Save yourself the hassle of 3
Well after realising how painfully slow the 3 network is in Central London I called up to cancel my contract. 4 times I was put through to another department until I ended up speaking to someone in the UK whose job title is presumably 'Professional Patroniser / Time Waster'. I told him I wanted to cancel my contract, he asked why, I explained my problems. Fair enough I thought - this should be over quickly.
Then the conversation went along these lines:
3: How do you know other networks will be any faster?
Me: Because I have an Orange micro-SIM and on average it's 15x faster than the 3 micro-SIM in the place I want to use it
3: Oh right...but that's weird because we've spent more money than Orange on our mobile network
Me: And?
3: So it must be better coverage
Me: It doesn't really work like that I'm afraid
3: I can't believe you're using Orange. Did you see recently they were fined by OFCOM for false advertising for claiming they had a better network than us?
Me: I don't care.
3: Well you should care - why would you want to use someone with an inferior network and false advertising?
Me: Because the 3 network is rubbish in Central London and the Orange network isn't
He then changed tack
3: So do you have anyone else you would want to give the SIM to and they can keep the contract?
Me: errr.....no!
3: No friends...no family?
Me: no.
3: What....you don't have any friends or family?
Me: Let's not get offensive. Can we just get on with the disconnection please?
3: I see you are paying £15 a month - I can cut that by a LOT if it helps
Me: No. I wouldn't pay you £1 a month for the service I'm getting. I just want to cancel my contract.
From bordering on the offensive, he then changed tack again
3: So about this Orange fine
Me: I am not interested - can you please just cancel my contract?
3: I never said I wouldn't cancel your contract!
Me (exasperated): I don't care. I am very busy and you are wasting my time - can you please just cancel my contract?
Here comes his piece de resistance:
3: Well actually I am ALSO very busy so I wish you would stop wasting MY time!
To say I was

is a massive understatement. Basically 3 are a bunch of cowboys as far as I am concerned and I will NEVER use them again for any reason.