Um...?
And because I really love using this...
And because I really love using this...
Got a tip for us?
Let us know
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.
What’s on your mind?
- Thread starter Gutwrench
- Start date
- Sort by reaction score
Hugs to all.
@Scepticalscribe sending you especially big hugs today.
Nothing new to say on the mom front, no news is good news. 🙂
@Scepticalscribe sending you especially big hugs today.
Nothing new to say on the mom front, no news is good news. 🙂
Hugs gratefully received and thank you kindly for them, and thanks to everyone who wrote kind words and sent thoughts and good wishes. They are very much appreciated.
While it is "only" online, this is one of the main ways we communicate these days, and it does help and it does make a considerable difference.
Last edited:
Oh I know very well the urban legend* surrounding this game - I do actually remember lots of video arcade games that are not around anymore.
*Or was it???
I have the PS4 version of the contemporary game and it's fun to play now and then. However, mystery abounds regarding the lore of the perceived original...Oh I know very well the urban legend* surrounding this game - I do actually remember lots of video arcade games that are not around anymore.
*Or was it???
Happy Winter Solstice everyone! Well except what's the point with rain and grey - makes the early dark worse. Second Xmas alone here btw, last Xmas at home wasn't too great and given Mom's visit this summer my situation and shorter time off really won't allow a trip back. That said, I am seeing some big things coming in the New Year so it's not too bad. I am even trying to get a little more Xmas spirit with music but not sure about decorating.
Oh and for a funny (maybe) rant, not to ruffle anyone's feathers but I saw two different people posting pro-vegetarian/vegan posts on social media. One a former colleague who "converted" after health problems, the second a singer/youtuber who is kind of "hot" to use another esteemed poster's definition. What made me roll my eyes is both are cat owners (ownees?) the "celebrity" posted about factory faming over a picture of her cat. I resisted asking what she feeds her cat and I actually would never ask my former colleague as she is actually a very nice person.
Minor rant over - have a nice solstice, heading out for coffee and groceries as shops are open here today because of Xmas.
[automerge]1577014159[/automerge]
One more thing...screw spoilers on Twitter. People can think a bit at least post *SPOILER*. I will have to go to the new SW soon.
Oh and for a funny (maybe) rant, not to ruffle anyone's feathers but I saw two different people posting pro-vegetarian/vegan posts on social media. One a former colleague who "converted" after health problems, the second a singer/youtuber who is kind of "hot" to use another esteemed poster's definition. What made me roll my eyes is both are cat owners (ownees?) the "celebrity" posted about factory faming over a picture of her cat. I resisted asking what she feeds her cat and I actually would never ask my former colleague as she is actually a very nice person.
Minor rant over - have a nice solstice, heading out for coffee and groceries as shops are open here today because of Xmas.
[automerge]1577014159[/automerge]
One more thing...screw spoilers on Twitter. People can think a bit at least post *SPOILER*. I will have to go to the new SW soon.
That explains the sudden stampede of brontosaurus, tyrannosaurus, velociraptor, and pter...pterod...pterodac.... dang, I can never pronounce those things.
@decafjava New SW is best of this trilogy, but still problematic, imo. That said, one of the new characters had a decent resolution so there is that.
Will not spoil it for anyone.
@Gutwrench the flying dinos, same here.
Will not spoil it for anyone.
@Gutwrench the flying dinos, same here.
I am pretty sure that in no known universe are cats vegetarians, let alone vegans.
Last edited:
I have seen raw foodists give their cats raw meat (Some raw food folks do eat red meat raw), but I definitely agree with you: cats are carnivores.
Carnivores, they are yes, with a preferred diet of birds, mice and fish; I could never imagine a cat deigning to sniff, let alone eat, a lentil salad, (and I am quite partial to lentil soups, or lentils as one might find them served in France, prepared with olive oil, garlic, very finely diced onions, as a side dish) or a bowl of horribly healthy muesli.
