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What do you do to keep your relationship strong?
- Thread starter mscriv
- Start date
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Honestly, there's a lot of work involved in maintaining a healthy relationship. You have to be willing to forgive, and not to 'keep score', which can be quite tough. You have to remind yourself from time to time that you're a team, not in competition with each other. You have to be willing to pick up the slack for your partner when they cannot (and vice versa). And you have to know when to provide some "alone time" to your partner. It also helps if you have at least some activities that you participate in as a couple, either hobbies, or friends, or whatever.
And now that we have a kid, and no family around to help out, it's also important to carve out 'couple time', such as date nights, or playing hooky from work while the kid is at daycare. I find that if you don't put effort into this, it's way to easy to find that there just isn't time left for you at the end of the day.
If you find that you just aren't interested in putting the effort into the relationship anymore, it's probably time to move on.
And, of course, if you enjoy what you're doing, it doesn't seem like work at all...
And now that we have a kid, and no family around to help out, it's also important to carve out 'couple time', such as date nights, or playing hooky from work while the kid is at daycare. I find that if you don't put effort into this, it's way to easy to find that there just isn't time left for you at the end of the day.
If you find that you just aren't interested in putting the effort into the relationship anymore, it's probably time to move on.
And, of course, if you enjoy what you're doing, it doesn't seem like work at all...
Great stuff mactastic. My wife and I used to do the hooky from work thing when she had a job and the kids were in daycare. I highly recommend this specific couple activity. It's naughty and fun in that "skipped class with your girlfriend to make out behind the bleachers" sort of way. Such a good time.
I expected something like this from you. You do realize that it may not be a choice for you?
To keep things strong I bounce loving messages off mscriv's wife as well.
LOL!!! Too funny!
As far as the relationship, it takes a lot of work. I've been married for three years and it feels like a rollercoaster: up you go, and down, and up, and.... Maybe that's normal?
I have a long answer for this (which I posted elsewhere ) but the short answer is:
We have fun together. We trust each other. We support each other. We learned how to communicate effectively. We value small gestures of thoughtfulness and appreciation. We have similar interests and personalities. We have sex a lot.
Been very happily married for 3 years now.
) but the short answer is: We have fun together. We trust each other. We support each other. We learned how to communicate effectively. We value small gestures of thoughtfulness and appreciation. We have similar interests and personalities. We have sex a lot.
Been very happily married for 3 years now.
Sorry but this is the most boring thing I ever heard. It's important to keep good lines of communication, and to express your feelings, but I would feel very discomfort to hear EVERY DAY the characteristics / qualities my wife loves about me and vice versa. I hope you were not serious about that.
It's much better when you hear them / tell them in a more spontaneous way, not every day but just when you really feel to do so.
About myself: the key to my marriage's health (it's our 6th year) is the quality time we spend together and that we can't wait to spend together, the interests we share and the wonderful family we put up together. Ah, yea, I almost forgot, a strong mutual sexual attraction helps a lot.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either and prefer things to be said spontaneously but there's no need to be critical of what works well in someone else's relationship.
You are right, I expressed my thought with a little too much emphasis.
I guess that every relation has its own balance and what works for mscriv and his wife/husband may not in another couple.
I'm sorry if I was to harsh there mscriv!
That's sweet and all, but I think this is one of those ideas that sounds a lot better than it actually works out to be. It's a failure to manage expectations and the lack of spontaneity risks losing genuinity. It's like the "I love you/I love you too" at the end of a phone conversation; instead of it's presence communicating value it's eventual absense will. Why not pencil "romance" into your day planner from 5:45 to 6:15?
As for my relationship, I keep it strong by being completely uncompromisingly reasonable and treating my girlfriend like an adult. If it's conventional or expected I don't do it.
I've been happily married for 11 years. Here are some of my thoughts...
1. Don't make your conversations a litany of annoyances, problems, work troubles and other "bad" things that you encountered that day, whether it's about co-workers, customers, family, or your spouse. If your conversations always start and end on negative topics, you'll start to associate negative emotions to your spouse.
