But they got a spec bump!
Nope, it was a downgrade. That's the trend. New Falcon will be cooler running but only half speed with short turbo boost to bring it near old falcon speed for short bursts. Hears Hans solo cursing Intel and Apple's energy efficiency as the Falcon sputters and fails to escape the dark forces
Hans is refrozen to await the second coming of AMD and the resurgence of higher performance at lower prices. Hears C3PO complaining to R2 about the transition from CP/M to Yosemite and being unable to quickly assimilate new information because Apple disabled Trim on their 3rd party drives scavenged from another droid in the last battle.
Meanwhile, a new sith appears and Luke draws his saber to realize he forgot to place it on the charger after the last battle and his Apple batteries die. He tries to plug it in to the portable power pack on his belt and gets the warning that his cable doesn't have an Apple chip installed, so charging will be disabled.
Luke scrambles for ideas, and sees the Apple logo on the dark sith's saber and throws dust at it scratching the surface. The dark lord screams in agony as his delicate saber now has swirls and scuffs in it's handle and calls Apple to insist that he needs an immediate replacement as it was scuffed in the course of normal usage. Luke escapes as the Sith Lord is placed on hold, and becomes distracted in Anger.
A family of ewoks swarms in to assure the Sith Lord that it's not Apples fault that his saber didn't survive use in a desert setting. Angry with the ewoks, the Sith Lord tries to fire up his saber only to discover that the dust scratched his emitter causing the saber to emit a twisted blade which swung back and sliced the Sith lord in half.
Images of darth vader appear in a glow of the light side of the force, and he laughs in amusement at the destruction of the dark lord by his own saber and budget cuts.