I can sympathise with a diet comprised of prawns; my brother and I are more than partial to prawns, also.
Somehow, in Asian restaurants, I am drawn to the prawn dishes - I am more than perfectly capable of having two or three different prawn (shrimp) dishes simultaneously.
Likewise, with fish dishes - if prawns make an appearance, on any menu, there has to be an exceptionally good dish elsewhere to persuade me to forego them.
Spanish prawn dishes.........chowders with shellfish......
When I was a boy we often had shrimps. They were bought by the pint - actually measured out with a pewter beer pot - from street stalls that also sold other seafood such as winkles and eels, and we kids would sit around the kitchen table pulling the heads and tails off them. But I've not seen shrimps on sale for 50 years or more, they just seem to have disappeared from the British market.
Yes I've found that it really can be good to have something --anything-- a little festive in the way of decor in the house for the winter holidays. An acknowledgment no matter how that our ancient kin had something going for them in trying to install some merriness into the gloom around the time of the solstice. Even if I'm not in the mood. Or perhaps especially if not in the mood!
It occurs to me now, not one but two Christmases after my ancient kitties moved on to the next life, that I could once again have a large Christmas tree in the house and not have to wire it to the ceiling and walls to make sure it continues pretending it's standing in a forest...
However, I've become so used to my erstwhile cat-proof ways of flashing a little seasonal decoration that I've decided to stick to an antique foot-tall tree with paper ornaments nestled into its branches, and a collection of holiday cards updated over the years and strung onto a yarn arc to go across the open pocket doors between library and living room. Plus a few isolated nods to the season like a little greenery here and there with a few special Christmas ornaments. The cats always left my little tree and the other stuff alone for some reason (advancing laziness, like mine?) and I was grateful.
I hope everyone celebrating a winter holiday has an enjoyable time despite what can be hectic in the approach. We're all meant to slow down a little over winter I think, or that's what the gloom of November and December suggests to me. But that concept sure does make for collisions with the sometimes harrowing obligations to prepare for "command appearances" at formal holiday celebrations with family and friends. Weird how if we don't or can't make those connections, it can tear at us, but when we must show up for them, it can sometimes seem equally painful.
The time of a holiday season does pass at its own pace, no matter if we're watching a clock and thinking it too slow, or having a great time and ending up feeling that a day has vanished while--as my grandmother's kitchen helper once comically opined-- "never even setting its full weight down." She was always frantic trying to get the gravy thickened or not too thick in the last ten minutes before holiday dinners. 🙀
Lovely post, and thanks for sharing.
For most of the past decade, on account of my mother's dementia, and the challenges of dealing with that - the first few years after her diagnosis when she was still mobile, - sort of like a seven year old, or a five year old child - state supports were withdrawn at Christmas (well, they needed their break, too), which made the Yuletide season even more challenging, as this was a learning curve, for us, too.
One of the ways we dealt with it was by culling Christmas excess, and pruning seasonal traditions to the bone; until two years ago, we did manage a tree, my Other Brother and my German sister-in-law - who takes Christmas and its associated traditions very seriously indeed, visiting and putting up and decorating the tree (with some very nice, wooden, hand-made German decorations, mostly bought by myself over the past few decades, and understated white lights).
By 2016, my mother was no longer mobile, - although by then we did receive full state support in terms of home care packages, including care over Christmas - so the physical expression of Christmas and the Yuletide season took place in two rooms, the living room with the decorated tree, and her bedroom, which was festive.
However, last year, my sister-in-law fell ill, and they cancelled their annual tree dressing trip, and, a week later (December 21st, just before midnight), my mother died, succumbing to pneumonia; over the actual Christmas, we were busy with funeral arrangements, - I spent Christmas Day cooking a chicken casserole and writing my mother's eulogy, - while my sister-in-law, still ill, was barely able to stagger through some of the ceremonies, and indeed, missed the actual funeral of my mother, as she was felled with flu, which my brother - Other Brother, her husband - subsequently caught from her a day later.