2. Don't be nitpicky. EVERYONE has quirks and flaws. It's a cliche, but don't worry about the small stuff.
3. It's not about you. It's not about your partner. It's about your relationship, your unity.
4. Make time for each other. Turn off the TV, the radio, the computer. Put down the books. Do things together that engage the mind, body, and soul.
5. Get your wife a Mac!!! My relationship definitely improved when I got rid of my wife's Dell and got her a Macbook Air. I was no longer just being called for tech support. It reduced the frustration levels in the house. (This is MacRumors after all).
1. Don't make your conversations a litany of annoyances, problems, work troubles and other "bad" things that you encountered that day, whether it's about co-workers, customers, family, or your spouse. If your conversations always start and end on negative topics, you'll start to associate negative emotions to your spouse.
2. Don't be nitpicky. EVERYONE has quirks and flaws. It's a cliche, but don't worry about the small stuff.
3. It's not about you. It's not about your partner. It's about your relationship, your unity.
4. Make time for each other. Turn off the TV, the radio, the computer. Put down the books. Do things together that engage the mind, body, and soul.
5. Get your wife a Mac!!! My relationship definitely improved when I got rid of my wife's Dell and got her a Macbook Air. I was no longer just being called for tech support. It reduced the frustration levels in the house. (This is MacRumors after all).
Thanks for the support iBlue. You know I love ya!
You are right, I expressed my thought with a little too much emphasis.
Well mister, let me tell you something! Thanks for the apology.
Seriously, no harm done, talking about relationships is an emotionally charged subject for most people and sometimes our emotions get the best of us as we discuss and debate our feelings, thoughts, and actions. I hoped to emphasize in my OP that there is no good or bad answer and that what works for one couple may not work for the next. What's important is that you and your partner realize that relationships can be hard work and that you are each making intentional efforts to keep it strong. As far as being harsh to me, don't worry being a therapist requires very thick skin and healthy boundaries. What you said was mild compared to what's been fired at me in counseling sessions. It's all good. It sounds like spontaneity is improtant to you Iscariot and I completely understand that. I think you are right in that sometimes affections in a relationship can become routine. However, it's funny that you mention scheduling romance because that is actually a common therapeutic intervention. Each couple and their relationship is unique, but there are usually some common themes in successful and strong relationships, one of which is feeling that there is a foundation of love and committment upon which the relationship can not only stand, but grow. Depending upon the specifics of the relationship and the inherent personalities of the individuals involved, scheduling time for connection can be vital. If that makes it feel contrived or disingenuous to you then that communicates information regarding your personal "love language". How you perceive and feel love from your partner is a key piece of information that your partner should know. The problem is lots of couples fail to recognize this and find themselves in patterns that don't work for them.
Good stuff sanPietro98. I highlighted your number three because I completely agree. People ask me all the time how can a person know when they have met the right partner for them. My response is always the same, you know you are ready to get married when can honestly say it is your desire to willingly spend the rest of your life serving the other person. Relationships that are rooted in selfishness or the pursuit to find a person that meets "your needs" will always fall short.
I think spontaneity is important too, even if its just the little things. Earlier in the year when all that Cadbury/Kraft thing happened me and the girlfriend declared it our year of the Dairy Milk. Out of the blue a few days ago she turned up with a king sized bar. In the grand scheme of things its tiny and insignificant, but its so important.
Well mister, let me tell you something! Thanks for the apology.
Great, cause I really didn't mean to be offensive. Just out of curiosity, and since you got thick skin you won't mind if I ask why you are dispensing all these free advices, haven't you had enough at work today?
Great, cause I really didn't mean to be offensive. Just out of curiosity, and since you got thick skin you won't mind if I ask why you are dispensing all these free advices, haven't you had enough at work today?
Good question. Well, I think my personality and passions are a large part of what contributed to my choice to become a therapist. I am fascinated by people and love helping others. I'm pretty outspoken and solid in my beliefs and convictions, one of which is that all of life is about relationships. I enjoy the social aspect and the interpersonal relationships that I have found in a few online communities, one of which is MacRumors. In my current job I don't do as much direct care work as I used to and so I don't feel burned out or find the interaction here to be stressful at all.
