Your favourite funny quotes

[greygray]

Mine is 'I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.'😀

What's yours?

 

[edesignuk]

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

 

[Peterkro]

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)

 

[iBlue]

"I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me." - not sure of the source.

(I don't know, it was the first thing that came to mind that wasn't (?) in a movie)

 

[juanm]

"Save a whale, kill a Japanese."

 

[Bostonaholic]

One of my own

"There are 10 types of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who do not."
- Matthew Boston

 

[Melrose]

"The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." ~ Lily Tomlin.

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

Churchill had some good ones. This one isn't funny, per se, but I like it: "When you're going through hell, keep going."

 

[SuperCompu2]

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure" -GWB

 

[Unspoken Demise]

"Whatever floats your boat, just dont knock into mine" -Me.

I hope this thread lives for a very long time. I love quotes! 🙂

 

[7254278]

Unaware of the source. "Let's not turn this rape into a murder"

 

[Bostonaholic]

"60% of the time it works every time."

I think we all know the source 😉

 

[ZachsMacDaddy]

You can't polish a turd.

 

[Little HZ]

Sign in a jewelry store window: :Ears pierced while you wait."

Lily Tomlin: "Reality is just a collective hunch." 😉

 

[leomac08]

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul"

😛😉 classic

 

[IntheNet]

"Transparency and the rule of law will be the touchstones of this Presidency"
B. Obama

😀

 

[costabunny]

No matter where you go, never take an idiot with you; You can always pick one up when you get there! (Billy Connolly)

 

[That-Is-Bull]

"Practice makes perfect - but nobody's perfect, so why practice?"

Not sure where this came from but I used to always say it in school.

 

[gilkisson]

"I have ever prayed but one prayer: Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And the Lord granted my prayer."

--Voltaire.

 

[Mousse]

"If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." - Red Green

"If you want a job done right, hire an ugly man" - Al Bundy

They're two different ways of saying the same thing.😀 Take it from a guy who gets the job done right.😱😉😛

 

[rdowns]

I thought these were supposed to be funny.

 

[Unspoken Demise]

I thought these were supposed to be funny.

Who originally said that? i think it was some jerk Jets fan with nothing to contribute to the thread of his own. 🙄 😀 😛

 

[rdowns]

Who originally said that? i think it was some jerk Jets fan with nothing to contribute to the thread of his own. 🙄 😀 😛

Such anger. Who peed in your Cheerios this morning? 😉

 

[Unspoken Demise]

Such anger. Who peed in your Cheerios this morning? 😉

Haha. That had my chuckling. Good one sir. 🙂

 

[steve2112]

One of my own

"There are 10 types of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who do not."
- Matthew Boston

That one has been around for a long time. I bought the t-shirt from ThinkGeek years ago. It's still good, though. Even some of my network guru co-workers didn't get it at first.

Churchill was a one man quote machine. I like this one supposedly by Einstein:

Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

 

[Melrose]

"Eagles may soar, but you won't see a weasel get sucked into a jet engine."