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Should you call after a break up?

I think that I might have to go against the crowd here. Call her if you want to.

Only you know what is appropriate and what is not. Everyone have different relationships and there is no reason why you should completely cut off somebody who used to be so close to you.

Anyway, I had two long-term relationships (2 years and 3 years) before my current bf. One of them is still one of my best friend (3 years) and I no longer talk with the other one, nor do I have any interest to call him.

IMHO, I believe that each relationships are different that you shouldn't treat them the same. I think you already know that you should call this girl or not. My only advice is, if you decided to call her don't be upset if she doesn't want to talk to you. It could take a lot of time for both of you to get over one another, and it is usually much longer than you think. For me and my 3 years relationship, it took us about 6-7 months to be friends again. And it is different for everyone.
 
Josh said:
New thread topic: Should I write a letter? :confused:

To me, a forced way to say what I would like without giving her the oppertunity to respond immediately almost seems cowardly in a way.
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Write the letter but never send it.

The letter will capture your emotions at this time. Years later you can read it again to see how much you've grown. You may even look back on the situation and laugh about it. We all grow through life. What is difficult now will be easier in the future when you better understand yourself.

Again, write the letter but do not sent it to her.
 
Agreed with Raid and Sushi. Write the letter but don't send it.

At least, write the letter, then wait two or three days. You'll probably be more emotionally settled by then, and upon re-reading the letter, you'll more likely decide not to send it anyways.
 
Abstract said:
Don't write the letter, don't talk to her.


Forget the crazy bitch and move on.
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See you say that.. But then im thinkin' that because this dude was in a 3 year relationship, it would be hard to just "forget the crazy bitch" and move on. Heck I have had a hard enough time forgetting a chick I would go out with for a month or so before being "friended". :eek: :( :eek:
 
njmac said:
I've been waiting for this thread for a while now ;)
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LOL! That cracked me up...I forgot all about that.

Well, I ended up stopping by one night on the way from my brother's place. I noticed she was outside, so I swung by.

We talked, and it went probably 90% as good as it could have. We joked around a little, just hung out for a little, and talked about the issue of our break up and further friendship.

It went pretty smoothly. At times she said a couple things that made it seem she was trying her hardest not to fight, but either way, I wasn't going to argue with her.

It *was* a little difficult, in the sense that the fact that I am no longer with someone I was so close to for 3 years didn't hit me until then. And it hit me as hard as anything possible could :eek:

But, the whole situation was pretty cool, and we've decided that we can actually still be really good friends after this.

We're even going on a trip we had planned for labor day, and honestly, I'm looking even more forward to it now. We've decided we'll pay for ourselves seperately, and everything will be platonic, and it should be just a good time.

---- On a different note ---

Sadness/Loneliness: 0

Josh: 1

Being known most typically for being very shy and bashful, the ending of this relationship has completely destroyed that. For some reason, I have more confidence and optimism toward things than ever.

I guess I've realized everything can change in an instant, and in the end, it really doesn't matter. This somehow made me not care so much about certain things, and I've let my guard down a lot.

So far, I've had 2 girls ask for my number after I initiated conversation with them - something I'd never have done in the past (one of which is 32 :eek: Being 21...this has got fun written all over it :p ), and another one asked me out to dinner and a movie.

I don't think I'm ready for a full-blown relationship just yet, but my pre-conceived notions that I'd be a little lonely now have pretty much disappeared.

I guess seemingly "not-so-good" situations can surprise you after all.
 
Josh said:
LOL! That cracked me up...I forgot all about that.

Well, I ended up stopping by one night on the way from my brother's place. I noticed she was outside, so I swung by.

We talked, and it went probably 90% as good as it could have. We joked around a little, just hung out for a little, and talked about the issue of our break up and further friendship.

It went pretty smoothly. At times she said a couple things that made it seem she was trying her hardest not to fight, but either way, I wasn't going to argue with her.

It *was* a little difficult, in the sense that the fact that I am no longer with someone I was so close to for 3 years didn't hit me until then. And it hit me as hard as anything possible could :eek:

But, the whole situation was pretty cool, and we've decided that we can actually still be really good friends after this.

We're even going on a trip we had planned for labor day, and honestly, I'm looking even more forward to it now. We've decided we'll pay for ourselves seperately, and everything will be platonic, and it should be just a good time.

---- On a different note ---

Sadness/Loneliness: 0

Josh: 1

Being known most typically for being very shy and bashful, the ending of this relationship has completely destroyed that. For some reason, I have more confidence and optimism toward things than ever.

