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A guy killed himself in my back yard tonight...

dogbone said:
It wasn't that bad. It wasn't anything to do with you. Some people decide to kill themselves by driving head on into an oncoming car.
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Wow... way to raise a thread from the dead. :)

I'm happy to say that we've been doing well. It was three weeks last night that we found him and I traveled last week. I was out of town and Kelly was home by herself... she freaked herself out a couple times, called me crying once because she heard a loud noise that sounded like it came from the porch... but she did good at home by herself.

I've said to her (at least twice I know for sure) how cool it would be to find a dead body. The type of work I do... I could imagine finding a body in a creek or something. This was just really ****ed up... it was very traumatic for the both of us. As much of a cynic as I am, I didn't think it would impact me as much, but it has.

There's a certain amount of fear to be found living in a house by yourself for the first time anyway. Say what you want to say, but I've lived in college dorms and apartment complexes and at my parents' for the last 25 years... this is my house and there's no one else there with me. It takes a while to be home and comfortable and know it's your space.... this type of event just increased that fear, made it more legitimate.

There's a certain amount of detachment one can find in reading a post in an internet forum... and there's a complete lack of detachment walking into your yard at midnight and finding a stranger hanging there. I have to believe that any rational person realizes that, but you've clearly missed the boat. I'm glad we're getting on with our lives and I'm glad I could post and tell the folks around here about it. I think when regulars around here go through something traumatic in their lives they post on it, we're a community and I think this thread has in some way helped me. A lot of the people in my life have behaved in a similar way to dogbone here... sarcastic detachment... having not lived it, having never experienced anything similar... they dismiss it. A lot of people have sympathized and been compassionate and I'm very glad to have been able to hear those honest opinions and comforting words.

If nothing else, I wanted to tell the story to someone and get the comment back "Yeh.. that's ****ed up." Because then I know my gutt reaction was dead on. It's a good story to tell... that's for sure.
 
You can't blame your self. I would be extremely upset and scared. I would be freaked out. Sorry that happened to you :(
 
Definitely sucks cr2sh, my condolences go out to you and your girlfriend. That could be quite the horrific thing to see, especially in the setting you gave late at night like that (although daylight probably wouldn't make you smile).

iJon said:
Seeing a dead body will stick in your mind for as long as you live. It will always be with me. You just have to stick it way deep in your mind to the point your forget it even existed and happened.

jon
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Bad idea. My mother works in the psychology field and we often discuss matters of the brain/supression/dealing/etc. Your best bet is to realize what happened is not your fault, tie up any loose ends relating to this event, and simply move on. Especially in this case where you had zero fault or influence (just bad luck that it happened to be your yard) there is little you can do. Believe it or not, if you just try your best to deal with it and get over it, the memory will pass on it's own in less time than if you focus on suppressing it.

Best of luck.

Edit: Yes I raised it from the dead again (no pun, sorry) but it is only because you mentioned it in another thread cr2sh.
 
efoto said:
...
Bad idea. My mother works in the psychology field and we often discuss matters of the brain/supression/dealing/etc. Your best bet is to realize what happened is not your fault, tie up any loose ends relating to this event, and simply move on. Especially in this case where you had zero fault or influence (just bad luck that it happened to be your yard) there is little you can do. Believe it or not, if you just try your best to deal with it and get over it, the memory will pass on it's own in less time than if you focus on suppressing it.
...
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Exactly, resolution, not repression.
 
bousozoku said:
Exactly, resolution, not repression.
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Woo hoo, agreement. To think, I was just BS'in that entire thing but I happened to be right. Not really, my mother does really work there and that is really the best way, seriously.

As much as I may be an ass, I do mean that in the deepest way because I do feel for you in this hard time. Seeing that would be quite tragic regardless of the situation or setup. Take time to deal with the situation and come to realizations that you basically have no part in it, and over time learn to move forward.

Again, best of luck and I hope all goes smoothly. Sorry that your new house was tainted with such a poor opening experience.
 
