You are very right. If only the women of these guys understood and thought like you.
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Spray for 'six times longer' sex
- Thread starter edesignuk
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You are very right. If only the women of these guys understood and thought like you.
Lilly Allen's new single [It's Not Fair], too perfect for this
(snip song lyrics)
Cheeky madam.
I didn't know iBlue was a songwriter for Lily Allen!
I'm unsure if I should dignify this with a response.I didn't know iBlue was a songwriter for Lily Allen!
oh wait, s***.
And just so you know- guys who go off quickly the first time, usually last MUCH longer the second or third time. That's been my experience anyway.
I think the problem that most men have with premature ejaculation (and that they view this as a bad thing) is watching porn - where scenes are cut and edited all the time to make it look like the guy goes on for hours and then finally climaxes - it's like.. a whole hour for an orgasm! sheesh!
If you have extra sensory stimulation then you will ejaculate faster than usual. There are times when me and the wife are so tired after work that we'll go on for more than 40 minutes and neither of us can reach that level (woo hoo, thats when i feel like a porn star lol) and then there will be times when we're on vacation or just relaxed.. in the 'mood' and both of us will be like silly teenagers turning 40 minutes into 5 minutes max.
For those of you who don't think this is a big deal, please don't judge to quickly or pass it off as people who are inexperienced or ignorant in bed. If you really want to understand then take some time and do actual research on the issue. While premature ejaculation can be a symptom of emotional or mental health difficulties, it is often a physiological problem that could require some form of medical treatment. Anyone involved in a relationship knows that intimacy is important and for someone that can't last longer than 30 - 60 seconds then there can be real challenges. As some have mentioned there's the stress and pressure the guy places upon himself because he wants to satisfy his partner. Obviously, there's the possible feelings of dissatisfaction in the experience for the partner who wants or needs it to last longer. Comments like "just be creative" or "duh, just do it again" aren't really an answer, because it's not that simple. In my experience as a marriage and family therapist couples who truly struggle with this usually need both counseling and medical intervention. Each situation is different and there's not always a universal answer or treatment. Instead of being like, "I don't have this problem and I don't understand people who do...", be thankful you don't have this problem and that the intimacy in your relationships is not hindered in any way.
Woah, I don't think anyone here was taking this view at all!
leekohler said:
If you read through the comments most people have made the comments seem to be more around UNDERSTANDING and the big debate about how people view this.
maestro55 said:
From what I have read it seems (on the whole) gay relationships are more understanding of this than a heterosexual couple seem to be.
Equally in the past when I have not lasted as long as other times by "being creative" means that both parties can still be satisfied - not everything revolves around intercourse (or at least it shouldn't).
iNash said:
Take for example Tantric Sex (although I have never experienced this) by the look of it (excuse the pun) that can be enough to satisfy both parties.
Obviously there are often underlying reasons for premature ejaculation however again looking at previous posts it looks like we are really just talking about 'not lasting long' as opposed to premature ejaculation as there is a difference.
My $0.02
It's only a problem if people choose to make it one. There can be tons of fun had with guys with this "problem"-it's called multiple rounds.
Agreed- work with it!
I'm not trying to be judgmental and definitely don't seek to offend, but it was these type of comments to which I was referring.
I think iBlue made a great point with her comments.
My comments are more aimed at making sure we be sensitive to other's difficulties, especially those that have medical or physical conditions. I'm not gay and haven't counseled gay couples, so I can't comment on how this issue is handled in those relationships. But, for the heterosexual couples I have worked with it is a major issue if there is an inability to have lasting intercourse and therefore achieve the level of intimacy that comes from that specific type of contact. These couples definitely use creativity and other types of sexual activity to ensure that both parties are mutually satisfied. However, I firmly believe, as iBlue and especially kastenbrust have stated, that for heterosexual couples intercourse is an extremely important aspect of bonding and interaction. And, just doing it again, is not the answer because those with these types of medical condition will go early almost every time.
Again, not trying to pick on people or start an argument. I just wanted to share some of my experience working with couples like this so we could all appreciate what they face and be thankful for our own blessings.
Very good post. Highly satisfying, and well worth the 60 seconds of reading it took to reach the climax.
And you are certainly right. Not going to get into any details here in the community discussion, but like Lee says, when you go early you go to other things and then get back to intercourse when ready.
I'm not trying to be judgmental and definitely don't seek to offend, but it was these type of comments to which I was referring.
I think iBlue made a great point with her comments.
