What do you do to keep your relationship strong?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by mscriv, Feb 24, 2010.

  1. mscriv macrumors 601

    mscriv

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #1
    For those of you that don't already know or haven't read my signature, I'm a professional counselor and love doing marriage and relationship counseling. So, with that in mind I thought I would ask the following question. What are some of the things you and your partner do to keep your relationship healthy and strong? I think it's fascinating, educational, and inspirational to hear what individuals do for each other or what couples do together that helps maintain their relationship. Please don't be shy and know that there is no good or bad answer, it's your relationship not someone else's.

    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    One of the things my wife and I try to do consistently is keep the lines of communication going and be intentional about making a good portion of that communication genuine and positive praise for each other. The advent of texting has made this much easier in that we can bounce affectionate and loving messages to each other at random times of the day for no specific reason other than seeking to encourage, support, or express emotion to each other. A new thing we recently started is that I send her a daily email during the work week, so 5 of 7 days a week. This email is simply a list of characteristics/qualities about her that I love and appreciate. It's the same email every day with just something new added to the list and a brief explanation or commentary about it. The email is always entitled "What I love about you" and so far I've been consistent for almost a month now. If this sounds confusing, then here's an example. Number 17 on the list is:

    My wife tells me that getting her daily email is the highlight of her day. It also helps me in that I am forced to look at things in a positive manner and am thus encouraged not to become critical, overly negative, or ungrateful.

    Sorry for the long post, but I got carried away. So, your turn now, what do you and your partner do to keep your relationship healthy and strong?
     
  2. maflynn Moderator

    maflynn

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2009
    Location:
    Boston
    #2
    For me, I try to engage my wife a much as possible, listening to her telling her how much I care for her and doing small things for her.

    Its not about buying your loved ones a lot of stuff but rather making them feel special and I believe that means being engaged to what's important to her and communicating.
     
  3. ezzie macrumors 68020

    ezzie

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    Sep 7, 2006
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    #3
    The email thing seems interesting, mscriv. You have a very lucky wife. :)

    I think you're right when you say texting makes it easier to express affection and the like...and that's one of the things we do on a daily basis, and it makes a big difference. I have no doubt in my mind that I'm very, very loved! :p

    We make it a habit to touch each other often, even if it's just my hand on the small of his back while we're out shopping, or him brushing the hair back from my eyes while we're watching TV. Those things may seem unimportant, but closeness is key.

    Also, we do our best to talk about things when they're bothering us, rather than letting things stew until a huge fight erupts. In the rare instance a huge fight does erupt, I think we do a good job of never saying hurtful things that can't be taken back. That's the kind of thing that keeps hurting long after the fight is over. :eek:

    Last, but certainly not least, we don't take what we have for granted. Our relationship has been difficult and at times seemed impossible, yet here we are. We're both very thankful for what we have and we tell each other that often.
     
  4. iOrlando macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2008
    #4
    not have one.


    simple answer but speaks volumes.
     
  5. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #5
    I expected something like this from you. You do realize that it may not be a choice for you? ;) I do hope you find someone to love.

    To keep things strong I bounce loving messages off mscriv's wife as well. :D
     
  6. rdowns macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    #6
    I spoof dirty text messages to ezzielu. She thinks they're coming from TDD. The way I see it, I'm helping their relationship while indulging in some sick stalking activity. Wait, what?


    @mscriv, I think you're just looking for new things to suggest to your patients. ;)
     
  7. redwarrior macrumors 603

    redwarrior

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    Apr 7, 2008
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    in the Dawg house
    #7
    :p I love you, Jess, and you too ezzie. I just realized it's been awhile since I said that. :)

    I think it's important to always put the other person first. I know, however, that this HAS to work both ways or it doesn't work at all.

    But who am I to contribute to this thread? I will enjoy reading it, however. :)
     
  8. ezzie macrumors 68020

    ezzie

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    Sep 7, 2006
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    #8
    I LOL'ed. :D

    I LOL'ed again. Good work, Sir Downs. :p
     
  9. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #9
    I absolutely haven't got the foggiest! We've been together 8 years almost and it just works, I guess. And it scrolls like butter too.
    We have similar interests and hobbies.
    We have contrasting interests and hobbies.
    We have similar personalities.
    We have contrasting personalities.
     
  10. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #10
    Pretty sure you said it last night and the neighbors can confirm.
     
  11. anjinha macrumors 604

    anjinha

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    Oct 21, 2006
    Location:
    San Francisco, CA
    #11
    I feed him.