I'd like to believe my presence in this community is positive for others and that my threads or posts are useful whether it be educational, supportive, challenging, or humorous. The other thing is this, I tell every client I work with that I will learn more from them than they will ever learn from me. I firmly believe this and I think it also applies to my online relationships as well. I've learned a lot through my interactions with others on MacRumors and am grateful to have had those experiences. This encourages me to remain active so that I can learn more and possibly give back to others in the process.
I hope that answers your question.
BRILLIANCE.
I have a long answer for this (which I posted elsewhere
We have fun together. We trust each other. We support each other. We learned how to communicate effectively. We value small gestures of thoughtfulness and appreciation. We have similar interests and personalities. We have sex a lot.
Been very happily married for 3 years now.
I couldn't have typed it any better, so I just quoted you. This, exactly. Except that we'll be married 5 years this May.
It's all about trust, having faith in each other, enjoying each others' company, having actual intellectual conversations, having a sense of humor, and being best friends.
Have a strong foundation for marriage built on Jesus. My wife and I just yesterday went to the Focus on Marriage conference put on by Focus on the Family. This is our second time going to a simulcast and we plan on going to future ones as well.
www.focusonthefamily.org
Also check out the Parrots
http://www.realrelationships.com/
www.focusonthefamily.org
Also check out the Parrots
http://www.realrelationships.com/
I have a long answer for this (which I posted elsewhere
We have fun together. We trust each other. We support each other. We learned how to communicate effectively. We value small gestures of thoughtfulness and appreciation. We have similar interests and personalities. We have sex a lot.
Been very happily married for 3 years now.
^this though inserting kinky between have and sex
Lisa and I have been together coming up to 3 years now, while we've little interest in getting ghey married we're as good as commitment wise.
On the very rare occasions that things go a little off the rails it's generally been due to being too distracted by other things, it's just important to make time for each other.
When I marry I think my marriage will be built on a similar basis. However, I find that most marriages have a strong foundation built on the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster. Just the other day, I went to the Focus on Flying Spaghetti and YOU conference put on by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. While some may say that this religion is a parody, I am in no way mocking you. I love The Flying Spaghetti Monster and all of his disciples.
http://www.venganza.org/
May you live in spaghetti filled times,
King Mook Mook
^^^ King Mook Mook, in all honesty, your post discourages me. I mentioned in my OP that there are no good or bad answers here. What works for one couple may not work for another and, of course, people's feelings about relationships are going to be closely tied to their beliefs about morality, life, religion, social interaction, etc., etc.. Being sarcastic about someone else's religious beliefs is simply not cool and it runs the risk of pushing this thread into the PRSI where not all will be able to participate.
For everyone who has posted and would like to post in this thread in the future, let's try to respect each other's differences and learn from one another's relationship experiences as opposed to being critical or picking at each other if we do not agree.
For everyone who has posted and would like to post in this thread in the future, let's try to respect each other's differences and learn from one another's relationship experiences as opposed to being critical or picking at each other if we do not agree.
I'm amazed at how different my relationship works as opposed to most here. The thought of spending all my free time with my partner causes me to panic. I certainly miss him if I didn't see him regularly but we also have separate lives/friends etc. I don't think I could have a partner that needed to be with me every minute when I'm not at work. Since we're often doing different things, that means we have to give each other a lot of leeway and understanding.
We love each other and each of us knows it--less from what we say to one another but more from our actions. We certainly tell each other how much we love one another but not daily. When we have a rare fight we usually do it over email strangely enough. You can't interrupt an email and both of us gets to say what we want. Later we meet in person and more calmly discuss the issue.
We love each other and each of us knows it--less from what we say to one another but more from our actions. We certainly tell each other how much we love one another but not daily. When we have a rare fight we usually do it over email strangely enough. You can't interrupt an email and both of us gets to say what we want. Later we meet in person and more calmly discuss the issue.