Thus, in the circumstances, we thought it best to give Christmas traditions a complete miss last year, as no room, other than my mother's, had been festively decorated with nice lights and candles (which had been done by the wonderful Filipina carer we had, who had lived with us for six years and cared for my mother superbly and with affection and warmth and extraordinary caring competence).
So, my mother was seen off by candles, (lovely lavender and citrus ones), lovely but discreet white Christmas lights, a calendar featuring hunky firemen - she loved firemen in a state of undress - while pictures of other firemen, fetchingly not quite clad - and not part of a calendar, adorned her wardrobe door - the doctor was most impressed and made a point of letting us know - and ABBA which she adored, playing on an almost endless loop.
That last day, she didn't have Mr Monkey - her adored brown, battered, bedraggled, grubby, shabby, but loved to bits, furry toy - she usually fell asleep on her back, both hands clutching Mr Monkey who was resting on her chest, a smile on her face, no other toy (and there are several, still on her windowsill) evoked anything like the same response - as she had been sick on him two nights earlier. That last day, Mr Monkey had been washed by the carer, and was seated on a towel on a radiator, drying out, waiting to be ready to be re-united with his mistress.
He never was, as he didn't dry in time, but we were holding her hands as the end approached, so, while he would have been welcome, he wasn't actually needed.
While the CD of ABBA (and I must write to that group to thank them for the sheer joy they gave my mother for the last few years of her life - I must say that I know that CD almost intimately) went into the coffin to accompany my mother on her journey (shades of how the Egyptians and other pre-Christian societies addressed this) along with other things (for example, a book of crosswords, for she had loved crosswords when she was still mentally sharp) and sundry objects which had some meaning, the carer counselled that we keep Mr Monkey - "for memories", she said - rather than have him accompany my mother to the next life.
So, he still sits on her windowsill, brown, battered and bedraggled, accompanied by other pristine toys she never touched other than to politely acknowledge them, and I visited him and greeted him today, to remind myself of Mother, but also to smile at how much he was loved and what comfort he gave her.
Actually, I was reminded of the beautiful, bitter-sweet, moving and powerful dialogue between the Rabbit and the Skin Horse in "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margaret Williams Bianco, when the Rabbit asks the Horse whether it is possible to become real:
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt... You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Last edited:
@Scepticalscribe
What a beautiful post.... encompasses so many of the human possibilities of what the season can mean in terms of joys, sorrows, exasperations and memories both fond and sad. And I so love the Velveteen Rabbit story. It always reminds me of a real Teddy Bear that was so loved for several generations of my family that he was practically hairless by time my youngest brother wouldn't sleep without having it in the bed with him.
I do miss some of the traditions that we had as kids... things like taking a straw wreath with a few bits of greenery in it out to the cow barn just before midnight, checking to see if they were kneeling --we had heard that old poem of Thomas Hardy* read to us from infancy at Christmas -- and alsoo listening to learn if they would really speak at midnight. The speaking of stabled animals on the eve of the Nativity was another feature of our Christmas folklore. Then we'd dish out a few way off-schedule snacks to tide the cows through the remainder of their Christmas Eve snooze we had interrupted.
I had a treasured Georg Jensen straw wreath from Denmark that someone in the city had given me one year and that I liked well enough to bring upstate with me. Jensen's are known for their silverware and assorted other Scandinavian home decor items, but at least back in the day they always had some elaborate straw ornaments at Christmas time. I used to hang that wreath in the interior hallway of my apartment, on the coat closet door, and smile to remember our childhood tradition of taking a wreath out to the cowbarn.
Anyway the second year I was up here in the boondocks I realized I'd lost track of my wreath as I was setting up for the holidays and (very briefly) wondered where the heck it was. It was just a passing thought, the kind of thing can be chased away for keeps by a ringing phone or the interruption of some more urgent item on the mental to-do list for holiday preparations.
