Thanks for the in-depth response! Well said.
I agree that much of the design of the new MBPs is due to Apple's desire to make them skinny systems. That's the current design language, and I like the intent. I don't like all the sacrifices, though, the lack of ports being among them. I've worked in many development shops for various servers and client systems. The engineers often came out with features that weren't based on customer requirements at all, and often seemed counter to good design. It wasn't clear where these things came from all the time, but I suspect that a lot of beer went into the design process for them.
I have a Yoga 900, too, which I'm using right now. (Since my new MBP is still backing up after 20 hours, and it's only a third of the way done. But, I digress.) It is a very thin system, similar to if not more so than the new MBP. It has shallow keys, too, much like the ones on my old 2012 rMBP. And they are virtually silent, aside from the space bar. So, I know it's possible to design silent thin keyboards. I guess Apple had other design criteria than Lenovo. Like running Windows 10, which is not goodness in my book. But the Yoga is thin, yet still has 2 USB-A ports, an SD card slot, a headset jack, and a USB-C port. No HDMI port, unfortunately. But, it did have a Skylake processor over a full year ahead of Apple. And the QHD+ display is positively brilliant.
I think I've read about your rMB problem before, with the keys riding on the display when the system is closed. That is a design deficiency, and Apple should fix that for you. I don't know if the current model year MBs have the same problem, but if they do, that would rule them out for me, too.
I used to have a 13-inch rMBP, and that was a really great system. The screen was a little too small for the work I was doing, so I upgraded to a 15-inch, and was happy ever after with that one. The keyboards were both well designed and silent on those systems. Maybe a 13-inch Pro would be a good system for you, except that the port problems on the new ones are even worse than the new 15-inchers. It's not as thin or light as the rMB, but you wouldn't have the key-display problem with them. And they aren't much more expensive, either.
My main thing is that I like MacOS too much to go back to Windows full time. For what I do, and for the tools I need, my Mac is perfect. I used to travel all over the country on a regular basis, and had to lug a ThinkPad with me. (T61, anyone?) THAT was a heavy system, so the new MBPs seem like feathers to me now.