    Oh wait, my cat doesn't count? Nevermind... :eek:
     
  12. rdowns macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

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    Jul 11, 2003
    #12

    <Inappropriate group hug> :eek:
     
  13. redwarrior macrumors 603

    redwarrior

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    Apr 7, 2008
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    in the Dawg house
    #13
    That was in the heat of the moment, and while good and necessary, I also think the sincerely felt statement should be made a public gesture at times.
     
  14. kyzen macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2010
    Location:
    Colorado
    #14
    I try not to get caught buying apps from the iTunes "Explicit" category :D

    Kidding aside, I'm not sure what makes us work so well. Just keeping communication going, and being sure to balance "together time" with time on our own to do the things we like to do that the other doesn't necessary want/need to be involved in.
     
  15. mscriv thread starter macrumors 601

    mscriv

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    Aug 14, 2008
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #15
    I was wondering why she's been so frisky lately?!? Whatever you said to her Monday night, please say it again because the results were quite enjoyable. ;)

    *puts pad and pen down*

    I'm not sure what you're getting at there. :eek:

    Wise words from someone who's opinion I find to be usually on target. So let's stop all the self-depricating talk now shall we? :)


    Edit:
    My therapist alarm bells are going off! The professional counselor translation of the above is, "I'll use humor to soften and blur the truth that I justify to myself that I do things on my own time that may or may not involve explicit activity that my partner does not need to know about". ;)
     
  16. kyzen macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2010
    Location:
    Colorado
    #16
    Lol... I more meant that she likes to read quite a bit, which is rather difficult for us to do together. Meanwhile, I like trudging around in the mud and snow with my camera, or lounging about playing WoW. Having our own interests that we spend time with seems to make the time we spend together more worthwhile.
     
  17. mscriv thread starter macrumors 601

    mscriv

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    Aug 14, 2008
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #17
    "WTF!, how did he know that! I'll write something that makes it sound better."

    *Furious backpeddle typing ensues*

    Yep, even over the internet, I'm that good! ;)
     
  18. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #18
    I loves you too lady. :)
    I seriously LOL'ed.
    Ok I will try but there was booze involved. :eek:
     
  19. TechieJustin macrumors 6502

    TechieJustin

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2009
    Location:
    Pennsylvania, USA
    #19
    My last girlfriend whom I dated for two years - I did everything right. Remembered her birthday, communicated, talked to her about everything - everything the OP outlined.
    It didn't work. She switched religions and said I could either convert or hit the road. I'm Italian, so being Catholic is part of my heritage. I hit the road.
     
  20. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

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    Apr 24, 2003
    Location:
    Colly-fornia
    #20
    What do you do to keep your relationship strong?

    We use the Relationship-asizer. It works out your relationship in just 10 minutes a day while you sit on the couch and watch TV. Your relationship will be toned and firm with just 6 weeks of regular use. Just 5 easy payments of $129.99. Plus it folds up and goes under the couch when you're done with it. Why pay a counselor bags of money, when for just dollars a day you can have the same effect from the comfort of your own home?






    (Results not guaranteed, product may or may not exist, 6-week time frame includes professional counseling, not responsible for relationship failure as a result of use of this product. Consult a physician before beginning any workout regimen.)
     
  21. andalusia macrumors 68030

    andalusia

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    Manchester, UK
    #21
    Sold!
     
  22. dmr727 macrumors G3

    dmr727

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    Dec 29, 2007
    Location:
    Southern California
    #22
    I leave for a few days. Or she leaves for a few days. :)
     
  23. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    Mar 29, 2009
    Location:
    A man of the people. The right sort of people.
    #23
    Lots of empty promises. Start small, then when you get called on it, replace with a slightly better empty promise.


















    No idea actually. Longest relationship is my current one at just over 2 years.
     
  24. redwarrior macrumors 603

    redwarrior

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    Apr 7, 2008
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    in the Dawg house
    #24
    Well, you guys don't have much of a choice. :) It's nice to know that it works for you.

    I guess that is key too - couples have to decide for themselves what is right for them and not try to pattern their relationship on others.

    I have always wondered about the whole "time apart" thing. My parents have been married for over 60 years and are never ever apart. Several years back, about 15 to be exact, my dad went on a trip with me for 3 days and said he would never do that again. He was miserable without my mom and was like a school kid calling her constantly. They are still inseparable and completely live for each other.

    I want that, but it's hard to put my finger on what exactly makes a concrete relationship like that, as much as I have tried to pay attention. Selflessness is the one trait that is very apparent.
     
  25. Teh Don Ditty macrumors G4

    Teh Don Ditty

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    Maryland
    #25
    I thank you... in more ways than one ;)
     

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