Right, so I discovered that lost wreath in the spring --a few years later-- and laughed out loud, suddenly remembering I'd trudged through then suddenly accumulating snow out to my woodshed in my first Christmas at this then new-to-me fixer-upper home. There was no cow barn of course, but I'd stuck the wreath on a penny nail in one of the wall studs out there with great satisfaction, and left it for the birds or squirrels to wonder over, along with a plate of sunflower seed left on one of the utility shelves.
Of course I had promptly forgot about all that in the ensuing excitement of having my first Christmas up there turn into a memorable blizzard --with temperatures falling to -25ºF and wind howling as it piled up seven-foot drifts in places I hadn't imagined being unable to get to... like that woodshed.
Fortunately my wood that year had been piled in front of the barn door near where I parked my car, so I was eventually able to get to it and replenish the supply on the deck after my driveways were plowed. And after that blizzard experience, I never did pile wood for a current season in that woodshed out back. It's still tagged as "my woodshed" but is instead more a potting shed (and home of a phoebe in the nesting season) and over winters just a place to keep some cedar lawn furniture and decorative containers for summer's annual flowers.
*Here's that poem about the oxen at Christmas, for those unfamiliar with it.
What a beautiful post.... encompasses so many of the human possibilities of what the season can mean in terms of joys, sorrows, exasperations and memories both fond and sad. And I so love the Velveteen Rabbit story. It always reminds me of a real Teddy Bear that was so loved for several generations of my family that he was practically hairless by time my youngest brother wouldn't sleep without having it in the bed with him.
I do miss some of the traditions that we had as kids... things like taking a straw wreath with a few bits of greenery in it out to the cow barn just before midnight, checking to see if they were kneeling --we had heard that old poem of Thomas Hardy* read to us from infancy at Christmas -- and alsoo listening to learn if they would really speak at midnight. The speaking of stabled animals on the eve of the Nativity was another feature of our Christmas folklore. Then we'd dish out a few way off-schedule snacks to tide the cows through the remainder of their Christmas Eve snooze we had interrupted.
I had a treasured Georg Jensen straw wreath from Denmark that someone in the city had given me one year and that I liked well enough to bring upstate with me. Jensen's are known for their silverware and assorted other Scandinavian home decor items, but at least back in the day they always had some elaborate straw ornaments at Christmas time. I used to hang that wreath in the interior hallway of my apartment, on the coat closet door, and smile to remember our childhood tradition of taking a wreath out to the cowbarn.
Anyway the second year I was up here in the boondocks I realized I'd lost track of my wreath as I was setting up for the holidays and (very briefly) wondered where the heck it was. It was just a passing thought, the kind of thing can be chased away for keeps by a ringing phone or the interruption of some more urgent item on the mental to-do list for holiday preparations.
Right, so I discovered that lost wreath in the spring --a few years later-- and laughed out loud, suddenly remembering I'd trudged through then suddenly accumulating snow out to my woodshed in my first Christmas at this then new-to-me fixer-upper home. There was no cow barn of course, but I'd stuck the wreath on a penny nail in one of the wall studs out there with great satisfaction, and left it for the birds or squirrels to wonder over, along with a plate of sunflower seed left on one of the utility shelves.
Of course I had promptly forgot about all that in the ensuing excitement of having my first Christmas up there turn into a memorable blizzard --with temperatures falling to -25ºF and wind howling as it piled up seven-foot drifts in places I hadn't imagined being unable to get to... like that woodshed.
Fortunately my wood that year had been piled in front of the barn door near where I parked my car, so I was eventually able to get to it and replenish the supply on the deck after my driveways were plowed. And after that blizzard experience, I never did pile wood for a current season in that woodshed out back. It's still tagged as "my woodshed" but is instead more a potting shed (and home of a phoebe in the nesting season) and over winters just a place to keep some cedar lawn furniture and decorative containers for summer's annual flowers.