EJBasile said:
I think most cops are usually jerks. Thats just my opinion though.

The police in my town gets way way way to much money. They only 2 cops on duty at a time. Yet they have 5 NEW crown victorias, 2 "police interceptors", 3 Ford Explorers (2 unmarked), and 1 Chevy Tahoe. A "high tech" police station with all the gadgets.

This one policeman I know is a real jerk. He once tried to force my neighbors Great Dane into his car because it was wondering the neighborhood. No one minds because it is a really friendly dog and its 2 years old which is pretty old for a Great Dane. Anyways this dog hates cars, and when the stupid cop tried to get the dog into his Explorer, the dog bit his hand. The cop made a big deal about it, but nothing ever happend. I saw him the other day in a parking lot, introducing himself with this lady and he was trying to flirt with her. It was really weird.

I've seen a lot of dead people, working in a hospital. But seeing one hanging must be pretty scary.
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I have seen your others posts here about the hard feelings about the Police Department in you town. But that has to do more with the town council and the Police Chief, than the rank and file.

You may not like it, but laws are laws.

Police are not perfect, but at least when I have needed them, they have been there for me. And that is what counts. How would you feel if people started saying that most doctors and hospitals were jerks. That they only wanted to get in to their new Land Rovers or Hummers at what ever cost?

I will give you that most doctors I have met do have better "bedside" manners, than some police do. But there is a big difference there. What is missing today is respect for the jobs that each one of us perform.
 
Chip NoVaMac said:
I have seen your others posts here about the hard feelings about the Police Department in you town. But that has to do more with the town council and the Police Chief, than the rank and file.

You may not like it, but laws are laws.

Police are not perfect, but at least when I have needed them, they have been there for me. And that is what counts....
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Lucky you, the vast majority of police I've come in to contact with have been incompetent, ineffectual, bigoted, lazy, corrupt, rude, offensive and dangerous, although perhaps not all have had all those 'qualities' at once. Few of those officers had much regard for the law either, they do the bare minimum to collect their grossly inflated wage at the end of each month.

That said every officer I've come into contact with from other forces, except one Italian officer who was just being lazy, has been great.
 
mpw said:
Lucky you, the vast majority of police I've come in to contact with have been incompetent, ineffectual, bigoted, lazy, corrupt, rude, offensive and dangerous, although perhaps not all have had all those 'qualities' at once. Few of those officers had much regard for the law either, they do the bare minimum to collect their grossly inflated wage at the end of each month.

That said every officer I've come into contact with from other forces, except one Italian officer who was just being lazy, has been great.
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Oddly enough, I hired a columbus police officer to put a roof on my new house. He does this type of work on the side and had done one of my parent's rental properties for a reasonable price... so he did it, I payed him... it looks nice.

Last week he was arrested and charged with raping a 15 year old girl.
 
Well... it was one year ago today that this **** went down.

We've been living, somewhat happily, at the house. In the last year we've done a lot with the house... a new bathroom, a redone kitchen, a beautiful new patio... and last June I asked Kelly to marry me. The nighborhood, I like to think, is getting better... slow but sure.

It's been a good year, and I just thought I'd commemorate the events of the night with a little dead thread resurrection.

:)
 
cr2sh said:
Well... it was one year ago today that this **** went down.

We've been living, somewhat happily, at the house. In the last year we've done a lot with the house... a new bathroom, a redone kitchen, a beautiful new patio... and last June I asked Kelly to marry me. The nighborhood, I like to think, is getting better... slow but sure.

It's been a good year, and I just thought I'd commemorate the events of the night with a little dead thread resurrection.

:)
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Happy anniversary!

When I was up there in July, I was surprised how ummm active the area was on the news. Things change.