My comments are more aimed at making sure we be sensitive to other's difficulties, especially those that have medical or physical conditions. I'm not gay and haven't counseled gay couples, so I can't comment on how this issue is handled in those relationships. But, for the heterosexual couples I have worked with it is a major issue if there is an inability to have lasting intercourse and therefore achieve the level of intimacy that comes from that specific type of contact. These couples definitely use creativity and other types of sexual activity to ensure that both parties are mutually satisfied. However, I firmly believe, as iBlue and especially kastenbrust have stated, that for heterosexual couples intercourse is an extremely important aspect of bonding and interaction. And, just doing it again, is not the answer because those with these types of medical condition will go early almost every time.
Again, not trying to pick on people or start an argument. I just wanted to share some of my experience working with couples like this so we could all appreciate what they face and be thankful for our own blessings.
I'm sorry but, I thought I WAS being understanding. Not to be crass, but in my 42 years, I've been around the proverbial block more times than (I'm guessing) the vast majority of people here. I'm not going to give you a number, but trust me, it's very high. I have run across many guys with this "problem". For all of them, it wasn't a medical issue, but a mental one. In my experience, once you take away the pressure, and view it as a compliment or don't bring undue attention to it, it starts to get better. I've never been with one guy in this situation where this wasn't the case. We just worked with it and it got better.
Now, I have no doubt that there are some guys for whom this is medical. But I would bet anything that it is overwhelmingly a mental thing. I was in no way criticizing people with premature ejaculation, quite the opposite. I was simply trying to get people to see for what it mostly is- and that's a mental block.
Now if that comes across as me being critical of people with premature ejaculation in your mind, so be it. I also find the fact that you haven't counseled any gay couples with this issue very telling. I can almost bet you that you never will. It's not an issue that comes up in the gay community.
^^^^Note that mscriv said "medical or physical", which means he sees them as being distinct. That probably means that classifies "mental" issues under medical conditions, and never implied that most of these people have physical problems.
Well- now he's got me thinking that it's probably even more of a mental issue than I thought. It also seems to be an issue of communication as well as how people react to it. That has to be a huge part of it. I'm not denying it's not a real problem, I just think that for most people, it's not a physical problem.
I think (judging from experience and reading these posts) the actual problem is not being premature but rather the lack of communication (as Lee has mentioned) and the feeling after this happening.
As mentioned if you talk about it and find other ways (because I agree if it is very short than that could quite easily not be enough for the other person) of pleasing each other then the problem goes away.
Is it not more about understanding and empathy towards each others feelings/what they are going through?
- Just my humble opinion...
Thanks for the responses. As I said I'm not trying to be critical of anyone and I appreciate the clarification. Communication absolutely plays a critical role for couples who struggle with this issue. If it's positive it can help them improve their situation, if it's negative then it can not only hinder, but tear the relationship apart.
As far as the question about medical, physical, or mental classification, I see this issue as all of the above. In any sexual dysfunction the first course of action for a good counselor is to refer to a medical specialist to rule out any physical condition or problem that could be contributing to or causing the difficulty. If there is no physical problem then we are definitely looking at a mental/behavioral/emotional or social challenge. However, you can't just draw a distinct line between the two because one will affect the other. Like many have said in the thread, performance can be affected by stress, relationship difficulties, etc. Thus, finding the solution for each couple is individualized.
My concern in the previous posts was to simply point out that for some people it is truly a medical condition and therefore might require some medical treatment. I interpreted the original poster's article to be about a new product for men who have the diagnosed medical condition of premature ejaculation.
Lee I appreciate your perspective and experience. Abstract your humor/wit/sarcasm is always appreciated as you have made me laugh in many of your postings on macrumors.
As far as the question about medical, physical, or mental classification, I see this issue as all of the above. In any sexual dysfunction the first course of action for a good counselor is to refer to a medical specialist to rule out any physical condition or problem that could be contributing to or causing the difficulty. If there is no physical problem then we are definitely looking at a mental/behavioral/emotional or social challenge. However, you can't just draw a distinct line between the two because one will affect the other. Like many have said in the thread, performance can be affected by stress, relationship difficulties, etc. Thus, finding the solution for each couple is individualized.
My concern in the previous posts was to simply point out that for some people it is truly a medical condition and therefore might require some medical treatment. I interpreted the original poster's article to be about a new product for men who have the diagnosed medical condition of premature ejaculation.
Lee I appreciate your perspective and experience. Abstract your humor/wit/sarcasm is always appreciated as you have made me laugh in many of your postings on macrumors.
...and even if it is a physical problem for someone, having an understanding partner and making sex more interesting in my mind is better than spending money on numbing sprays.