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Who else here doesn't get their girlfriends?
- Thread starter atenista101
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To each his own.
Personally, I've had relationships like that before. I will never will go back to like that again.
On a different note, competition within marriage is also bad.
IMHO, harmony with your partner -- if you are lucky enough to find a good one --- is a much better way to enjoy life.
FWIW, in the past 30 years of knowing various couples, I have yet to know one couple that survived where the they competed with one another, or had frequent heated arguments. Guess it gets old after a while.
To each his own.
Personally, I've had relationships like that before. I will never will go back to like that again.
IMHO, harmony with your partner -- if you are lucky enough to find a good one --- is a much better way to enjoy life.
im not saying that we are constantly fighting. 95% we are fine but when we fight oh well it's pretty intense to say the least. and when you live with someone it is never 100% happy land. the OP obviously isnt living with the girl but no relationship is 100% trouble free and if it is then that is a very very bad relationship.
Let's just say that your response is similar to others I've seen where folks are in relationships that don't work out in the long run.
I sincerely wish you the best. However, I see some red flags in the way you said what you did. Sorry.
You're right. You don't get girls. They really aren't that complicated. Here are two good rules for you to follow.
1. Don't lie.
2. Care.
When you say "what should I say to make it better?" you are basically saying "I don't care enough to put effort in to this and to try to think about how to make this better... so just tell me how to get out of it easily". Girls see this as disrespectful. If you get into a tight spot with her, identify what you did wrong, why it upset her, and, most importantly - communicate. It's hard for a guy to get used to, this communication thing, but you'll figure it out.
"what should I say to make it better?"
"don't be (sad/mad/up set/that way)"
Two of the worst things you can possibly say to a girl. They both are basically a cop out and you might as well say "I don't care, I just don't want to deal with this"
PM me if you have questions.
I was going to write a flip response to the OP saying effectively that no one 'gets them' but emt1 has a point here. First, emt1 is right that the reason you get the reaction you do is because your question is interpreted a cop out. It may be that, kind of like me, you ask in a rhetorical way just to indicate that you do care but are at a complete loss. But if that is the case, then you need to qualify your question quickly and actually say what you feel.
The other bigger life experience here is to learn to communicate. When communication breaks down or was never there in a relationship, things can become very nasty. Resentments build up, fester, etc. I can't emphasize how important this is. I am currently the ear for two of my closest friends who are going through a divorce (two friends, separate relationships) and it's just heartbreaking. Their relationships broke down because communication broke down.
Also, try to empathize with her. If her parents are as strict as you say they are and she is unhappy about it, she will have issues that may be very hard for you to understand. Try to be comfortable with not understanding.
edit: I just read your second response. One of two things I see here. Either she has issues or, more likely, you are making excuses and not aware of it. You don't have to explain why you said/did/ didn't say/didn't do something. True or not, it appears that you (royal 'you' here) are trying to wriggle out of it. You'd need to give a concrete example since anything I'm likely to come up with is way beyond your comfort zone (me being a married parent).
This is so true.
I would add that communication does not mean talking. It means listening to each other with both ears.
I can empathize with you. Definitely not a fun position to be in. And when it turns nasty, it's heartbreaking.
ok buddy. i hope you find a girl/guy that you never fight with.
If you "fight" with your significant other... it's time to break up. Everyone has disagreements though, and when your response is "don't be mad. what should I say to make it better?" .. that is a real problem.
i dunno. i think it is pretty weird of people to judge someone's relationship based on what they put on a forum. granted he did write here asking our opinions but we dont really know anything. there was a 24 year old member who was asking if he should buy his girlfriend of a year a new MBP or give her his old one. there were so many responses like dont bother you guys are going to break up anyway or you are too young to know what real love is. i just find that so stupid.
and you are making this argument that if you fight it's time to break up? my parents who have been married for 40 years have gotten into fights and they are still happily married. they recently renewed their wedding vows. to think that it is so black and white is just ignorant. im sorry but you are going to fight and have disagreements with the person you love. with out the bad times you cannot have the good times.
To me, the word "fight" implies that it is loud, violent, and immature. Which I don't do...
Yelling is just stupid and accomplishes nothing.
so you think that you are never going to yell at the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with?
This is called a ***** test. Learn to spot them, and learn that the only correct answer is not to play along. This one, you failed horribly. The short version is she's trying to see how far she can push you.
Also note the absence of rational thought in her response. She knows quite well exactly what would make her "feel better", but you're supposed to be able to read her mind and guess what that something is. You're not psychic, and she shouldn't expect you to be.
If she won't stop being childish and learn to communicate, the correct answer is "Fine, be mad. Call me when you calm yourself," and go do something fun. Without her.
Correct. I have dated guys and girls for the past few years, with one really long relationship. Never yelled. Don't plan on it either. I'm above that.
Wow, you sound like a great boyfriend. A girl's dream man.
haha you are above yelling.
Do you want their numbers?
seriously did you just ask me that?
are you married to them? are you still with them?and no i dont want their numbers! for someone who says they are all mature and above yelling, that response was pretty immature.
seriously did you just ask me that?
and no i dont want their numbers! for someone who says they are all mature and above yelling, that response was pretty immature.
It was a joke, you really need to chillax dude. No wonder you yell a lot... you're all uptight! Take a deep breath.
sure you can say that now.
and im not exactly uptight. i've been laughing at how naive you are. i really hope that you wake up and realize that love is not all puppy dogs and rainbows a real relationship takes a lot of work, patience, and compromise. you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.
Oh, believe me, I'm well aware of the horrible pain that love causes. I'm still getting over a break up. All I said was that I never yelled... chill. out.
You have to play the field a little. I dated for many years. Found a woman that could not control her temper......see ya later. Like to be less than truthful, see ya later. I did not need that crap. Funny thing is, I limit the "stupid guy stuff" I know that pisses women off. I would respect their feelings, thoughts with a certain degree of empathy as well, you have to.
If the shoe doesn't fit...dont make it. You'll only regret it. I dated satan once, did not work obvioulsy. I tried, but my attempts were feeble. Save yourself the heartache.
I met my wife when I was 27. I knew right away. I go through a lot of BS at work. She is the only person that can calm me down without me venting for hours on end. We have been married for almost 10 years. We have disagreements at times. But far and few between. We don not really fight at all. I guess I am lucky. We still wrestle around like teenagers.
Point is....dont be in a big rush...take your time. Get all of the piss and vinegar out of your system and then look for a solid girl. By the time I met my wife I was ready to be tied-down.
If the shoe doesn't fit...dont make it. You'll only regret it. I dated satan once, did not work obvioulsy. I tried, but my attempts were feeble. Save yourself the heartache.
I met my wife when I was 27. I knew right away. I go through a lot of BS at work. She is the only person that can calm me down without me venting for hours on end. We have been married for almost 10 years. We have disagreements at times. But far and few between. We don not really fight at all. I guess I am lucky. We still wrestle around like teenagers.
Point is....dont be in a big rush...take your time. Get all of the piss and vinegar out of your system and then look for a solid girl. By the time I met my wife I was ready to be tied-down.
The idea that there is a level of acceptable fighting is just another one of those unacceptable behaviours that society has learned to tolerate as some cockeyed societal norm. It's this kind of idea that kept men and women trapped in abusive relationships for decades, and to this day still keeps people stuck in unhappy and miserable unions.haha you are above yelling.