*Here's that poem about the oxen at Christmas, for those unfamiliar with it.
The Oxen
(Thomas Hardy; 1915)
Christmas Eve, and twelve of the clock,
“Now they are all on their knees,”
An elder said as we sat in a flock
By the embers in hearthside ease.
We pictured the meek mild creatures where
They dwelt in their strawy pen,
Nor did it occur to one of us there
To doubt they were kneeling then.
So fair a fancy few would weave
In these years! Yet, I feel,
If someone said on Christmas Eve,
“Come; see the oxen kneel
"In the lonely barton by yonder coomb
Our childhood used to know,”
I should go with him in the gloom,
Hoping it might be so.
What's on my mind, today? Well, since you asked, why is my HR department continuously allowing certain employees to do what they want, when they want?
As a leader, when I try to take action, I am force to do more work, i.e. provide even more evidence, before we can give that person (who clearly is not doing their job) a Written Warning. The struggle has been this way since I started 7 months ago.
Honestly, I feel as if I am fighting a losing battle. In particular, 2 employees seem to constantly not do their job, despite how I press them, or address it with HR. There is always a loop hole for these 2.
Stresses of leadership...
As a leader, when I try to take action, I am force to do more work, i.e. provide even more evidence, before we can give that person (who clearly is not doing their job) a Written Warning. The struggle has been this way since I started 7 months ago.
Honestly, I feel as if I am fighting a losing battle. In particular, 2 employees seem to constantly not do their job, despite how I press them, or address it with HR. There is always a loop hole for these 2.
Stresses of leadership...
Maybe you are fighting a losing battle and the HR group is feeling constrained by their own rules in how to communicate that to you. In other words, it's possible that your perception of having to jump through extra hoops to get to where you want to arrive --regarding status of your two cited employees-- is not just a part of HR's usual procedures but also a kind of warning message to you as a supervisor.
Handling something "by the book" via HR is necessary for at least two good reasons:
1. To avoid lawsuits for discrimination later on
2. To avoid getting canned trying to get someone else canned
In most cases I suspect an HR staffer is not likely to just come out and tell a supervisory employee that he or she is maybe edging into the territory of item 2 there.
Absolutely documentation all the way is imperative when assessing an employee's performance, especially if it is not at the expected level. That was one of the first things drummed into me when I first became a supervisor of other staff. Document-document-document!!!! Yes, it isn't always convenient, and yes, it can feel a bit creepy at times, but it is necessary. Specific, accurate documentation cannot be disputed, and the situation does not then become a "he says, she says" kind of thing.
However, along with that documentation, it is also important for the supervisor to work with the employee to help him or her improve in the area which is lacking; for example, if he or she is repeatedly late for work, the supervisor needs to address that and inquire what circumstances may be behind this, and offer suggestions to the employee as to how things can change. The ball is then in the employee's hands. This also sets things up so that if the employee does not make an effort and continues the problematic behavior (and again this is documented) this provides a stronger case for any sort of disciplinary action.
The immediate supervisor and his or her immediate supervisor, the first-and-second lines of supervision, are the ones primarily responsible for guiding, directing, monitoring and potentially disciplining an employee, not so much the HR department. Personnel there need strong evidence and proof of behaviors and clearly seen demonstration of poor performance before they can then do their part, especially when it comes to firing an employee. Obviously gross misconduct will bring swift action, but most of the time a disciplinary action or outright firing comes only after documentation as developed by the immediate supervisor provides clear and indisputable evidence of a distinct pattern of poor work performance and failure to work up to the expected standards of the job.
However, along with that documentation, it is also important for the supervisor to work with the employee to help him or her improve in the area which is lacking; for example, if he or she is repeatedly late for work, the supervisor needs to address that and inquire what circumstances may be behind this, and offer suggestions to the employee as to how things can change. The ball is then in the employee's hands. This also sets things up so that if the employee does not make an effort and continues the problematic behavior (and again this is documented) this provides a stronger case for any sort of disciplinary action.