I guess I've realized everything can change in an instant, and in the end, it really doesn't matter. This somehow made me not care so much about certain things, and I've let my guard down a lot.

So far, I've had 2 girls ask for my number after I initiated conversation with them - something I'd never have done in the past (one of which is 32 :eek: Being 21...this has got fun written all over it :p ), and another one asked me out to dinner and a movie.

I don't think I'm ready for a full-blown relationship just yet, but my pre-conceived notions that I'd be a little lonely now have pretty much disappeared.

I guess seemingly "not-so-good" situations can surprise you after all.
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Way to go!!
Once girls at college realize that you are a MacRumors 68000......
 
Don't call, don't write, cancel that bloody trip. You said from the go that the reason you separated was that she was always belittling you. Granted this is just a snap judgement based on what you've told us here, but she seems to be the type that will look down upon anything that doesn't directly benefit her in some way. I'll lay money that if you keep hanging out, at some point she'll want to "try again", meaning she sees you as nothing more than a safety net, and then you'll be stuck in this mess all over again. Don't fall for it; stand up for yourself. She can't take your dignity and sense of self-worth unless you allow her to do so. Speaking to the other issue, it just shows you how petty she is and concerned with getting the last shot in as it were.

Excise this girl from your life in every way possible, except for the experience of knowing that this is the sort of girl you don't want in the long run.
 
wmmk said:
Way to go!!
Once girls at college realize that you are a MacRumors 68000......
Click to expand...

No kidding. Macrumors 68000 get all the ladies. I wish I could be a big man too someday. :cool:
 
Josh said:
Well, I ended up stopping by one night on the way from my brother's place. I noticed she was outside, so I swung by.

We talked, and it went probably 90% as good as it could have. We joked around a little, just hung out for a little, and talked about the issue of our break up and further friendship.

It went pretty smoothly. At times she said a couple things that made it seem she was trying her hardest not to fight, but either way, I wasn't going to argue with her.

It *was* a little difficult, in the sense that the fact that I am no longer with someone I was so close to for 3 years didn't hit me until then. And it hit me as hard as anything possible could :eek:

But, the whole situation was pretty cool, and we've decided that we can actually still be really good friends after this.

We're even going on a trip we had planned for labor day, and honestly, I'm looking even more forward to it now. We've decided we'll pay for ourselves seperately, and everything will be platonic, and it should be just a good time.

---- On a different note ---

Sadness/Loneliness: 0

Josh: 1

Being known most typically for being very shy and bashful, the ending of this relationship has completely destroyed that. For some reason, I have more confidence and optimism toward things than ever.

I guess I've realized everything can change in an instant, and in the end, it really doesn't matter. This somehow made me not care so much about certain things, and I've let my guard down a lot.

So far, I've had 2 girls ask for my number after I initiated conversation with them - something I'd never have done in the past (one of which is 32 :eek: Being 21...this has got fun written all over it :p ), and another one asked me out to dinner and a movie.

I don't think I'm ready for a full-blown relationship just yet, but my pre-conceived notions that I'd be a little lonely now have pretty much disappeared.

I guess seemingly "not-so-good" situations can surprise you after all.
Click to expand...

Im glad for you man! I get the reason why you wanted to call her initially, you wanted some sort of closure, with most of my relationships I wanted to call becuase I still needed some closure.

Before I got to this post I wanted to suggest that after you write the letter that you perhaps stage a accidental meeting, that way the akwardness isnt really that bad for you because you were sort of prepared.

My advice, dont push the friendship thing to fast, it might blow up in your face, it did with me (but I had other intentions to be fair)... and mostimprotant bit... there is nothing wrong with a post breakup 1 nigth stand! :D
 
Probably a bit late with this, but don't call. At least not for some time.

There may be a chance of being friends in the future but you need some clean air between your relationship and friendship. Leave it, so you can both think about it.
 
sunfast said:
Probably a bit late with this, but don't call. At least not for some time.

There may be a chance of being friends in the future but you need some clean air between your relationship and friendship. Leave it, so you can both think about it.
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Did you read the whole thread?
 
sushi said:
Sharewaredemon Don't ya just love it?

Someone comes along and responds without reading the threat.
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Because you typed "threat" I thought I had spelled it incorrectly and you were making fun of me. :eek:

In some cases it is SOOOo obvious when someone hasn't read the whole thread, in this case, it was blatantly so. :rolleyes:
 
Sharewaredemon said:
Because you typed "threat" I thought I had spelled it incorrectly and you were making fun of me. :eek:
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Oops, got to proofread things before hitting the darn submit key. I meant thread and was not making fun of you! Sorry.
 
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