depressed...
MarkCollette said:
When you're with someone for 3 years, that's a pretty serious relationship. You become close to each others' friends and family - your lives get mixed together pretty good.
To just say screw it all and walk away seems like an odd thing to do. It just seemed to me that the right thing to do was put some closure on things and to make the step towards being able to be friends afterward. We are adults now, so I don't believe that is out of the realm of possibility. I was in the relationship too, and if I can be calm and collected enough to see that, and I don't see what the surprise is in expected the same from her
The idea to call was in no way to "try and get her back" or rekindle anything. I broke up with her - if I wanted our relationship to still exist today, I would not have.
And I was not shocked about her fooling around, because she didn't. You'd have to know her to understand, but even the friends she was with are now worried she's regressing to her old ways (you'd kinda have to grow up with our group to have any idea what I mean).
Besides, as I stated in a previous post, we both share the same friends, go to the same university, and live in the same small town. We will eventually cross paths. To me, calling seemed like a preemptive way to avoid awkward situations for both us and our friends.
But, since I was pretty much deciding on not calling to begin with, and the responses here, I do think it is is best not to.
Things can be handled when we do cross paths, there's no hurry to get that over with.
jelloshotsrule said:
Probably the best advice yet.
Either that, or throw a flaming bag of poop through the window and wait for her to stomp it out so she gets poop on her shoes
But seriously - good call by you (not calling) - although if her condition deteriorates further, I'd probably take some kind of action (you did know her for 3 years...and I know she's not your problem, or anything, but you want to make sure she's okay....)
Write a letter instead of calling. You know, with pen and paper. Put down your thoughts.
Then wait a couple of days before sending it. Read it again. Change it if you need to. Then decide whether you want to send it or not.
You can convey your thoughts to her. She can read it or not. You don't have to talk. Gives you closure, without the problems of a call. Maybe she'll write back; maybe she won't. Tells you where things are either way.
Then wait a couple of days before sending it. Read it again. Change it if you need to. Then decide whether you want to send it or not.
You can convey your thoughts to her. She can read it or not. You don't have to talk. Gives you closure, without the problems of a call. Maybe she'll write back; maybe she won't. Tells you where things are either way.
Le Big Mac said:
That is an interesting idea.
In this day and age, I forgot about pen and paper..and that does open the oppertunity to say what I need to without any sort of arguement following or negative conversations.
New thread topic: Should I write a letter?
To me, a forced way to say what I would like without giving her the oppertunity to respond immediately almost seems cowardly in a way.
Good idea: Writing a letter to clearly organize your thoughts as per Le Big Mac's instructions.Josh said:That is an interesting idea.
In this day and age, I forgot about pen and paper..and that does open the oppertunity to say what I need to without any sort of arguement following or negative conversations.
New thread topic: Should I write a letter?
To me, a forced way to say what I would like without giving her the oppertunity to respond immediately almost seems cowardly in a way.
Bad idea: Sending her that letter.
Eventhough I'm in that 'don't call her' camp, you clearly want things resolved and you want to keep it cordial with your ex. This means that you probably will need to talk to her at some point (you might even want to do this in person at a neutral, public place).
A letter in this situation can seem a little impersonal and one sided and maybe that's what you need to get out what you want to say. However, a conversation with her it won't be one sided and you might get side tracked. If you organize your thoughts first (like in the letter) you can stay on track by remembering what you wrote. It sounds like you've got the right frame of mind, but situations like yours are pretty volitile so stay cool and calm.
i sent my ex a letter a few days after we broke up.
i've barely talked to her since.
not that the two are related.
but anyways. i don't feel a lot of the things i wrote in that letter anymore. does that mean it's not a good idea? got me. also, very different breakup circumstances, etc.
TP!
i've barely talked to her since.
not that the two are related.
but anyways. i don't feel a lot of the things i wrote in that letter anymore. does that mean it's not a good idea? got me. also, very different breakup circumstances, etc.
TP!