Every morning, my Android phone alarm goes off to Pandora radio, and when I shut it off, it turns the lights on in my room, tells me today's forecast, my appointments, and then reads me the news...I wake up daily to a better experience than Apple offers....
(with Apple Music, you can wake up to any song you want. With shortcuts and automation, you can set your lights, temperature, locks, thermostat, etc. to automate during certain times for certain actions. so everything you listed here is possible on an iPhone, iPad, or HomePod.)
I have custom DND rules for more than just one and done, I can set it to be quiet during multiple specific times, when I'm in certain buildings by GPS, yep another feature Apple lacks.
(Again, you could build this with shortcuts. There’s probably some already out there.)
I can buy an SD card for more storage...yep, enjoy that out of this world soldered space in Apple.
(200 GB of iCloud storage for three bucks a month seems to do the trick, plus SD card storage is way slower than built-in storage. Plus, in my personal experience, android is super finicky with what it lets you put on an SD card, and what’s required to stay on internal storage. Overall just a completely incoherent, irritating experience.)
How about that USB-C that's pretty universal, unlike a proprietary cable.
(My Qi wireless charger uses USBC, and it works with the majority of phones. with the exception of some pixels, and some 1+ phones for some odd reason.)
My wallpaper changes daily to something new and beautiful, like an Apple TV.. iphone doesn't have that.
(Again, this is probably available with shortcuts, and even if it’s not, it’s not a very useful feature.)
I have a fingerprint reader built into the screen, FaceID kinda looks stupid right now with Covid.
(this I’m not gonna argue with, because it’s completely personal taste. I personally like picking up my phone, and having it immediately unlock and show me my notifications without having to touch it at a certain spot. But I could understand why someone would prefer a fingerprint reader over Face ID.)
Google assistant is way more accurate and gets it right on the first try compared to Siri.
(Google assistant is available in the App Store.)
If a person ate Ramen noodles their whole life, and knew not what a cooked duck tastes like, would they say that Ramen is the best ever?