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What's the meaning of love?

quagmire said:
I am a really nice guy. Everyone at my job agrees( even she does). They all say I am one of the nicest guys they know and I am very funny. So I can't help, but ask the question, am I too nice for my own good? I mean when I go to get something from the vending machine I ask them if they want anything and if they do I pay for it. I stay after my shift ends and walk them to their cars. But, am I doomed forever due to my personality?
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But not humble. :p



Surprise kiss? Please don't.

Necklace? Really? Firstly, it's a bit weird if she doesn't like you that way.

Secondly, if this breakup happened last week or something, it's too soon for her. It doesn't matter if she broke up with him.

I think it's all a bit too over-the-top unless she has given you hints that she's interested in you, but feel free to disagree.
 
If she were to use the 'I don't want to ruin the relationship we have' card, it's nothing to do with you being friends, it's just a polite way of saying 'you're nice, but not my type.'

Just read your update... I don't know about giving expensive gifts if you're not yet in a relationship. Why not try to just be a person, hang out with her, and see how things go. Giving a gift like that puts more pressure on her than I think you intend.
 
Skip the gift (it won't come across as thoughtful; it will come across as inappropriate).

Skip the kiss (it won't come across at all).

Here's what you do:

You don't text her or email her, you call her up, you make small talk for approximately 60 seconds. Then you ask her out. You say that you'd like to take her out to (a movie/dinner/show/whatever). You take any answer other than yes as "no", and you take it as 100% final.
 
Iscariot said:
Skip the gift (it won't come across as thoughtful; it will come across as inappropriate).

Skip the kiss (it won't come across at all).

Here's what you do:

You don't text her or email her, you call her up, you make small talk for approximately 60 seconds. Then you ask her out. You say that you'd like to take her out to (a movie/dinner/show/whatever). You take any answer other than yes as "no", and you take it as 100% final.
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I agree with Iscariot in that you should be direct, sensitive, but direct. However, at 19, she as no clue what she wants and may be struggling with this situation as much as you are. Fear of rejection can be very strong with teenage girls. Don't assume anything. If you really believe that there is something between the two of you, remain her friend, try to make it more, but be patient. You have no idea what's going on in her head, and chances are, she doesn't either! If this relationship is special to you, wait it out a little, and pay very close attention.
 
Iscariot said:
Skip the gift (it won't come across as thoughtful; it will come across as inappropriate).

Skip the kiss (it won't come across at all).

Here's what you do:

You don't text her or email her, you call her up, you make small talk for approximately 60 seconds. Then you ask her out. You say that you'd like to take her out to (a movie/dinner/show/whatever). You take any answer other than yes as "no", and you take it as 100% final.
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If every guy followed this advice, he would save a lot of time.
 
Iscariot said:
I'm fairly confident it won't be followed, because it never is. Every guy who wants to take himself off the market for a romantic ideal is one less I have to compete with.
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Yeah, and not to mention, if every guy followed this advice, the loss in jewelry/flowers/booze to drown away sadness sales would be a significant blow to the economy.
 
I wouldn't worry about it. I've got friends who are completely average, run of the mill people. They went to college, they get drunk, they're the same as everyone else who has girlfriends...
But they've never so much as even had a proper kiss. And these are 22 year olds. They're just shy or extremely picky. Whereas I'm a manwhore who always needs a girlfriend by my side (that's more to do with my personality though, I like to know fewer people but be very close to them).

You'll be right in time. It's possibly one of the worse clichés but it's completely true - Love will find you when you're not looking for it. 6 years ago it happened to me after a nightmarish series of relationships at school.


But what is love? I don't know exactly. For me it's a feeling of security and excitement, of a near unbreakable partnership. Manifesting itself as a desire to spend a stupid amount of time with that person, to experience much of the world together. It's powerful enough to make stable people do stupid things. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
 
Also the realisation that life is not worth living without them, I get so miserable away from those I love that it physically hurts.
 
I am going to have to chime in on this. I think you will know when you love someone, but I don't personally believe in love at first sight. In fact I don't really know if I love the girl I am with at this time. You met someone who you find amazing and that is great but if you try to rush into a relationship with that person before you actually spend some more time with that person (outside of work) than you will not really know that person. One of the big problems I have had with the girl I am currently with is that we were never friends, we met on match.com and talked for only a few days before meeting in person and the first night she was all over me. I knew that what we had was lust for each other and not love but I hadn't gotten that kind of attention from a woman in a long time and so I decided to date her. Don't let the fact that you may want attention from someone of the opposite sex let you rush into any kind of relationship.