The immediate supervisor and his or her immediate supervisor, the first-and-second lines of supervision, are the ones primarily responsible for guiding, directing, monitoring and potentially disciplining an employee, not so much the HR department. Personnel there need strong evidence and proof of behaviors and clearly seen demonstration of poor performance before they can then do their part, especially when it comes to firing an employee. Obviously gross misconduct will bring swift action, but most of the time a disciplinary action or outright firing comes only after documentation as developed by the immediate supervisor provides clear and indisputable evidence of a distinct pattern of poor work performance and failure to work up to the expected standards of the job.
Beautiful and moving post, @LizKat and thanks for sharing.
Agree completely.
Excellent and well-argued post.
I would add to that that there are different schools, and styles, of leadership.
In my experience, - especially with students - positive reinforcement has always yielded far more positive dividends than negative feedback.
There were teachers who were negative, but I used to ask myself whether I preferred to find fault (with what were sometimes atrocious term papers) or try to persuade the student to want to improve and to want to work at doing so.
Telling people that they could improve (rather than that they should improve) tended to work a lot better.
Last edited:
Thanks all for your responses. All very valid things to consider and do.
My plan is to make even more of an effort in 2020 for following up with emails, to my verbal conversations.
I think part of my failure has been documenting the verbal conversations (via email to the employee in question). Then the employees states X or Y was never stated. Alas, like others have stated, all too easy for a "He said, she said..." scenario...
My plan is to make even more of an effort in 2020 for following up with emails, to my verbal conversations.
I think part of my failure has been documenting the verbal conversations (via email to the employee in question). Then the employees states X or Y was never stated. Alas, like others have stated, all too easy for a "He said, she said..." scenario...
It is always useful to document something which can be clearly noted, with time, date, place, etc., and if there were any others present at the time. The documentation is kept not so much for the employee's eyes but for the supervisor's and those above him or her..... The documentation is then available at the time of a meeting with the employee or performance evaluation, as a backup to the discussion if needed.
And, yes, it is very important to present a positive attitude towards the employee, conveying the impression that you have good faith in his or her ability to make the suggested changes and improvements. Also it is good strategy to ask for his or her thoughts about how this might be approached, how this would be implemented, which encourages him or her to buy into the idea in the first place and to take responsibility.
The employee needs to understand that in the end it IS his or her responsibility and that if he or she is unwilling or unable to manage whatever is being suggested, and by either action or inaction demonstrates this, then he or she needs to realize that there will be consequences. Usually a specific time period is set in place, too, providing a framework for the employee to work within. This ensures that the employee realizes the seriousness of the matter and that the choice is up to him or her how things move forward. In some cases the employee doesn't really care and the process moves to the next level, which inexorably leads to the level after that and a firing..... Of course it is hoped that the employee will make a serious and earnest effort to improve his or her performance and to do what is needed to make the whole situation significantly better, in which case everyone is much happier.
And, yes, it is very important to present a positive attitude towards the employee, conveying the impression that you have good faith in his or her ability to make the suggested changes and improvements. Also it is good strategy to ask for his or her thoughts about how this might be approached, how this would be implemented, which encourages him or her to buy into the idea in the first place and to take responsibility.
The employee needs to understand that in the end it IS his or her responsibility and that if he or she is unwilling or unable to manage whatever is being suggested, and by either action or inaction demonstrates this, then he or she needs to realize that there will be consequences. Usually a specific time period is set in place, too, providing a framework for the employee to work within. This ensures that the employee realizes the seriousness of the matter and that the choice is up to him or her how things move forward. In some cases the employee doesn't really care and the process moves to the next level, which inexorably leads to the level after that and a firing..... Of course it is hoped that the employee will make a serious and earnest effort to improve his or her performance and to do what is needed to make the whole situation significantly better, in which case everyone is much happier.