Good luck!
 
jimN said:
Without wanting to sound a bit harsh - why didn't you check on the guy. He might not have been dead when you first saw him.
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If I came home one day and found a body in my backyard... especially one that could have potentially still been alive (as is the case), I definitely would NOT have tried to help. How were they to know he wouldn't attack them? How were they to know that they were safe? The last thing I'd do is put myself in danger to help the sicko!

Wendy
 
Good..this was a year ago already..time is going SO fast..i remember this thread like it yesterday..also when when the Mac Mini test drive "this day in Mac history" was posted, i couldn't believe it was a year already since that(and this) Good were did the time go!
 
mpw said:
As has been said before, don't feel any guilt over this and don't let it bother you too much. Your lives will go on and you don't want to waste a second of them over this guy, he almost certainly didn't do this to spite you or anybody else.



I know what you mean. When I was in my late teens one winter I was out with some friends and came across a large group of kids and teenagers fooling around in the snow about 11pm one night.
Some were just hanging out others throwing snowballs and some were grabbing the bumpers of the slow moving cars and 'skiing' behind them.
The gritting lorries were out and the kids were grabbing on to get towed. The same lorry went round a few times and on at least one pass stopped and told the kids not to and chased them off.
On a later pass a couple of these teenagers went under the lorry's wheels, one had both legs crushed and the other had the wheels go over his head.
I was only a few feet away on the side walk and heard a pop. It was like stamping on a tube of toothpaste.
In the snow and cold air it left this surreal scene of a corpse with the top of its head missing, leaving a void I could stare into with steam streaming out of it. A spray of red blood on the snow with a lump of brain matter and scalp about six foot from the body.

Gruesome but ‘cool’. Don’t get me wrong I was sorry for the guy and his family etc. but I feel no guilt in finding the situation fascinating, although cool might be the wrong choice of word.

Anyway peoples reactions were mostly lots of weeping and moving away etc. while one of my friends turned to us as we looked at the body and just said “He won’t be needing those trainers now will he?” It broke the mood and the four of us just laughed, which probably looked a little callous as the emergency services arrived to clean up.

I honestly thought the worst part was that while they were cleaning up the aftermath the gritting lorry came up for another pass not knowing he’d just killed a kid. He was in no way to blame but was probably effect the worst emotionally.

Edit:I should point out there was a running joke that my friend only had one pair of shoes and was out in the snow in his black leather dress shoes but we never took the trainers.....wrong size! I'm kidding.
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I myself are not disgusted my blood and surgeries..but that my friend is just sad......imagine the parents of the kid..
 
wimic said:
If I came home one day and found a body in my backyard... especially one that could have potentially still been alive (as is the case), I definitely would NOT have tried to help. How were they to know he wouldn't attack them? How were they to know that they were safe? The last thing I'd do is put myself in danger to help the sicko!

Wendy
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You should be glad you're not the one who needed help.
 
wimic said:
If i needed help i'd ask for it... not kill myself
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Gee, I wonder how many people considering suicide attempts as cries of help just slapped their foreheads and put the pills/rope/bottle down having read your post and said "Of course I just need to ask for help..."
 
mpw said:
Gee, I wonder how many people considering suicide attempts as cries of help just slapped their foreheads and put the pills/rope/bottle down having read your post and said "Of course I just need to ask for help..."
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Yeah, I agree, that's a really harsh statement that was made. People who commit suicide must be in a horrible place, of course.

And that must have been.... I can't express in words how that would have been. Because I don't even quite know how it would be.
 
Yikes. Sorry you had to experience that. Sadly, no doubt the Cop knows all to well how often things like that happen.
 
bousozoku said:
You should be glad you're not the one who needed help.
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I think the majority of people would have protected themselves/others rather than run blindly over to a stranger that could easily have a gun/knife/weapon and attack you. It's nice to help people, but putting yourself in such a risky situation doesn't seem very smart either...
 
Posting on a four page thread I didn't read.

I just skimmed your story. I'm just happy to see he didn't have intentions harming you, your g/f, or anyone else. I'm not happy he took his own life, I hope hes in a place where hes happy now though.
 
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