But more importantly your desire to be with her might make you come off as a bit scary for her (i.e. the card and if you give her the necklace). I mean before I started dating the girl I am currently with I met a nice lady at work and not only was there an immediate physical attraction but after talking to her for like five minutes I was really interested in getting to know her more. So she worked in Wireless and I would go and talk to her when I had the free time. Now that her and I are friends (I found out later she was a lesbian and what a bummer that was for me because this was right before I was going to ask her out but I am glad she is happy) she has told me that she was a bit freaked in the beginning because I would go over to her department like once a day to chat with her. I think I came off too strong and that wasn't how I meant it.

Giving the card might have come off as too strong and giving her the necklace would send the wrong message. So you just have to wait it out. Also don't get into a relationship that you ever have any doubts about or you will end up in my current situation.
 
^^ Back at graduation when the limo crashed at the end of our driveway after dropping us back home, we went into her car and reflected on our friendship. She said she thought I was a nutcase originally because I always smiled. She thought there was something wrong with me. :) But, then said that I grew up in front of her, but didn't exactly elaborate on what she meant as growing up.
 
It means she has you by the gonads. You have no choice but to be obsessed and 'stuck' on this one particular girl for the next 18 months, with absolutely no progress.

Gonads, my friend. Gonads.
 
Abstract said:
It means she has you by the gonads. You have no choice but to be obsessed and 'stuck' on this one particular girl for the next 18 months, with absolutely no progress.

Gonads, my friend. Gonads.
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What are these mysterious 'gonads' I keep hearing about? I'd love buy a case or so for myself, you know, just to have them on hand.
 
It seems like she doesn't like you in the same way you like her. Skip the present, it's supplicating and she won't think of you in a different light (except weird) for it. Do what Iscariot said and just ask her to dinner. If she waffles on it, say you have other stuff to do. You are letting her control you.
 
quagmire,

great opening post

since you are a young adult, you have learned a lot already in life, but as strange as this seems, you will have a lot more to learn

i am in my 40s and i certainly have not figured it all out but have figured out just enough to know that love comes in many forms

what you have is love for your female co-worker, but whether it is romantic or platonic is probably yet to be seen over the long run

when i was your age, i placed romantic love in a high position, but platonic love higher only because i never really planned on having any romantic relationship last as i would never want to get married that early

male and female friends i had at your age outlasted my romantic relationships with girls/women

the highest level of love, which i didn't quite understand, but sensed, was the love for god or a higher power as this was the only source that could never let you down...and it's the best way to use it as a self improvement tool

when i had a girlfriend, at age 18, i was usually in a good mood but could still harbor bad feelings towards others...and same goes with friends and liking them but disliking others or people who crossed me

but real love, or the highest form of it, when you love your god/higher power, it becomes very hard to dislike others

i know this sounds all religious or twelve step like, but it's as honest an answer as i can come up with

i sincerely hope this helps
 
ErikCLDR said:
Love is an illusion that exists for survival of the human race.
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i would call that lust in its biological sense since plenty of people are born out of lustful events, even and often between two people who hardly know each other

but real love, of thy neighbor, can keep us from killing ourselves off and that is certainly not an illusion
 
This is where my Ex has mine. :eek:

hitch_t220.jpg
 
"O, how this spring of love resembleth The uncertain glory of an April day!" -- Two Gentlemen of Verona

Oh to be young again:)...bleh (Don't wanna go through puberty again.:p). My advice is not to do anything you'll regret later on ie. Tatooing the girl's name to you arm/chest/leg etc. When you're young you should just live, love and learn. Do what comes naturally. If you follow some book's/forum's/website's dating advice, you'll never be yourself. You want the girl to love you for you.

Remember the old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I forget who said that.
 
She doesn't want the attention. Give her the necklace, since it's her birthday. Don't you dare "surprise kiss" her. "Surprise kissing" works about as well as "surprise @#$%ing."

Just back off. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's the best thing for you, the best thing for her, and the best thing for the relationship. If she's interested, she'll come after you.

63dot said:
the highest level of love, which i didn't quite understand, but sensed, was the love for god or a higher power as this was the only source that could never let you down...
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Didn't quite make it to the Book of Job, eh?
 
"Women give sex in order to get love; men give love in order to get sex."
Frederica Mathewes-Green - Gender: Men, Women, Sex and Feminism
 
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